The Great Divide – More Asian or More Caucasian?

Every relationship has some sort of compromise. It is very easy to identify with people of similar traits. Common interests are easily shared and instinctively we can understand the other person’s feelings. Things just seem to click, as if it were instant chemistry. Unfortunately when tempers flare, the it seems like the next apocalypse is looming. The sheer thrill of an emotional roller coaster ride may become too much for a person to handle and consequently packs up for a permanent hiatus.

For the rare Asian male White female relationship, there may be some similarities, but also a complete set of complementary traits the couple will learn to embrace. The usual case for the Asian male will be a reserved introverted individual, while the White female is more expressive and outgoing. However there are exceptions as well. There are also variants of  Caucasian women who long to adopt an Asian lifestyle. The enigmatic Eastern culture with a vibrant identity of style, humor, and respect is often appealing in contrast to the almost brutish Americanized approaches.

Likewise for the Asian male, there are many variants beyond the quiet intellectual ones. They are influenced much by American culture, both Caucasian and African American. For many of the ones born and raised in North America, there exists a particular duality of identities. A traditional Asian quality that is usually passed through family, paired with an inherent daily external Western ideology. Sometimes when the Asian discipline is placed too strongly on a child, there is a chance that they will grow to completely reject Asian culture. Often this harsh cold love arises as the parents escaped their war torn countries to seek sanctuary in North America.

It all began thousands of years ago. Set around 500 BC by Confucius, much of these ideals on morality and social etiquette remains today. These values place immense emphasis on discipline and respect, but many aspects such as love are left out . Often it appears to be only natural, but it is a very subtle issue with an Asian upbringing.

The question remains: who crosses the great divide between the Asians and Caucasians? Will the White female seek the mystifying Asian lifestyle or the Asian male yearn for individualism, embracing Western culture?

Much like his ancestors, being able to completely provide for his wife financially is highly regarded as a status. For the traditional mentality, even being to provide for multiple wives was highly revered. While each wife would have her own home, the man would be respected for his financial prowess. For the Asian male, the true appeal of a Caucasian woman beyond the physical level is their personality. It is better summed up as the endless emotional capacity to love. A patient, respectful, and forgiving woman is really what he truly longs for. The man provides on a financial level, but the woman reciprocates and provides complete emotional support. Unlike their Asian counterparts, the Asian female is often engrossed in the superficial. A wealthy successful Asian male over ten years senior who can provide is countless times more attractive than an emotionally developed, but not yet established Asian male of similar age.

In many instances, Asian males are not blessed with the most attractive physical features. Often short stature coupled with tiny eyes places these males in a strong competitive disadvantage to their Western counterparts. Their commonly shy, reserved nature based on cultural and strength in the English language does not help either. As a result, to remain competitive, parents strictly enforce a professional career that will almost entirely guarantee success. Unfortunately this almost perfect plan has some potential shortcomings: social and emotional development.

Thus respecting his parents, he intensely focuses on skills inherent to hard work and discipline. A strong background piano or violin provide fine motor skills while incredible mathematical and scientific abilities hones the male into an unbeatable machine. Many aim for the highly revered professional designation of doctor, dentist, or even engineer. The flaw of social deficiencies  begin to show by the mid twenties of the Asian male.

It is true that humility is a strong pillar of Asian culture, but the second life of video games only spells trouble. The virtual world provides a escape from the hardships of reality, and a particular challenge filled with endless tasks and goals. Accompanied by friends who also share interest in the escapism only makes matters worse. Now there is even a bigger reason to remain completely engrossed in the nature of virtual games. As a result, many life skills especially communication skills are often lacking. Silence and monosyllable responses becomes the only viable source to respond.

For those fortunate ones, a White female will come swooping in to rescue. She loves everything Asian. It is a complete counter-culture to Western ideals. He will be loved and now has a reason to provide, a perfect match.

As for the Asian male who seeks the White female, this is an entirely different story. The male searches for identity and love beyond the physical appearances. They face much opposition predominately from the older Asian generation. Brought up in a patriarchal society, they carry the name of the family and Caucasian women make the elders very uneasy. Referred to as the “white ghosts”, the stereotypes even extend to the point that Caucasians are merely hedonists who are unable to manage their finances. To date a White female would be taboo, a serious social disgrace followed with much disapproval.

During the mid ninetieth century foreign powers had broken through China’s isolationist policy using opium addiction do degrade society from within. Japan however, was more reluctant to adopt Western ideals during the Meiji restoration of mid to late 1800’s. Viewed as China’s “Australia”, it was evident that they would adopt more liberal approaches.

The mere act of an Asian male taking the initiative to venture into the realm of the Caucasian is also a sign of sheer respect. Selective pressures on appearances and social skills hinder their chances, but it is not impossible either. To be able to cross the boundary between the Asian and Caucasian side requires strong development emotionally and mentally.

Much difficulty lies in modern ideology in the ideal man. Over thirty years ago, the dominant alpha male would be viewed as favorable while recent times have shifted to a more sensitive caring man. However, that shift went slightly too far with the sudden influx of homosexual pop culture. Sensitive means one who is strongly responds emotionally. If a man were overly sensitive, then the female characteristics would be blurred. Now she has to deal with another woman.

In fact what it requires the Asian male who ventures to the Caucasian side is someone who is empathetic. Someone who understands her and truly loves her for who she is. He is in love with her because she is herself and willing to constantly establish that self identity. He is not seeking to be with an Asian woman engrossed in the superficial pop culture and spurious appearances. He wants to be with a real, genuine woman. Someone who also believes in trust, honesty, and mutual respect for each other.

The great divide is just a term used to describe the dilemma Asian males face in life. Both paths are equally respectable, but is truly a choice between choosing external expectations versus individual beliefs and identity. While the White Female Asian Male relationship is viewed as uncommon, the Asian male willing to face the dishonor from elders to be a Caucasian women he genuinely loves is the most rare of them all. So the next time you see a beautiful White female in the arms of a handsome Asian male, give them a smile.

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3 Responses to The Great Divide – More Asian or More Caucasian?

  1. Pingback: Modernization Versus Westernization « AMWF Love

  2. sezratd says:

    Brian-
    you are good! i’ve been wondering what’s wrong in my life but this is IT! You really understand this cultural Phenomenon.
    Laura-
    your piece about marriage was great. I learnt a lot. this is so true in Asian families.
    I love your blogs

    • AMWF Love says:

      Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate that you find this enligtening. I think my job is to put into words the problems faced with Asian Males and White Females. Most of my compositions come from personal experiences growing up in a Chinese family. I do hope one day people across the world will be able to read this – I’ve been actually told that WordPress is banned in China. How unfortunate.

      Once again I appreciate you for commenting, and I hope you will enjoy our blogs to come.

      – Brian

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