Meeting your WF – Go out and get her!
October 28, 2010 5 Comments
Are you Really Sure?
As an Asian male, getting the guts to talk to that Caucasian female is a daunting task. There’s something about needing this absolute certainty before action is taken. In most cases I would call this analysis paralysis. We get to the point that we go through the what if scenarios that we forget to even do something. By then, you may have missed your chance.
To tell you the truth, as much as you aren’t sure about her, she also has her uncertainties too. Very rarely does she even feel one hundred percent either. It is up to you as an Asian male to take initiative.
Taking Risks
In short yes, there are always risks to doing something. Yes, you will probably get brushed off or rejected, this is completely normal. No risk, no relationship. Simple as that. This is not to say you should approach every single woman, for that would be desperation. Choose wisely and believe in yourself.
Why She Likes Men
There is a difference from being completely repulsive or slightly intriguing.
Men bring a completely different angle to a woman’s life. He can be spontaneous, funny, or charming. It’s refreshing not have to deal with a group of women at times. Sure they understand each other, but a man is who they really want to be with.
Just because you may feel physically inferior as an Asian male, you are not at a complete disadvantage. The truth is, appearances is more of a pass/fail filter than anything. Your hygiene, grooming, and physical presence just has to pass the creep filter. Pass that and you will have a much greater chance of getting to know her more.
Your Intentions
How do I make this simple? Anything that figuratively shows your male parts hanging out of your pants will result in rejection. Not only is it a complete turn off to women, it is exactly what every other guy does. Does she really want to be with just any guy? There are exceptions if that women is actually out there to maliciously hurt men, she will accept your sexual advances with the intention of completely destroying your confidence as a man.
In general, that is pretty much the use of a pick-up line that will sexually objectify her. Your job as a man is to show you genuinely respect her as a woman while making the message clear that you are interested in her.
The Mask
The mask is just a metaphor about the protective barrier we use as a person to protect ourselves from people we know on a surface level. It may even be a completely different personality than who you really are as a person. Keeping this mask on mitigates the potential heart breaks or being taken advantage of. For the most part, it is always on with the exception of deep close friends who truly know you.
Your close friends and colleagues you confide to see the real person behind that mask because you know they are genuinely interested in your emotional health and welfare. You trust them. This goes both ways as well. They also take off their mask willingly because they truly are your friends.
Therefore, to get through that mask of hers, you need to show you are genuinely interested in her, and are willing to give up something of your own – you have to take off your own mask first.
Where to Find Her
You attract the woman you want. Constantly visiting the bar or night scene will often result in women who really just want to escape from life and have a good time. This is probably not the place you want to meet someone if you want to establish a long-term loving relationship. Is there any common interest you wouldn’t mind sharing? It doesn’t have to be something completely feminine either. Baking, wine, opera, pottery, jazz, yoga, running, books, photography, or volunteering – really the list is endless.
It’s really just something that you share in common. If you happen to be attracted to each other, then even better. Go for it.
AMWF Love 
This post totally applies to me. Just a warning I am a horrible writer but I felt like I needed to comment on this.
You’re right! To make matters worse my favorite hobby is gaming. Games tend to be strategic in nature so of course this naturally carries over to my real life. Actually that is kind of how I found about all of these sites that deal with Asian males and Non-Asian females. I personally feel that most white females don’t really care much for Asian males just as a default. I am originally from South Florida where there are not many Asians in general so things are likely different in other places (California).
I don’t like losing. Not in games, work or girls. So I find it really hard to make any action toward a girl I have interest in without knowing or having some clue that I have a chance to win. I second guess pretty much everything I think of saying or doing and most of the time end up mute.
Having that as a personal thought that is how I came to find the sites dedicated to Non-Asian females who specifically like Asian males. Funny thing is that I still don’t really take action on girls I know like Asian males, lol. Another interesting thing I saw twice is some of the girls actually have shirts that say things like “Asian guys are better” so I guess some of the girls who like Asian guys have that same kind of idea that Asian guys default to liking Asian girls.
I realize your section of taking risks is pretty valid and I have had many people tell me similar things but you know default behavior is a very hard thing to change about oneself. Working on it though!
Hi Steve,
Thanks for sharing about yourself and commenting on this post. The bottom line in all of this is: no risk, no relationship. Do you remember the first time you started to play a new video game? I bet it wasn’t the most enjoyable time. The point is that it was challenging, and it required some sort of skill/mastery. Life and relationships is the same way in that regards, you do have to take your babysteps to reach success. Every single person has to do it so you are not alone. Even I was completely timid of girls at one point in life. I didn’t know what to say, how to react. Eventually I started to make some female friends and I just listened to all of their rants. That’s really how I started to learn about women in general. Here’s something for you to think about: I can tell you right now for every date I get, I am rejected at least ten times. So don’t feel bad.
Taking the first step is probably the hardest. Are you willing to cut back or give up video games entirely if you met the woman of your dreams? Have you done anything to maintain your hygiene and appearance? You don’t have to look like a print model, but you need to believe in yourself. Confidence begins from within – just don’t forget to make some space for her to come into your life. Give yourself positive thoughts and intentions and watch it grow into actions.
Good luck.
Brian
Hi there,
I found your web from SpeakingOfChina. For the next few weeks I will be reading all the articles from this blog.
Your post just enabled me to recall what has happened to me. In the very beginning I was too shy to talk to western girls, then later on, I got better but those are small talks, no jokes at all. Then half year later, I feel so sad with the fact that there are not much Western girls here in HK (Yes I a local from Hong Kong), hence I didn’t have chance to meet any western girls. Now, I hang up often in bars located in LKF ( a place where there are many western girls), I dont feel shy anymore talking to western girls in the bar/club, but you know what? I am wrong.
You are right to say that ***Constantly visiting the bar or night scene will often result in women who really just want to escape from life and have a good time. This is probably not the place you want to meet someone if you want to establish a long-term loving relationship. *** I am not a big fan of clubbing and drinking, I was just desperate enough to practice talking with western girls, I have no choice but to go to the bars…. In fact, I could gain confidence, but then, I can’t see any linkage to a long term relationship. I hope you got what I mean. ( To me, I actually prefer meeting some one in a more natural way, like in the office, or in a sports center where I go regularly, or even from my friends. Meeting new ones in the bar is like love at first sight only, but then how many western woman I can meet from such natural situation? Very little)
Hi Wesker,
Thanks for leaving your comments on our blog. Approaching women can be tricky subject. By default women will assume all men will have a hidden agenda on their mind. This is not their fault, but just a defensive mechanism to protect themselves from any physical, mental, or emotional harmful situations.
Probably the most important thing is to find out about yourself and what you’re really looking for. If the type of women you are looking for can be found in HK then you’re in luck. Otherwise you will have to make your adjustments accordingly. This will mean having your lifestyle more consistent to something that makes it much more easier to be around Western Women. Does your career hinder you in any way? Are you familiar with Western mannerisms? Are there any conflicts with faith/religion?
There are many things that can be done, and some of them do take sacrafices (and leaps of faith). As much knowledge you can obtain, you will have to venture out there regardless. For many Asians, we have an inherent fear of failure. A fear of rejection because things aren’t perfectly planned out the way we want it to. Honestly, it never ends up perfect.
Once you know what you are looking for, you have to make yourself attractive to the type of woman you want to attract. I am talking about the total package. Appearance/grooming to mannerisms/social intellect, and even location/career; these are all compontents of what you need. It will require an exhausting amount of patience, but have some faith – it will pay off.
– Brian
“This is not to say you should approach every single woman, for that would be desperation.”
Well not for sex of course…..
Approaching every single woman for conversation can actually be an enlightening experience. You can discover faults, strengths about yourself that you never knew of.
Relationships begin with conversation, right?