Relating to Your Asian Male

Ever had that roadblock when your Asian Male is at loss for words? Actually it happens quite often. Aside from a language barrier, the most difficult thing for Asians, and especially Asian men in general is the lack of the ability to express ourselves. Like I have said many times before, our selection for rote memorization stems back over a thousand years ago from Chinese Imperial Exams. (Refer to The Great Divide article). Sad to say, the examination was primarily based on calligraphy, Chinese history, and principles of Confucius. Since then, not much has changed. Asian families still push for professional designations, and especially the careers that minimize the fear of public speaking.

As you may have found out from experience, the majority of Asians you encounter as a Caucasian female are quiet. However, when they are with a group of Asians, they are suddenly cheerful, and open to conversation.  It would be no different from a Caucasian venturing into Asia, unfamiliar with the language and culture. Would you then be excited seeing a group of individuals you could relate to?

One approach to addressing this communication block is the attempt to relate to his Asian side. This means picking up the language and even as far to learn all the custom. This approach would be most effective for those who are strongly are on the Asian side of the “Great Divide”. However I must warn you, if you choose this approach, you are silently expected to integrate into Asian society. Yes this may even go as far as living in Asia – if that is something you really like. Remember, Asian society is not quite the same as North American life. There is a strong patriarchal presence, and women are often treated as submissive inferiors.

Now if you Asian man is more Westernized, you will have to approach things differently. Having over excessive likings to Asian culture will surely turn him off. He does not have a problem with you watching your Korean dramas or listening to Taiwanese music, but when you start to become the submissive twelve-year-old girl he’s been trying to escape from, he becomes silent, and often annoyed. The truth is, we just like you for you. You, the white female, are genuinely loving and caring, there this natural life to your presence and not this elusive superficiality we often see with Asian women. We love seeing you happy around us. Believe it or not, it begins to rub off on us. When you are happy, we become happy too.

While we may not have a bubbly attitude towards life, we still enjoy your presence very much. Remember, we are men. We are here to listen, provide and protect you. What we need you to do is to have a big open heart for us, not be more Asian.

Seeking the Asian Male – Attraction

Before you even approach your Asian male interest, keep in mind that there are many varieties of Asian males. Based on our TCAI Model, we have broken them down into roughly four groups. While they are all similar, there are specific key differences which should be focused on in order to attract your Asian male.

If you have a particular Asian guy in mind and you’d like to get to know him better, here are some suggestions as to how to attract him though a better understanding of his personality type.

The Individual

Laura says:

When seeking out the individual type of Asian male, your intellect will be very important to him. He will have strong ideas about who he is as a person, and he will have opinions which he has concluded from his own thinking and experiences. Having the ability to understand his thinking and identifying with his individualized way of living will be important. Expressing your own sense of individuality and way of living will be much appreciated by him, and he will relate to you via that individuality as well as through other things.

Brian says:

Imagine this Asian male, White female situation:

There is nothing more Andrew loves to do but paint on canvas. He often finds himself so self-absorbed into his creations that he loses track of time. People are amazed by his talent, yet Andrew finds it difficult to genuinely associate with others. While not painting, Andrew spends his time in solitude reading a book, or on rare occasions attending annual festivals promoting the arts and culture within the city.

Natalie is a jazz aficionado. Whether it is classic jazz or modern jazz, she loves it all. At a local Jazz Festival, Natalie spots an Asian male, who happens to be Andrew  sitting alone at a small round table. She ventures over to his table asking kindly if she may join him. Andrew kindly accepts. After the set is over, Natalie asks if he would be interested in conversing over coffee. Andrew smiles, and suggests a cozy place he knows of nearby. Over coffee and many shared laughs, Andrew reveals his reason for attending the jazz set was that he was searching for inspiration. Natalie compliments him for establishing his identity, and encourages him to keep pursuing his passion.

The bottom line: Sometimes you just have to make the first move. Individuals want to be respected for who they choose to be. Give them the freedom and space, and let them know that you will always be there to support them. You will be rewarded with a unique relationship filled with love.

The Ambitious

Laura says:

When seeking out the ambitious type of Asian male, your ability to match him on a challenging level will be important.  He will have an intense and busy lifestyle that has a fast pace feel and he will like his relationships the same way. With that thought in mind, your ability to be competitive and seen as a challenge will be attractive to him. Although he will enjoy your challenging nature, too much of a challenge can have a negative consequence. Make sure to moderate the amount of “playing hard to get” you do in order to keep his interest.

Brian says:

David comes from a family with a history of family members becoming professionals. His dad is a dentist, while his brother is a lawyer, and his sister is in her senior year for Pharmacy. For David, the pressure is great seeing that his siblings will have successful careers. As a second year Physiology student, he spends his evenings at the campus library silent floor. Since he has spent so much time into his studies, he had to stop his tennis program. Although he may not actively compete in tennis, he still maintains his physique by playing intramural volleyball with his colleagues.

Kiera is the perennial athlete throughout her teenage years. She spent the majority of her time travelling across the country playing for her club volleyball team. While in University, her friends play a recreational co-ed volleyball game every Wednesday night. One Wednesday night, her friends are short a player, but fortunately her good friend Jonathan knows of a friend who happens to be available – who just happens to be David. Kiera grins ready to see David’s skills. David is no stranger to volleyball and easily transfers his skill set over.  Both being ambitious, they collide over a ball that was landing between them. David turns to Kiera who shrugs it off but they exchange some smiles.

After a few minor scrapes and sore arms, David musters the strength to approach Kiera. A relief, because she was thinking the same thing.

To attract an ambitious Asian male, you have to prove your worth in some sort of aspect. Just make sure you don’t go overboard to dominate them. Keep him on his toes and interested.

The Comedian

Laura says:

When seeking out the comedian type of Asian male, your social skills will be very important. As the comedian type thrives on attention and having large groups of friends, so you should also enjoy this environment. Your ability so socialize well with others and ability to have an easy going lifestyle will certainty attract his attention. The comedian type will use humor to diffuse uncomfortable situations or to attract attention. Knowing this will allow you to support him in any circumstance, and in his humorous and often easy going lifestyle.

Brian says:

Kevin is more thought of as a jokester. His witty remarks brings smiles even when there are moments of dullness.

Emma would be just your average girl. Before her night shift at the hospital, she felt like stopping by at a nearby bubble tea shop. After purchasing her favorite avocado blend, she runs into her old classmate Chen, who happens to also be there with her friends. Coincidentally, Kevin is also found sitting at the table – right in the middle. Chen introduces Emma to the group, and Kevin grins and asks where he can get a set of hospital uniforms. Emma smiles and tells him  “online”.

Comedians are an interesting bunch. Be ready for the spontaneous, and let them have their moments of glory. His lightheartedness will always keep you smiling.

The Technophile

Laura says:

When seeking out the technophile type of Asian male, your intellect will be very important to him. As a technophile he will naturally value intellect and will appreciate your admiration of his “brain power” Paying attention and complimenting his technical skills ( i.e.: gaming, computers, etc) will also help his attraction toward you. Your practical nature and quiet demeanor will not be as issue for him, as he will often be the same way. You may need to make the first move when initiating first contact, but you will often find him to be very receptive.

Brian says:

Jenna has a secret crush on Zhen. She would often find him at the cafeteria with his friends dueling out an intense virtual match of the latest PSP games. After several weeks, Jenna gets the clever idea with becoming friends with Zhen’s friends. She beings by asking very simple questions regarding her laptop, and it is easily solved. Eventually, she is invited to a birthday party including Zhen. While Zhen’s friends are aware that Jenna does have interest in Zhen, somehow Zhen is slightly clueless. Fortunately Zhen’s friends are clever enough to arrange for their team pairing for a board game. Jenna smiles graciously silently thanking his friends. Afterwards, Jenna manages to secure Zhen’s email, and later his online messaging contact information. After several months of friendly conversations and hanging out, Zhen realizes that Jenna has been interested all this time and asks her out.

You have to be patient with technophiles. Sometimes you have to be friends for an extended period of time before they even consider a serious relationship. Sometimes you just have to be patient and show them the way. Don’t worry, these men will love you to death.

Visual Summary:

AMWF Love

I decided to go out to eat at my favorite Asian bistro. As I got out of the car and was making my way through the sea of cars in the parking lot, I heard a friendly hello. I looked up, and I saw a middle-aged Asian man appear from behind a black SUV. A friendly exchange happened between him and my husband. Soon their relationship became apparent.. ah…. they were co-workers. After a second of brief chatter, his wife appeared next to him. I was happy to see that she was Caucasian. She smiled at us both and we exchanged greeting.  They were also going out to eat that evening, and oddly enough were going to a restaurant next door to the bistro. We walked together as far as the sidewalk and said our goodbyes. I turned and said to my husband, “They are an AMWF couple like us!”. They seemed like such a happy and friendly couple. A couple that had a history of longevity together and naturally worked well together. It made me smile.

We were easily seated at our table and immediately I looked over that the bar area of the bistro. At first I had no idea why, but I soon found out. Sitting together was another AMWF couple. This couple was different from my encounter of 5 minutes ago. They were younger, maybe early 30’s, and were casually having drinks. He was the typical clean cut type of Asian man, with glasses, khakis, and a button down shirt. She was a tall, probably his height, dirty blond in jeans, heals, and dress shirt. She was a good looking woman.  But what was interesting about them was the way they interacted. He quietly talked to her, slowly taking sips of his beer, was a bit reserved in his manners, and was shyly smiling at her. She on the other hand she was smiling brightly, laughing at what he was saying, and made lots of eye contact. She was sitting next to him, and had her body positioned on the chair so that she could directly face him. Her feet were placed on the bottom rungs of his chair rather then her own, and she was also leaning toward him. “Look!” I said to my husband! “Look how into him she is!”  She was giving him all the classic signs that she was interested, and he was certainly but quietly enjoying the attention.

Soon after receiving our food, the couple left. A few AFWM couples came and went. I realized this was one of those times where you just stop… take a breath…. and take in what you just witnessed. I just met a happily married middle aged couple, and witnessed a couple who was just starting a relationship. But those couples, they were not any ordinary couples, they were AMWF couples!

Asian Prince Charming

Guys you have heard this before. A woman wants a prince charming to sweep her off her feet and take her away to live happily ever after. Life is not a fairytale, right, but women deep down inside are actually looking for their version of a prince charming.  You see guys, the problems that you mite be having when your simply trying to get to know a girl may not always have to do with you. Sometimes it’s about her. Sound confusing, let me explain.

The problem I often find is that some women have no idea what a prince charming even looks like! I have found that men who really truly want a committed relationship, they listen to their own “gut instincts” without the complications of expectations about what his” ideal” women would be. No, you never see guys passing notes in study hall telling their friends how they want a girl with X,Y,Z traits and characteristics. But I bet you have seen girls do it, I did it myself when I was young. Somehow as women we start creating our ideal man, before we even really know what that is. We see many guys that are attractive to us, but sometimes we can’t seem to discriminate between who’s actually the prince charming material and whose not. So how is a guy supposed to be a prince charming when she doesn’t ever know what she wants? Good question and here is the answer.

It really comes down to understanding what you need, not what “you think” you need.  I always encourage women (and men) to take the time to really understand themselves as a person. What are your values, morals, goals and etc.  Without this knowledge, women could be looking at a man who would be a perfect complement to her personality, and she would pass him by. Why? Because she can’t see him. She has no idea that he is what she is looking for. She only thinks about the “ideal man” she thinks she “needs”. Great, you say… so how am I supposed to get her to see that which I already know I need, which is her, but she needs to see that she needs me…wait… huh? Confusing, yes.. I know…but here is what you can do.

As women we want to know our man will be committed to us, so in a way we want him to step up and prove his love. Ya see, sometimes its like you have to snap her out of her dreamy fantasy haze and say hey look at me… I love you…..I want you… I’ll step up for you….I want to be the one to do that for you, because I know you’re the one for me.  You just need to say it! I bet your thinking that doesn’t work, that’s just a theory. I know guys who have tried to tell a girl that he likes her and she turns him down. Ok, so then she was not right for him and he’s learned something about himself. He will think twice before he dose that again. Listen though, if you are sure, I mean 100% sure, not settling for anything in that choice, then you’ll be surprised how much your words will mean to her.

Even I needed to be shown!!… me!…of all people….you’d assume I’d know it when I saw it, but I really didn’t! .. I really didn’t see it when it was right in front of me. It took a persistent, patient, family oriented, and communicative man to show me what I really needed.  He was the type of guy who took the time to really consider his choice and all its implications, before he decided to make a move. Honestly if he wasn’t that way, and if he didn’t make the move, then I would have ended up someplace every different.

So a fairytale… no….  A  reality, yes……My prince charming, has almond shaped eyes, dark spiky hair, and eats rice …. Sound familiar?

Expressing Yourself as an Asian Male

In modern times, the identity of the male is rather confusing. Historically the ones who were deemed as favorable were the strong alpha types. A man had to be physically strong to survive the daily rigors of hard labor.  These days, in addition to hard labor, there has been a rising workforce of technical and knowledge professionals. Asian men for the most part suffer from a lack of physical strength and are often encouraged by their parents to pursue professional careers. Unfortunately while engrossed in our studies we often forget how to communicate and express with another person. This is exactly what a White Female needs.

Decoding the Asian Male

Mmmm. Yep. Yes. Uhhh.

This is the classic monosyllabic response for the Asian male. It may be a blessing of peacefulness, but at the same time it drives the White Female crazy. The reason being is that they are raised in a strong expressive culture. When the White Female is happy, her face will brighten up with a noticeable smile and soft eyes.  She is expressive, verbally and also non-verbally.

Pay attention males, the majority of communication is not about what you say (your words) but your non-verbal cues. Your body language, your tone, and how you say things. The fundamental problems is  the fact that Asians are a bit most reserved. Asian males just seem to appear the same. If he’s mellow, hungry, or sad he still looks the same. If not known by the female, she will be driven up the wall. To her it will seem like you are always angry or upset at her, when you are just feeling neutral or calm. The love she usually feels from her family isn’t quite there when around you. The good thing is that this can be worked on.

Letting Her Know How You Really Feel

Having verbal intimacy with your White Female is something that will absolutely win her heart. This connection with her runs so deep that no other male can compete. Yes of course she has verbal intimacy with her best female friend, but to her, you are the man she truly wants to be with to share everything. Proper communication with her establishes the fact that you want to be with her and you need her loving and caring. She wants to give, but you have to let her.

Telling her is not going to cut it. You need complete openness to it. This means turn off the video game,  put down the newspaper, and look at her face to face to tell her how your day really went. Of course maybe that was a bit overboard, but really, even fifteen minutes is plenty. You pretty much removed all the methods of you wanting to escape, and you’re confronting the situation head on as a male. How manly.

Sometimes you might not be able to see her in person, but it is also possible over the phone as well. What you need to convey to her is that you don’t want “the problem solved”, what you want from her is to tell her “you give me strength”.  This does go both ways, so all my female readers out there, remind him he’s doing a good job at things, and encourage him. Don’t tell him what to do all the time – that would be nagging, and that will shut down any male.

Beyond the Overused Phrases

I love you. I miss you.

Just as it is important to say that to her, it’s really your method of communicating that to her that counts. Of course they like hearing that, but how does that compare to :

  • Bringing dinner over to the office when she’s completely swamped and has to stay late at work
  • Turning off your cell phone, putting away the PSP or Nintendo DS while you attend a gathering with friends
  • Sending a text message asking how her day went
  • Magically having a pair of flat shoes for her after a long night of walking in stilettos

See? It’s really the little things that count.

Why are White Women Attracted to Asian Men?

Many people have asked me that exact same question, and often times I find myself running through a list of stereotypical traits that Asian men are usually associated with. But what’s the real draw? Is it the black hair? Educational level? Smooth skin? Cultural values? Slanting eyes? Personality and character traits? Or is it something more?

Why WF decide to date an AM exclusively

When a WF decides to dates an AM exclusively, she is looking for a set of specific things that she often time cannot find in a WM. Firstly, I would have to say the main reason she chose this relationship is because of the interest in Asian cultures and the quest to be unique and different in her relationship choice. If she wanted to date a WM she would, but she may simply want to experience culturally something different then what she’s always known. Secondly, she may have had bad experiences with dating within her own race and based on cultural stereotypes ( such as higher level of education, work and family ethics), AM seem like a  relatively better option then what she has experienced in the past. Thirdly, the attraction to the exotic look which AM often have is just naturally interesting to her, and she is looking for a “better-looking mate” than would be possible within the white community.

What WF think about race and AM

Many WF have told me that they find AM to be more respectful and tuned into a woman’s needs and desires, tend to be equals in terms of attractiveness, education, income level, goals, etc, and that they naturally complement each other very well. Also, of the white women I know that date or are married to AM, none of them have told me they have any specific preoccupation with race in general nor do they have some weird expectations about being with an AM. No matter what race, women know some things are just universal about men and this applies to the AM as well.

What do I think?

Personally I feel like I tend to have higher standards when choosing the AM as a partner. Perhaps this is not the case for all WF that are attracted to AM. Maybe having “higher standards” is not fair for me to place upon the AM. Perhaps my perception of them has been influenced by anime, dramas, and stereotypes. But if a higher level of education, work and family ethics, and respectful personalities, mixed with exotic looks are even slightly accurate, I wanted in on that. And in all honesty, for most AM you will find exactly that.

The Connection – the lifeline of your relationship.

Okay maybe I lied a bit, yes this is something every woman is looking for in a relationship. The point is that even as guys, we don’t truly understand the importance of a connection beyond the physical level. However this is the difference between a relationship and a great relationship. If you seriously want to be with a White female, you will absolutely need a connection.

Yes as much as they appreciate you working long hours to provide, they really just want to be happy and be in a healthy connected relationship. The greater the bond, the less likely they are to look elsewhere for it.

Tuned to win.

In most cases, women are much more attuned to their senses and in this case emotions. As children they enjoyed sharing time with their peers – socializing. Meanwhile us men were off running around burning off excess energy and working towards a particular goal. You may have also found us glued to our portable video gaming machine. We were working together with other male friends, but not to bond, but to win.

Even I admit for a time I was glued to my Nintendo Gameboy(R) as a child. Girls were complicated and video games were just so much easier to relate with. I would still enjoy many games of football or soccer during recess. Still, the development of communication skills was seriously lacking.

What is the connection?

The connection spans beyond the realm of physical. It touches into the mental, emotional, and sometimes spiritual level. At first you may feel happy being around that person, while melancholy when they are not around. Is it something instant? Yes and no. Well, no for the most part. The fact of the matter is that the connection is something established and built over time.

Where it starts

I would say the three most important things for a connection to develop requires honesty, trust, and respect. This is definitely not something forced, or faked. Women are perceptive and can sense a person not being genuine. It’s really not that hard. If your “little boy” is hanging out of your pants all the time, prepare to be immediately rejected. It’s not to say that women don’t ever think of copulation, it’s just that there is an appropriate time and place. This is just not the time to do so.

Honesty

To be honest requires you to be secure with yourself. You must accept yourself as a whole. There is no need to share every single of your deepest dark secrets immediately – that takes time and trust. Yes, this will place you in a vulnerable position, but as the Asian male anything that increases your level of communication and expressiveness will win over the White female. Honesty embodies qualities of transparency and accountability. Be as honest as you can with her and she will return the favor.

Trust

Trust may take years to build up, and only moments to collapse.  To be trustworthy requires to you to have good intentions and deliver when someone has given you power. This is anything from doing a favor or keeping secrets. She does these things because she trusts you. As time passes and you do not abuse your power, you build trust.

Respect

Respect means treating her as a women, an individual, and your equal. Unlike your Asian female, the Caucasian woman wants to be heard. You may not have to agree with what she thinks or says when it comes to picking out Christmas decorations, but please try to understand her viewpoint and let her know that you respect her as a woman. It is of utmost importance that you listen to her, and not try to completely dominate her.  Otherwise you will receive a backlash of a series of unpleasant events.

Establish the three things and it will surely help your relationship.

Not a onetime deal.

This connection never stops. The day the connection is completely lifeless and all possible attempts to resuscitate life have been exhausted, that is the day the relationship ends. She will feel hurt, and helpless. Things just get worse. Comments become nagging, and then descends into a verbal match with both sides being hurt.

Why a connection is so important.

Women really do want to connect with someone, but they constantly have to put up with men who magically only a brain between their legs. Thus, she has to protect herself from these men.  A connection is meant for sharing. Yes men, you may think being in bed with her truly means you have complete intimacy with her. The truth is, you do not. Not even close. She can just as easily put on a persona to save your ego. How kind of her.  Now imagine if you bonded mentally and emotionally in addition to the physical connection. Your measly single lane road becomes  a ten lane freeway of goodness. Do I also add that the physical connection becomes even stronger as well? The point is that good things take time. You will know when you get there. Trust me.

Things you can do as an Asian male.

  • Conquer the language barrier and don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind and how you feel. Your White female wants to know, and help you.
  • Stop whatever you’re doing for leisure and give her every single second of that fifteen minutes she deserves. This establishes a time period to connect.
  • Ask her for help. Not only are you opening up to her, you’re entrusting her to advise you.
  • Do your part and clean up after yourself.  Mild untidiness is tolerated, but sloth is inexcusable.
  • Remind her that you appreciate all the little things she does for you. Hugs or hand holding are great, but use the kiss sparingly.

Meet the (Asian) Parents – Well. The mom.

So you finally found your Asian man, and after dating him for a while he wants to introduce you to his parents.

Hold on a second. I can tell as an Asian, that spells trouble already.  Well, good for him for willing to introduce you, but there is a lot more to it than it seems. Maybe I can help by providing some preparation material.

His Parents

Regardless of the country, Asians in general share the same ideology when it comes to dating. It has to be serious. The conservative Asian culture tends to frown on relationships purely based on private romantic interludes. If they are really traditional, serious dating is only the prequel to marriage.

Our parents roughly belong to the baby boomer generation. They grew up strongly influenced by their parents’ bitter post war mentality. Food was sparse, and the wealth of the family was low. The only way advance in society was to work harder. While the average person worked 8 hours, we pushed hard for 10 or even 12 hours a day. Our parents pinched every penny possible in hopes that their children could live a better life.

The View of Caucasians

It was not until the 19th century that there was strong Western influence over Asia. China had been crippled internally and was divided up among international powers for trade. Just like China, Vietnam and Philippines also had influences from the French and Spanish/Americans respectively. While this angst may not be directly carried over, we still have derogatory terms to refer Caucasians.

Japan was really the only nation to completely allow Western influence since 1853.

Now what are the chances that members of the Navy were kind, loving socialites? In most cases, they would have been the classic brutish aggressive man. On the side note, it makes me wonder. If the majority of the explorers in this world were Caucasian (including Europe), then it’s no wonder why white guys naturally go for the Asian girls. I really can’t name you any real Asian explorer. Honestly, I can’t think of one. We just loved our isolationism – guess that’s evolution.

Fast forward to modern times. I can tell you right now the biggest stereotypes Asian parents have of white people is that they are hedonists who has absolutely no control of their finances. Money is a big deal for Asians, and it doesn’t help with the common fear that a white person is going to steal all the wealth away. (refer to above)

For the hedonist portion, it’s more of a lack of control of impulses. This is tied into money by the fact that by immediately seeking pleasure, we are unable to build up wealth and become a slave to money. A stern, reserved, and discipline Asian is ideal.

These are some pretty big stereotypes to break through, and if you truly are in love with your Asian man, you cannot avoid this. However this is not impossible either.

The Phases of Acceptance

There are different mannerisms to treat people based on their social closeness. I would generally classify this as:

I.              The Foreigner – Parents will be reserved, and closed off
II.            The Friend – Now they see you as trustworthy and a good influence
III.          The Daughter In Law – Approval. Finally. You’re part of the family.

Obviously the ultimate goal is to reach the third one, but you have to earn your way through each phase.

Phase One – The Foreigner

Didn’t your parents tell you not to talk to strangers? Well if the parents aren’t fully Westernized then, this is probably the toughest layer to get past. Don’t worry, when you breakthrough this one, it’s smooth sailing. The one you really need to pay the most attention to is his mom. In traditional Asian families, dad brings in the income, and mom maintains household vitality. She is the key to the success and failure of the relationship. For the most part, I would believe the dad may not appear supportive to appease his wife, but secretly he is proud of his son.

His mom is always looking out for her beloved son. You have to establish you that you love him as a person and never for his finances or status. Stand firm, and hold your ground. This is a test of resiliency. She will want to find out your education, career path, and future. Anything practical and reasonable will be fine with her. She will be slightly displeased with an unpractical career like an artist. If her control of English is not strong, be warned that there will be a lack of tact. Don’t be offended, just agree and refrain from prolonged direct eye contact (it may be considered rude or hostile). Show some humility for brownie points. Make sure you find the correct ways to address everyone. Greet everyone in the household when you first enter. Find out proper Asian table manners.

Direct conversation may not be possible at this time, and most likely you will actually have to build rapport through his mom’s influences.

Phase Two – The Friend

Building rapport is done through the community. In most cases Asian are a tightly knit community usually based around religious faith, societal clubs, or social hobbies. Asian women love to socialize and gossip.

With such a close social network, everything is shared. This is why it is so important to establish your good intentions through secondary channels so that good word about you is spread to her friends. She will warm up knowing that you help out in the community. Conversely the opposite also holds true.

Minimize collateral damage by familiarizing yourself with Asian culture – and the cultural specifics to his nationality. General manners of respect and reservation is welcomed. Look into gift giving, don’t come empty-handed into his parent’s house for large social events. It doesn’t have to be something absolutely special, just a sign you are thinking about the family. There is a caveat, avoid clocks (your time to die), hats (unfaithfulness) for the most part – just ask your Asian friends. Something completely generic is fine. Don’t stress out.

Phase Three – The Daughter in Law

Congratulations. You’ve finally made it here. You’re part of the family. It was a rocky start at first, but look how far you’ve come along. Come and visit the family often, maybe bi weekly. By now you’ve earned respect from his mom. Make sure you always maintain it and maybe soon she’s going to rant to you. (A good sign when it’s not involving you)

If marriage is in the future, don’t worry Asian moms have their ways with their son. Show that you are fully competent in life skills, and they will be more than pleased.