Relating to Your Asian Male

Ever had that roadblock when your Asian Male is at loss for words? Actually it happens quite often. Aside from a language barrier, the most difficult thing for Asians, and especially Asian men in general is the lack of the ability to express ourselves. Like I have said many times before, our selection for rote memorization stems back over a thousand years ago from Chinese Imperial Exams. (Refer to The Great Divide article). Sad to say, the examination was primarily based on calligraphy, Chinese history, and principles of Confucius. Since then, not much has changed. Asian families still push for professional designations, and especially the careers that minimize the fear of public speaking.

As you may have found out from experience, the majority of Asians you encounter as a Caucasian female are quiet. However, when they are with a group of Asians, they are suddenly cheerful, and open to conversation.  It would be no different from a Caucasian venturing into Asia, unfamiliar with the language and culture. Would you then be excited seeing a group of individuals you could relate to?

One approach to addressing this communication block is the attempt to relate to his Asian side. This means picking up the language and even as far to learn all the custom. This approach would be most effective for those who are strongly are on the Asian side of the “Great Divide”. However I must warn you, if you choose this approach, you are silently expected to integrate into Asian society. Yes this may even go as far as living in Asia – if that is something you really like. Remember, Asian society is not quite the same as North American life. There is a strong patriarchal presence, and women are often treated as submissive inferiors.

Now if you Asian man is more Westernized, you will have to approach things differently. Having over excessive likings to Asian culture will surely turn him off. He does not have a problem with you watching your Korean dramas or listening to Taiwanese music, but when you start to become the submissive twelve-year-old girl he’s been trying to escape from, he becomes silent, and often annoyed. The truth is, we just like you for you. You, the white female, are genuinely loving and caring, there this natural life to your presence and not this elusive superficiality we often see with Asian women. We love seeing you happy around us. Believe it or not, it begins to rub off on us. When you are happy, we become happy too.

While we may not have a bubbly attitude towards life, we still enjoy your presence very much. Remember, we are men. We are here to listen, provide and protect you. What we need you to do is to have a big open heart for us, not be more Asian.