So I Thought She Liked Me…

As much as I have described about taking action, timing and attraction is critical. Even I admit this has happened to me. I remember years ago there was this girl I was really attracted to. She was tall, slender, and most important of all really intelligent. We met in school during our sophomore year; sort of by chance. One of my male colleagues was going on a date with a girl he asked out earlier. Turns out that girl decided to bring a female friend along and by some strange coincidence, my colleague asked me join him as well. Very well then, a pseudo double date it was – one couple to be with two tag-alongs.

Not much really happened. We walked around and hung out as a group of four, but this was only the beginning. Eventually as time passed I ended up getting some contact information and we began to communicate to each other casually via instant messaging. By freshman year, our two groups of friends merged to form a large collective. We hung out together as a group, sharing birthday parties, or special festive events. Slowly but surely something happened, she began opening up to me. I don’t quite remember what happened but I must have said something that had evoked strong feelings from her – little did I know that her parents were in the process of separating. Instead of asking the questions of what happened, I offered myself as someone she could turn to, someone to trust and confide in. That’s when something happened. The more I was with her, the more I was able to read her. It was natural, I knew what she was thinking, or feeling. Again, another summer event was on and out of the blue she asked if I wanted to attend it. Our friends who paired off were going, and she wanted to go as well. I was more than happy to accept.

Before the start of senior year, I mustered up the courage to ask her for lunch, and she agreed. I made sure I kept everything friendly. I made absolutely no advances, and put her in any uncomfortable situation. For the next few months, we spent hours communicating, sharing candid things about ourselves and great laughs as well. I would even drive her home after a night out with friends and the car ride talks were fantastic. Maybe this was something bound to work. On a physical level I did find her very attractive, and we were able to connect not only intellectually but emotionally? I think this was going to really work out. Maybe it was time to really confess my feelings.

It was a disaster. She kindly evasively said she was seeing someone else. I spent the rest of the night sulking in misery and not getting any sleep. By the next day, I met with another friend describing my situation and she told me the claim about my love interest seeing someone else was false. I was devastated – not only did I get turned down, I was lied to. I thought I read her correctly. I convinced myself that she was clearly interested in me, her body language was a yes, the conversations was a yes, and previous sequences of events led me to believe a yes as well. I was so wrong. My self-confidence took a serious beating. I was able to help so many of my friends deal with relationship problems, yet when it came to me I was absolutely pathetic.

The Aftermath

Years have passed and we eventually stopped talking to each other. Maybe on some random occasion I will run into her, but that’s only once a year. We both put the past behind us. No hard feelings towards her at all. To this day I still remember what happened and it is permanently scarred within my heart. Looking back on it, I take sole responsibility for the sequence of events. My lack of progression most likely hindered my chances. I made my move when I thought it was the perfect time and all clues seemed like it was a definite yes. What I had failed to realize is that I was completely void of passion and chemistry. It didn’t matter how nice and understanding I was, she was just really not interested in me to begin with.  Sure it was a physical, mental, and emotional match, but it was not meant to be.

Females also do go through similar situations as well. They put their heart out on the line, only to get it crushed by someone completely indifferent. However, as a male, and in particular as an Asian male, there really is no support group. In most cases this is not discussed with family, or is it shared with friends. It is a silent, private suffering.  For many, it’s very difficult to move on – it’s taken me years to finally accept it. Sometimes you just have to learn that there are things out of your control and just accept it.