The Forgotten Asian Father – Using TCAI

TCAII was requested by a reader of our blog to write about Asian Fathers. In most situations we usually hear about the Asian mother, how she can be controlling or vicious at times – but the father always seems to be left out. As posted earlier, Asians have a family lifestyle based on many Confucian principles that have been passed generation after generation. A typical Asian parenting system segregates the mother and father into two different roles. The father would work tirelessly to provide all basic needs to the family, while the mother would be in control of all domestic issues of the household. For the families that both parents work, it’s usually a small business that both parents run together. The mother would still feel responsible for raising the children in addition to her working commitments.

Though I have talked about the Asian male using the TCAI model we have developed at AMWF Love, this still applies to the Asian father as well. The breakdown is as follows.

The Technophile Dad

Possible Occupations: Family Physician, Engineer, Systems Analyst, Chemist, Physicist, Programmer, Staff Accountant, Pharmacist, Dentist, etc.

Coupled with the Ambitious Dad, this is probably the most common type of dad you will find. The reason why they are common is the values placed on education in Asia. Good grades do get you jobs, but they are jobs that are highly technical.

Much of their work is very technical and requires a great deal of thinking and careful skill. In most cases these occupations are not harsh on physical labour, but require much mental focus. When it comes to parenting, these types of fathers would fall under the traditional setup of being the provider for household income. The mother would then take full responsibilities of the domestic issues and including the payment of bills. Many issues will default to the mother’s opinion. The father will tend to agree with her, because she knows best. You will usually find this type of father the most aloof.

Default to the mother for issues – dad has no input.

The Comedian Dad

Possible Occupations:  Emergency Medical Technician, Physical Therapist, Pediatrician, Teacher, Education Administrator, Journalist, Actor, Financial Advisor, Financial Manager, Sales Manager, Civil Servant, Computer Support Specialists, Corporate Trainer, Public Relations Specialist, etc.

Being around people invigorates this type of Asian Father. Usually extroverted they use their strong knowledge in popular culture and social skills to gather groups of people together. There are not many of these types because traditionally being introverted and meek was highly treasured in Asia. For the ones who came to North America for post-secondary, their control of English is much stronger than those who have just moved to Canada or the United States. Thus an extroverted comedian type of father is usually fairly open to interracial dating. In this case, the mother plays more of a caring and nurturing role. Fortunately there is rarely a nasty side to her – but she may mother her son too much.

This is a fairly equal split between mom and dad – but they will usually have one unified opinion with situations.

The Ambitious Dad

Possible Occupations: Surgeon, Lawyer, Auditor, Entrepreneur, General Contractor, Politician, Senior Level Executive, Professional Athlete, Business General Manager, Military Leaders, etc.

In addition to the Technophile Father, the Ambitious Dad is someone to be feared yet respected at the same time. This type of Father works tirelessly to provide for his household. He spent years slaving away at school while his friends were partying. Ambitious Fathers believe they have every right to be strict. Hard work and focus led them to success and they expect their children to follow suit. After reaping their fruits of labour, they love hosting parties to indirectly showcase their successes.

The most difficult part dealing with Ambitious Fathers is their lack of emotional nurturing. They want to be proud of their children for their successes, and also want the bragging rights as well. Failure is not an option.

You may end up with a son with strained relations with his father. He will be very disciplined from the constant disappointment of his father – and hardened by his lack of emotional love from the family.

The Individual Dad

Possible Occupations: Architect, Psychologist, Writer, Designer, Artistic Director, Pilot, Consultants, Photographers, Composer, Philanthropist, etc.

These are extremely rare types.  To be an individual requires rejecting a collectivist mindset and truly believing in himself. Beyond the analytical situations with a yes/no, true/false, debit/credit, they embrace the fact that there is a grey area. Interracial dating is not an issue for the Individual Father, but having a son who has no idea about his own heritage is unacceptable. He is very capable of expressing his viewpoint, but often does not enforce it unless it is imperative. Free thinking can get you incarcerated in various Asian countries, and as a result there are such few types of these Individuals.

Depending on what the father feels is appropriate, he will help guide his son to excellence.

Dealing with His Father

Depending on the situation, you may love or have great difficulty dealing with his dad. Definitely the toughest one to please is the Ambitious Father who places such high standards on success. As a White Female, you may have to acknowledge that he is always number one. Success in Asian culture is strongly based on material wealth (which a high paying job provides). Even the Emperor had concubines – it was a sign of respect in the Old World because a man had to support every single wife. As a female, you may have to literally jump through hoops to prove that it is truly love.

A Technophile Father will just be happy to see is son dating. He remembers how daunting the dating experience was for him. Showing love and dedication to his family will win their hearts.

The Comedian Father never runs out of stories to tell. He’s also a complete sucker for beautiful women. Perhaps he is both proud and jealous his son managed to date a White Female.

Finally the Individual type of Father will virtually have no gripes at all. His perceptive nature allows him to truly tell if it’s love or not. While the Technophile and Ambitious types tend to be more conservative, the Comedians and Individuals are much more liberal and open to change. Although my dad has elements of each of the four types of TCAI, I would peg my father to actually be closest to a comedian. He does do some crazy things, but he brings a smile to everyone’s face. My siblings ended up as the Ambitious type, but somehow I found myself to be an Individual. Anything can happen.

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Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior – The Origins of Filial Piety

A few weeks ago I was reading the Wall Street Journal’s article on “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” by Amy Chua. A week later I saw the article being mentioned on my friendly Chinese television channel with Amy mentioning that she was not responsible for the title, as it was more of a recollection of her memoirs. Clearly this caused uproar across the nation – almost saying that the rest of the non-Chinese mothers are clearly inferior. While this may have been a publicity stunt, I suppose it would be worth elaborating on Chinese mothers. Actually this does apply to Asian mothers and not just Chinese mothers.  However for historical purpose, I will focus on Chinese mothers.

Historical Traditions

The reasons for strict Asian mothers would stem from two things. First would be the nature of the family system developed by Confucius roughly 500BC. This would set the standards for what is also known as filial piety. In simpler terms, filial piety describes the nature in which an individual is to behave towards parents, family, manners, respect, and much more.  While I may not have been aware of the exact terms and origins as a child growing up in a Chinese Canadian family, but I learned many qualities of piety as a child.

Having this extreme loyalty to your family is quite common. The family system (including extended family) can be something truly remarkable. When a member of the family is faced with adversity, the family comes together to support each other. If a family store is destroyed by natural disaster, everyone will do their best to pitch into the rebuild. To show respect is extremely important in Asian culture. Yes, it is almost to the point where you have to be subordinate to elders – it’s expected.

Aside from Confucius, the second part that contributes to strict Chinese parenting would be the Chinese Imperial examination system as early as around 600 AD.  Careers were essentially assigned by your grades. Now that may sound normal, but consider the fact that what was tested was content in Confucianism, music, calligraphy, mathematics, and military tactics. Clearly this would also contribute to why Asian mothers can be so demanding on their children over 1400 years later.

When Filial Piety Goes Too Far

Hopefully, Amy Chua’s article was just tongue in cheek. Though I must admit I have friends with “slightly” neurotic Chinese moms. The tough part is when the Chinese mom believes she has the right to exercise her full control of her child. Filial piety is something not exercised from top down. That is, the mother does not utterly force, or break her child into complete submission, but rather it is something the child gives back.

By this you could infer that it is an expression of love in Asian culture. To make sacrafices for the ones you love is one of the most important principles. That means putting in time and effort to endure some slight hardship to benefit the family unit. Perhaps this is why Asian Men are so inclined to provide. The only slight flaw to this is that the strength of the principles are based on Confucius and his family system (it has been over 2000 years of practice) – something the White Female is not accustomed to.  Being more of the free-thinking individual White Female, she needs an emotional connection. A bond beyond the provision of basic needs. She needs to be loved and cared for – not by you solving all her problems, but by being supportive.  This is something constantly reciprocated, so it is important that you have to open up as an Asian Male. Being a cold wall can be very hurtful, but letting her know that you are making attempts to understand her will make things so much easier.

Seeking a White Female is not to be considered a rebellious act against our heritage (while others may think differently). It is simply the fact that the White Female has many qualities that we are attracted to. Somehow it just so happened she is Caucasian. Understand why Asians are just Asians, and Asian men specifically. As for his possible neurotic Asian mom, she’s like that because she feels it is a threat to the Confucian family system. There could be a multitude of reasons why she feels threatened: hedonistic behaviour, lack of financial skills, or maybe that you are out to steal the family wealth (they really do think that sometimes). Show your respect for her and honour cultural traditions, and she’ll eventually warm up to you.

Standards of Beauty in Asia and the West: How much do Asian Men Care?

I have noticed that many Asian women are insecure about their physical appearance, far more so than their Western counterparts. There seems to be a heavy amount of social pressure to be extremely thin and to meet that I see as nearly unattainable standards of beauty. They seem to be reminded constantly by parents and friends, not just by the usual commercial advertisements. These standards of female attractiveness include a desired height, oval faces, thinness, pale complexion, and absence of freckles, all very typical of Asia. But what I find also interesting is that Asian women also are preferred to have large eyes with eyelids, and a pronounced bridge of the nose, making them have more Western or Eurasian features. In the quest to attain these features many women undergo cosmetic surgical procedures such eyelid surgery, and nose jobs. They also use skin whiteners on a regular basis for clear, white or pale skin, and they avoid exposure to the sun whenever possible.

Think about it, that’s billions of dollars spent annually on cosmetic surgery and products to meet this standard! It’s not to say that the west does not also spend billions a year on cosmetics, because we do. Perhaps cosmetics surgery is a bit less likely to occur for the average women though. In a society with a collectivist mentality, it seems that this becomes a focus for all women in Asia whether they would like it to or not. In my family no one has undergone theses types of procedure (that I know of) and that could be due to the fact that here in America we just do not place as much emphasis on looking like everyone else. But what I do see here is that Asian women often place value of material goods, such as clothing, shoes, and expensive purses. In some ways I feel like Asian women are just raised to place so much value in how they look, how they appear to others, and it produces, terribly pampered, spoiled, and narcissistic personalities.

When I ask Asian men, who like white women, what they think of this they all give me the same response. “That’s why I don’t date Asian women.” Of course there are plenty of women in the US and around the world that also place a high value on materialist goods. It is just human nature to want the best, and I do not mean to imply all women of any race feel a particular way. But the fact remains that in a collectivist society beauty can really only come in one shape or form and that conformity must be extremely difficult deal with.

With this kind of pressure for Asian women to look a certain way, White women naturally question their own looks. They have asked me if I feel that Asian men would prefer if they had a more Asian look to them. Should they have dark hair, straight hair, dark eyes, or wear Asian fashions? Women, no matter what race, age, or society always seem to constantly questions there appearance and seek validation for it. Oddly enough the answer Asian men always give me is that they like the unique physical features of western women. They like blue, green, gray, or brown eyes. They don’t care if your 5 ft or 5ft 7inches tall. They don’t care if you have tanned skin, freckles, or a pure white skin.

Bottom line, they don’t really care, they love the diversity and do not want women to try and be something they are not.I think it’s important to remember, that Asian men who are not interested in a collectivist type of society, are also not looking for women who would embrace that mentality.They do not hold white women to a certain standard of beauty, other then to what they personally feel is attractive to them. So I need to ask the question, why do women try so hard? Why do we try and be something that we are not in order to attract men, when Asian (or otherwise) men clearly don’t care that much. If anyone has that answer I would like to hear it!

The Introvert & Extrovert – TCAI Explored

Based on previous posts, I have made the framework to fit Asian men into four main archetypes: the Technophile, Comedian, Ambitious, and Individual. These four archetypes from our AMWF Love TCAI Model. What I did not fully include was the predominance of being an introvert or extrovert.

The Introvert

Having a predominant introverted personality is not necessarily a bad thing. Introverts are blessed with a keen internal sense of the environment. Many are gifted with analytical abilities and will think of the consequences first before taking action. While people may be inclined to naturally gravitate towards the extrovert first, the introvert will be more likely to stay out of trouble.

The Extrovert

Extroverts feed off of the energies of people. They are exciting, lively, and exuberant. One of their greatest talents is their people skills. If placed in a room full of strangers, don’t worry, this extrovert will be right at home. Unfortunately being open as it is invites everyone which will result in a large filtering process.

TCAI – Introversion & Extraversion

The breakdown is as follows:

  • Technophile – Introverted / Extroverted: The gifted master of analytical skills needs time to think and process information.
  • Comedian – Introverted / Extroverted: There’s nothing like making people smile, laugh, and enjoy being around you.
  • Ambitious – Introverted / Extroverted: To be successful, you must assemble a team and lead them to victory.
  • Individual – Introverted / Extroverted: Being yourself and having a means of self-expression is what you live for.

Obviously all four Archetypes have the other traits, but I am just listing the most common types. It is absolutely possible to be an Extroverted Technophile – just uncommon.

Finding Middle Ground

As you probably know already, if you don’t make the first move, the chances are that nothing will happen – no risk, no relationship. One who is naturally extroverted will venture out into the unknown, while the introvert may sit back too long only to have missed the opportunity. The opposite does hold true as well. Being far too outgoing can label you as someone overly aggressive or insincere. Women are very intelligent, and will wisely decline your advances. With technology, information can be distributed instantaneously, thus a huge backlash may follow.

Now as Asian men, we have to find that sweet spot between introversion and extraversion. No matter which type you predominately are, you must come off non-threating and genuine to a White Female if you plan on pursing a serious long-term relationship with her. This of course does not mean having a lackluster approach, but let her know you are interested and take the chance.

Don’t:

  • Come off desperate, overly aggressive, and/or disrespectful
  • Have a hidden agenda
  • Pretend to be someone you are really not
  • Fiddle with your smart phone, PSP, or DS while you talk to her

Do:

  • Have a genuine caring personality
  • Let her know you are interested in her
  • Accept rejection graciously
  • Believe in yourself
  • Smile

The take home message: Identify who you are, your strengths, and weaknesses – if you are not happy with your current situation, then take the opportunity to improve it – everyday, one day at a time.

Modernization Versus Westernization

I’ve often felt that these two terms are used interchangeably, but there is a distinct difference between the two words. Asian guys, if you plan to cross the “Great Divide” over to the Caucasian side, then this is something you have to pay attention to.

Modernization

This deals with the application of contemporary techniques adapted from research.  In a tangible sense, this is done to advance society forward to benefit the welfare of society as a whole. Take for example LEED certification for buildings or the use of vegetation in walls to create a living wall. The one thing we have to remember, Modernization is mostly tangible than anything else. You can feel the weight of the MP3 player in your hand; you can listen to the latest electro hip-hop mix, or venture out to taste the latest creations at your favorite Avant-garde restaurant. We use resources external to ourselves to improve the lives of others.

Westernization

While often used synonymously with Modernization, Westernization would be more of the adoption of social ideals from Western Culture. What is meant by this is the practicing of ideology of freedom, individuality, and creativity. In contrast to Modernization, this is something we have to evaluate or create compared to applying techniques.

Some Western Ideals include:

Freedom – the ability to express oneself in a non-hateful manner without having to face incarceration or any other penalty. It is the ability to have a choice, to be able to choose what to experience (assuming non-hateful).

Equality – At its best, there is no discrimination between social classes, ethnic groups, gender, etc.

Morality – there is a set of proper behaviors in society that are right and wrong.

Fairness – the distribution of resources is allocated in a manner that is most beneficial to all recipients.

Honesty – the transparency of truthfulness and the absence of cheating or lying.

How this applies to AMWF

In my personal experience, the most difficult thing dealing with Asians studying post-secondary at North American institutions is the lack of regard for others.  They will help others as long as there is an equal benefit or greater in return. This is a very big concern if you plan on being in a relationship with a White Female.

Relationships are indeed a combination of both Modernization and Westernization. The use of technology has expedited the rate of communication and information gathering considerably over the past twenty years. When it comes to the Asian Male and White Female relationship, this may become an issue. The Asian Male completely devoid of social issues needs to recognize the White Female needs much more than the provision of basic securities such as living expenses and transportation. There are social and emotional needs that have to be met. What it means is that she needs someone to interact with, someone to turn to – someone to love and comfort her. It is not to say that being well established is a bad thing, but it isn’t everything when it comes to being with a White Female.

What it means to be Westernized means having the inherent sense of societal values. Of course this is something not exactly taught in school, but is developed from experiences. Once you are past the honeymoon phase in a relationship, physical appearances play less importance over values and ideals. Your White Female will be very patient with you providing that you make a genuine effort to learn from your mistakes.

White Girls Use Chopsticks

I was eating at a typical Asian western restaurant, and I took a minute to look around at the masses of white people enjoying Americanized versions of what is Asian food. Now to me I try and avoid this westernized version. A plate of fried noodles, fried rice, and fried chicken wings is not Asian food. Not only is that not what Asia has to offer when it comes to its culinary creations and traditions, but it’s just bad for you. I myself enjoy white rice, steamed vegetables, any kind of marinated grilled meats, steamed buns, noodle bowls, maki rolls, and anything healthy that my westernized pallet can handle. Anyway, but what really struck me as odd was the fact that most people don’t use chopsticks. Not only that, but these westernized Asian restaurants do not usually offer them. Yes, you have to ask your server for if you want to use them.

Ok…. so the average white person can’t use chopsticks to save their life, and I guess the Americanized restaurants just don’t bother. Honestly I feel bad when I see someone trying to use them because it occurred to me that no one has taken the time to show them how. It’s really not rocket science, just hold them at the very end and you will have better control at the tip. But I see so many people holding them in the middle of the chopsticks, and they wonder why it seems so hard to use?  I was taught by my lovely Asian hubby and it maybe took me 2 days to master it. I practiced by picking up a grain of rice, and I didn’t even bother with larger foods. I figured if I could master that right away, I could use them for anything. Which I can… plus I mean if a 5 year old kid in china can use it, I better be able to also. Actually I use them more often then he does, as he says that a fork is just more efficient. Perhaps he is correct, but I refuse to eat my Ramen with a fork, the chopsticks work so much better.

Usually I go to the small family style Asian restaurants, you know, the kind where the owners talk to you. The reasonably priced ones, not fancy, and have the best traditional comfort foods that Asia has to offer. The kind of place where tea is always free as part of your meal, and chopsticks are already on the table. The last time I was at a place like this, an adorable middle aged Asian lady who served us told me that I use chopsticks better then she does. No joke! I felt so happy about her acceptance and approval. It made me feel so proud that as a white female, I can be comfortable in a culture that was not originally my own. Also, she seemed to think we were a cute couple.

So can white girls eat at traditional Asian family style restaurants and fit in… yes they can, and can she use her chopsticks just as well ( or even better) then anyone else… hell yes!

Don’t Think, Feel. AMWF Advice

So one random night I decided to watch one of my favorite Asian idols of the 60’s and 70’s, Bruce Lee. I would say he would be one of the early AMWF couples out there. Well, technically his mom was half Chinese, so that makes him three-quarters Asian. Still close enough. Anyways, I so happened to watch Enter the Dragon (1973) to revisit my childhood films. There was this very early scene where Bruce Lee is teaching a lesson to his pupil one afternoon. As I recall it was about him talking about feeling. This is a grey area for Asian for the most part.  The video is posted for you to enjoy:

Emotional Content

Emotional expression for Asian men can be a difficult subject to address.  I remember when I was young my mom always taught me to be stoic, because if you revealed too much of your emotions, people could seize the opportunity to take advantage of you. Yes she was correct for the general public interaction, but when you’re in a relationship with a white female, you cannot treat her like a business client. Now let’s assume you’re already in the relationship with her, to make it work you do have to make an effort to take care of her, listen and love her.

In this case the emotional part is the ability to give into the moment.  While using a primary analytical method works for many industries, this is a relationship – not a job or religion. Of course this does not mean making poor judgments, but allowing the natural instinct to take over. Every man is capable of this, but some have an easier time than others. Don’t stress out, it can be learned over time. Fortunately you are paired with someone who is highly tuned to emotional expression, your white female. By no means is it a sign of weakness when you ask her for help regarding this. She will gladly be patient with you, because you are making an effort to connect with her. Remember this is when you’re in a relationship – it will take a considerable amount of time to develop.

Definitely one of the skills as an Asian male is to develop empathy. What that means is you don’t have to cry with her when watching a sappy film. Instead, you can put an arm around her shoulder as a sign of comfort and security. You understand why the characters feel like that.  Remember, she’s not asking you to be a woman, but she wants you to be a man, to love and protect her – just be sure to reach out and bond with her. As Bruce Lee says, “Don’t Think, Feel.”

AMWF in Movies

When I think about the media and how often you see AMWFs in any shape or form, I think it is still kind of rare but growing here in the US. I can although remember the first time I saw something like that. It was the original version of The King and I. It was about a widowed English teacher who tutors the Siamese (Thailand) king’s children. It probably was the first time I really saw the meeting of East and West, and some of the struggles that came with falling in love with someone from a different culture. As a kid I found this fascinating, two different people from two different cultures? How could they fall I love? As I watched this movie I realized that compromise was a big part of making things work. I mean… you can’t choose who you fall in love with, even if they are on the other side of the world in a foreign place.

When it comes to the movies, to be honest most AMWF productions have fell short of the awesomeness that was a classic like The King and I. I am not one for overly dramatic movies, or for the ones that end in heartache, death, or anything else as depressing as that. I like my movies to have happy endings, but most movies on the topic seem to turn out the other way. I feel like we need to see some more AMWF movies that are romantic comedies or action movies with a dash of love thrown in; the kind of movie that gives you that warm fuzzy feeling, and makes your cheer. Here are some AMWF (related) movies. I could be missing some, so please correct me if I am wrong.

 

The King and I (1956)

The Inn of the Sixth Happiness (1958)

The Crimson Kimono (1959)

A Majority of One (1961)

‘Bridge to the Sun (1961)

Bombay Talkie (1969)

The Great Wall (1986)

The Lover (1992)

Pushing Hands (1992)

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1993)

Too Tired To Die (1998)

Restless (1998)

The Replacement Killers (1998)

Kiss of the Dragon (2001)

The One (2001)

For All Eternity ( 2002)

Japanese Story (2003)

The Guru (2003)

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

The Namesake (2007)

Shanghai Kiss (2007)

Never Forever (2007)

The Ramen Girl (2008)

Mao’s Last Dancer (2009)

The Warrior’s Way (2010)

The Spy Next Door (2010)

 

A  P.S. on Anime:

The only Japanese anime that I know of with a true AMWF is Hanasakeru Seishōnen in which Kajika Burnsworth (USA) falls in love with Lee-Leng Fang (China) mixed in with an international plot. Another Japanese anime, it started with a kiss 2, (which was remade in Taiwan as a live action with Larisa Rui Sha and Jiro Wang) involves a supporting character form the story that is chased after by a white female. Her persistence pays off and He gives in and accepts her love.

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts on Asian History of Westernization & Television

Recently I was in a nice debate with one of my fellow peers. He’s the kind of proud Korean. Somehow we got into a conversation regarding Asians and Western Culture. Being the Korean of course he would vote for his own country being the country that adopts Western ideology. I honestly was indifferent – I believe that modern globalization has bridged the gap between the East and West considerably. However, just for the sake of it, let’s look at the history:

I’d like to add that Western influence in Asia started since 1591; the Spanish introduced Western civilization ideals to the Philippines. The spread of Imperialism grew for the next 300 years. By the mid 1800’s, many European powers and the United States had their stakes in Asia. China and Korea practiced Isolationism – a method whereby the expansion was limited from land, but still vulnerable by the seas. Eventually this led to the Opium Wars forcing China into complete submission and consequently China was divided primarily by the European powers. From 1897-1997 the British exercised their 100 year lease on Hong Kong, and the Portuguese followed with their 1899-1999 takeover of Macau. Smaller regions also include Singapore in 1819 by the British, and Indonesia in 1602 by the Dutch.

Out of all the nations, Japan was actually the most open to Western Culture during the 19th Century with Commodore Perry from the US Navy arriving on Japan’s coast by 1853; and by 1867, Japan began its Westernization movement (Meiji Restoration).

As for Korea, they had practiced Isolationism the most out of all Asian nations. In 1945, after the defeat of Japan in World War II, Korea was divided in two nations. The US supported South Korea, and the Soviet Union backed the North.

As for television. I would consider it to be a medium for broadcasting information, and also a platform for broadcasters to lease advertising time for organizations. Shows are created with a target audience in mind, with an “ideal” lifestyle. Watch it long enough and you begin to also want that lifestyle as well. We begin adopting mannerisms that producers want us to believe, and we partially lose our own identity by accepting the collectivist ideology. No Asian country is free from this superficiality, nor are Western Cultures.

We want to see the hero kick some serious butt, and fall in love with the heroine. What makes drama so exciting is the glitz and glamour – the trials and tribulations of our hero. In a sense the hero is a catalyst for our own inner self. What kind of girl wouldn’t want to be swept away by a gorgeous and charming Asian man?

The bottom line, we love to escape into our fantasies, but don’t forget about reality.

Asian men often wonder: Do less divorces in Asia mean more dedication and happier marriages?

Asian men have expressed concern when it comes to white women and the higher divorce rates often found in the westernized counties. The main concern with the higher divorce rates is that it brings into question the dedication that western women would have in marriage and relationships. For traditional Asian cultures the idea of divorce is something that is still not favored, just as it was not favored in westernized cultures many years ago. Today that mentality still exists in the west, somewhat, but there are allowances for situations and persons; as the west is after all an individualistic based society.

I have always believed that family is most important. I was raised that way just like much of Asia (I guess), but I also was raised to marry for love, and happiness. I was raised to understand that your partner should treat you with respect, but that respect was not just about providing financial stability or for status.  So like many people in the west, this mentality would naturally lead us to leave a relationship that would not provide emotional stability. On the flip side, I have watched many Asian couples and noticed that the husbands and wives are often separate, at home they are off around the house doing separate activities, and you just rarely ever see them spend quality time talking, sharing, or expressing affection. So I wondered then if the function of marriage is what’s still different between cultures?

If women in the west were simply satisfied with a husband who provided money and a comfortable home for her children, she would also not seek to separate, no matter how much an emotional connection lacks between them. But a westernized woman does not see a relationship that lacks communication, passion, love and respect as a stable environment, for herself and for her children. Perhaps some women and men in Asia still see the function of marriage as a way to provide for material things, and they are willing to put up with the lack of affection, love, and expression. Perhaps here are the reasons why we see more separations in the west, because we just think differently about what marriage should be.

Now I can’t say this is factually true, because I have no data to prove it. I can’t say this is false because I have made these observations myself and have talked to many Asian men about it. But I think the real point is that regardless of the rate of divorces in any country, we can not say that people are happier when they don’t separate. Much of Asia is quite modern and westernized, and our generation may really agree on what marriage should be as compared to previous generations. Overall though, I don’t think Asian men who are interested in westernized women need to worry. If she is happy, why would she ever want to leave you? So to all the Asian men who worry about western women being dedicated to you, don’t be. With your dedicated, respectful, communicative, and loving nature you will always be sure to please her.