Fantasy & Reality – Beyond Skin Deep

With modern technological advancements, we are able to share information instantly. When it comes to learning about another culture, we turn to mainstream mediums such as television and internet to provide us with an insight into the culture. Often at times this perception does not accurately reflect what actually happens in Asia or in North America.

Skin Deep

Come to think of it, I have come across a term called Asian Fetish, but I feel that it is incomplete. For a person with an Asian Fetish, they would like almost everything Asian. In this case, we usually assume it to be a Caucasian Female who is deeply interested in anything Asian. While this may seem refreshing at first for the Asian Male, we begin to realize that she has fallen in love with a fantasy. Exposure to Asian popular culture can be a good thing, but it can leave you only wanting the superficial and physical characteristics of Asian Men.

The reality is that there is much more to the Asian Male than just his appearance, and this goes the same for everyone else. Appearance and grooming certainly makes the Asian Male attractive, but once you are in a real committed relationship it becomes less important when dealing with love. You could say the physical appearance is a filtering process, a pass or fail. By passing, it means White Females are open to communication without feeling uncomfortable, while failing means under no circumstance will they communicate with you.

The White Fetish

Caucasian females in Asian Culture are often depicted with two qualities: bosoms and promiscuity. Of course this is not an accurate representation of Western Culture, but by only studying popular television series, there is a strong emphasis on physical intimacy. Fortunately, there are aspects of White Females we really appreciate. Among those are the ability to love, care, and express emotion.

More to the Asian Male

Great, now you have found your Asian male, but that’s when the real relationship begins. Prepare for the culture shock. Of course the learning process may be easier with a Westernized Asian Male, but for the ones in Asia, you will learn many cultural and societal differences that may require compromising. I have highlighted some issues regarding this historically based on Confucius and Filial Piety – I have also discussed both the Asian Mother and Father.  These are very issues that a White Female will experience in an AMWF relationship.

The Secret Truth

In all honesty, being around a White Female completely interested in everything Asian makes me uncomfortable, actually it downright scares me. Nobody wants to be the Asian Male only to be replaced by another new and shiny model walking by. Believe me, it makes me uneasy having a White Female in love with everything Asian, and you begin to be unsure if she really has feelings for you, or you just happen to be Asian. Remember, we Asian Males love White Females because their enormous capacity to express love and forgive – not by how Asian they are.

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17 Responses to Fantasy & Reality – Beyond Skin Deep

  1. Kate Choi says:

    This was interesting 🙂 I agree that men/women who have a “fetish” for asian culture are scary. I think some white men date asian women just because of the fact that they are asian, not because of the person whom they are or because they believe in the “af stereotype”, which I have yet to met an asian woman that the stereotypical asian woman….most of them will tell you what they think and then some. I think some white women also do this too, in fact I cringe too when I see a white girl trying very hard to ‘act” asian…and I’ve seen it, though rarely. I mean ultimately people should be what makes them happy, regardless of what that is, but it is odd to see someone reject their own race and culture for another. Though I personally know what those feelings are like, sometimes I wish I weren’t white, it’s boring to me. But I don’t think the grass is greener on the other side.

    As far as white woman stereotypes, it makes me disgusted to see how white women are portrayed in asian media….we all are these hyper sexualized, loose immoral women….which makes me disgusted and yet laugh at the same time because it’s so so far from the truth. It’s as far from the truth as the stereotype that asian women are these docile, innocent, childlike creatures who are completely submissive to men or that black women are loud, obnoxious, no education, and no idea who their baby daddy is….such stupid stereotypes. I mean sure, you can find someone in every race who will match up with those stereotypes….but most people I’ve met, don’t even remotely resemble those stereotypes….I know white women who are rather “slutty” and do gross things, but the majority of the white women I know are wonderful, caring, hard working, and conservative, heck I go to a Christian college, almost all of my fellow teachers are very, very high moral people. Most teachers I know actually. Soooooo yeah, I’m not sure how I’m going to react when I go to Korea this summer and be faced with men thinking that because I’m white, I’ll be more likely to sleep with them or that I must be somewhat slutty….or worse…that i’m a Russian prostitute (Despite the fact that I don’t even remotely look Russian, nor have any Russian in my heritage).

    But I figure, people will judge me no matter what and I’ll probably be held under the microscope more so in Korea just because I do look SO different, and speak SO different, and have different cultural views that are SO different…..It’s kinda scary that people will be basing their opinions of Americans off of me because they are so limited in their exposure to real Americans and especially real American women…..but I’m OK with it, I’m a great woman and I’m proud to be American.

    On a personal note, I don’t think I’ve ever had an “asian fetish”, I do appreciate a lot of asian culture and somethings I don’t care for (I don’t particularly like the Korean respect system). However, I will admitt that I have ALWAYS found asian babies just so adorable, and while I think white babies and every other color babies are beautiful too, I just happen to find asian babies just too cute (funny, my husband’s mother and sister think white babies are the cutest). So I’ve always wanted a half asian child, because I think eurasians are beautiful, I think they tend to be prettier than asian and white. I mean come on, Mason Moon Morehouse….most beautiful half white/half korean baby ever. So cute. Daniel Henney, hottest star in Korea to me, etc,. So yeah, I’m looking foreward to having a half white/half korean baby this year in Korea 🙂 I can’t wait, I think it’s going to be so interesting how my husband and I’s features will blend.

    Anyway great read 🙂

    • AMWF Love says:

      Thanks for the insanely quick reponse Kate. Wow. I’m always amazed by your comments.

      This article was very difficult to address actually, probably because of the lack of content. Like anything, basing a person only by appearance isn’t a fair assessment, but that’s how it is. I have some colleagues who are white females that turn to the Asian culture as a way to connect. Perhaps as a counter-culture movement to their Western lifestyle.

      Most of the negative thoughts and views of White Females tend to orginate from an Asian Male’s parents. The usual claims are they are hedonistic individuals who incur massive amounts of debt. Of course it’s only natural for parents wanting to see their son in a happy and successful marriage – they don’t want it to end up in a bitter divorce. In a way now I understand why Asian mothers put the White Female girlfriend through such rigors – so she can prove that she is truly worthy of being with her son. I do agree that it’s unfair you have to do that as a White Female. If they are Traditional, then they would expect the White Female to integrate into Asian Culture. That’s sort of unfair.

      LIke I have mentioned television (in this case Internet) has played a major role over the depiction of Asian Culture to White Females. Just as American celebrities have medical enhancements, Asians also have them as well – and the business is thriving.

      As for the Korean Respect System – it is consistent across the board for Asia. It actually does originate from Confucius and is now known better as Filial Piety. When it works, it is fantastic. I would say during adversity, the family can bind together – extended family too..aunts and uncles. At it’s worst, it is very rigid, and falls to the mercy of the elders – because they have the veto power.

      Anyways thank you for writing Kate, I really appreciate it. Things like this makes me feel happy to write for people who enjoy what Laura and I blog about.

      고맙습니다 (komapsumnida – thanks)

      Brian

  2. Alex says:

    Hi again 🙂
    I have a question, when I requested about the asian fetish I was thinking more in terms of sexuallity and not so much about women who are crazy about asian cultur.I did look up the term and it seems that it also falls under fetish category.Dont get that because fetish has with sexuallity to do.Any way will not get in to what I initially asked because I have a feeling you guys could be a bit conservative.Nothing wrong with that 🙂 just dont dare to ask because someone may get offended.What I want to ask now after reading your article is what exactly do u mean that this type of women have fantasy about asian men that is not reallty.Women are use to hollywood who exaggarate stuff and Im pretty sure no women actually thinks that Asian guys are all gonna act like the guys in Japaniese/Korean drama.And to be honest I dont even think there is that many mature western women who want this type of guys because watching some of the stuff I have to say that its more something that will appeal to younger girls.But I would love if u could tell exactly what fantasy u guys are scared of that we may have that does not measure up according to u 🙂

    • AMWF Love says:

      Hey Alex, thanks for clarifying your question.

      You see, in Asia for the most part speaking of sex is almost taboo. It is definately not taught in Asian education systems to my knowledge. Schools do not teach that, nor do your parents. If you read my article regarding Guilt & Shame it becomes apparent that being in a Shame based society usually means you don’t pubically show sexual desire, as you immediately stand out. However, as long as it is kept secret, then it is considered fine. This is contrary to Western society with Christian and Judaism influences with regards to Guilt. Shame is a global feeling, “I am a terrible person”, while Guilt is more of “I regret losing my cool yesterday”. This does not mean we have no sexual desire at all, we just try to refrain from having “our male parts hanging out of our pants” in public. Although showing more restraint is respectful, it somewhat does limit our experiences. What I mean by that is the “overall performance”, but there are definately exceptions to that.

      Television, and popular culture in Asia plays a large role on sexual desire. It is almost muted for the most part. There is definately attraction involved, but it wouldn’t be considered passionate like Western Cultures. Men still get jealous, angry, and they fight for women. Kissing is rather tame, sort of cute than anything else.

      Now in North America, the more Western Asians born and raised in Canada or the United States, have a mix of both Eastern and Western values. The majority of their Eastern values come from their family (including extended). Depending on their other influences, they may adopt a more Western lifestyle. They will always have a mix of both.

      As for the fantasy and reality portion, it is simply a global overstatement that because they are “Asian” they must be: handsome, smart, well dressed, suave, etc. Television series are simply used by television networks to attract audiences of a particular demographic while providing organizations advertising time. Hence why cleaning and household products are marketed to Soap Opera viewers, seeing that they usually are stay at home moms. Furthermore, I think the problem with the Fantasy part is the fact that we are shown that placing two attractive people, one handsome male, and one beautiful female will result in automatic attraction. If the Asian male is blessed with physical characteristics then it’s not a big deal for him, but for the others (and I mean about 95% of the Asian male population) it is quite difficult. They would love being with a White Female, but if she only prefers the ones depicted in popular culture, then they feel like they have no chance – and consequently, never try.

      Personally what scares me is more of the White Female who aboslutely loves all things Asian. She wants to be so Asian (or what she imagines it to be) she incorporates absolutely everything together. This is different from choosing to integrating into Asian society, because that would be a White Female “choosing” to take a fantasy, rather than “accepting” integration. It’s a very subtle detail – but can be a dealbreaker. It’s great that she loves Asian culture, but when a White Female loves it so much (and everything else) you begin to question whether she loves you as a person, or are you just a vessel for her to bring her closer to her Fantasy Asian society (and not for love). What I mean by Fantasy is taking in only the perceived things about Asian Culture, while neglecting everything else.

      I hope that helps. Otherwise I’ll write you an article.

      – Brian

  3. Tara says:

    Hi Brian,

    I’m wondering if you can give me a little advice. I’m going to be moving to Seattle from Beijing in a few months, and I’m a bit apprehensive about diving into the dating pool.

    I’m curious as to what an Asian male will perceive as crossing the line between acceptable appreciation of Asian culture and creepiness. As someone who has a deep interest in foreign countries/cultures (China in particular) I definitely don’t want to come off as being interested in a guy ONLY because he is Asian. While I have a preference for Asian guys, I certainly don’t see Asian guys as interchangeable and I was attracted to both of my Asian exes for different reasons. I’ve been on first dates with Asian guys and declined a second date a few times, usually because of personality or lack of chemistry. And I can somewhat empathize with the feeling that someone is only interested in you because of your race or because you seem “exotic”….I sense there are plenty of guys here in China that would be interested in a European or American just to say they were with a white foreign girl, and I 100% agree with you that it’s not a good feeling being on the other side of that.

    So I’m just curious as to what point interest in Asian culture becomes a liability. I don’t really want to send a guy running in the opposite direction just because I know a bit of Mandarin, lived in China teaching English for a few years, own books about Chinese history and had a couple Asian exes. Ironically the living in China part has given me a greater appreciation for certain “Western” values like individuality, the right to question authority, tolerance and emotional expression. I’ve realized that while I often enjoy the company of Asians, I would much rather live in American society. I would ultimately like to strike a balance between both cultures.

    I really hope an Asian guy wouldn’t write me off simply because my previous boyfriends also happened to be Asian. I guess I find the prospect of that happening kind of hurtful considering that I have sometimes found myself in the position of defending Asian guys to white guys and even some Asian girls.

    I look forward to your insight on this. Also, Happy Chinese New Year! 恭喜發財

    • AMWF Love says:

      Hi Tara, and 新年快樂 to you too!

      For the most part, Asian Males do not date White Females because they are like Asian Females. They are actually trying to get away from them – so when a White Female has all the mannerisms and appearances of an Asian Female, it usually makes the Asian Male feel uncomfortable. What I can tell you Tara is that Asian Males (including myself) date White Females because they are expressive, loving, caring, intelligent, and usually less materialistic. (There’s nothing wrong with curves either) Actually the materialism is a very big issue, and I’m sure you have experienced this in Mainland China. It almost gets to the point that Chinese females believe they are entitled to only date men who have a house, car, and high paying job. Love actually would rank below income, career, housing, and car.

      Now for the young Chinese adult, starting a career is a long painful process. Coupled with Chinese women his age that don’t even want to date him because of his socioeconomic status, you can understand how frustrated Chinese men are. What makes matters worse is the collectivist mentality. Individualism is not well received in China. Standing out can also get you incarcerated.

      When you speak of the “spark” or chemistry, it is actually difficult to experience that the first time meeting Asian men. This is more of a Cultural thing that anything. Instead of showing their passion and romance for you, it usually becomes an audition for their ability to provide as a future husband. Yes Asian Men can be old fashioned sometimes and always pay for dates before marriage. You could say it’s almost a thing of pride, if we don’t do that, how else do we show we can provide? Unfortunately, for them, they did not understand that White Females need more than the provision of basic and luxurious expenses covered, they need to be fufilled emotionally (and maybe spiritually) as well. This is very difficult for Asian Men because they have been trained that basic needs are important – and so is the family system. Love, defined by Confucius, is actually kind of muted. To this day we still carry those values set by him whether we realize it or not as Asians. It doesn’t matter what region or country you are from as an Asian, it is still apparent throughout Asia.

      Your knowledge of Asian culture only becomes a liability if you publically use it to educate Asians about their own culture. It’s kind of like you’re placing yourself on a higher level to them. Not only does that not show humility, it can be disrespectful and downright rude. However, showing your knowledge in Mandarin or Chinese culture is fine, but don’t show your prowess. Remember that really annoying person in your classes that always raised their hands to question or comment even the trivial? It’s kind of like that. Behind closed doors with a husband is fine, but out in public, there is almost a conservative feeling about it. Yes we can question authority in Western Culture, but when dealing with people from Asia (not born and raised here) it is rude.

      Asian men will not write you off at all. In fact, if you do show that you are attracted to Asian men, your problem will then become having to massively filter your choices. You will actually get an incredible amount of Asian men expressing interest in you. The unfortunate part, is for the most part it is almost always the same type – they are in love with you, want to marry you, and provide for you. Which is great, but it’s not everything you need as a White Female. You need to have your feelings reciprocated, to be loved, and cared for emotionally. Communication is an extremely huge factor – while silence is treasured in Asian culture, it can be perceived as rude. Actually you could say more like silence is being angry and you don’t want to talk. It is both our jobs as Asian Males and White Females to bridge the gap between this.

      年年有余
      – Brian

  4. Alex says:

    Thank u again Brian for your reply,
    This thing about Asians not talking about sexuallty I knew and thats what makes it frustrating.The only reason I asked in first place is because I dont really have this girly fascination for Asian men in form of freaking tv drama and cant really connect with other white girls about it.The asian fetish is simular to the white guys fetish and they get so much shit from pretty much everyone about it.The funny thing here is that this type of white guys are the only one I can talk to about this.And this do make u feel like this is some kind of special white club when u cant actually involve Asians in to it because of the taboo regarding this.What makes u feel bad about it is people suggesting that this goes back to colonial times and exploitation.Any way enough said about that now.Reading Taras post I have to say I as well have a problem with Asian men regarding my intrest in they cultur.The only thing is that my is the opposit of Taras.I dont really have any deep intresst in it because thats how I am as a person.Im intressted in many things but never in one for long.So when I tell Asian men that I want to learn Korean they automaticly assume Im intressted in Korean cultur.Since some of them get happy Im always affraid they are going to be disapointed when they realize my shallow intrest.The only real reason I would be intrested in reading deeper about Asia would be to become closer to my boyfriend but thats about it.What then happens usually would be that I have been avoiding guys who get really happy about me likeing certain Asian things because I automaticly assume Im going to be rejected from them any way when they realize the shallow intresst.And thats how I once ended up haveing a hot adopted Korean boyfriend instead 🙂 Nothing wrong with Asian men from Asia, its just that I assume they will reject me.Also I assume that western raised Asians for must part will reject me when they find out about the fetish thing.

    • AMWF Love says:

      No problem Alex.

      Actually that’s a misconception that all Asian guys will reject you. Before I get into that the difference between Asians direclty from Asia and the Westernized ones here in North America is that the ones over in Asia almost secrectly expect you to integrate into their culture. That means you have to learn their language and cultural traditions, and most likely give up your identity to become one of them. In this sense this is what I have mentioned early on in one of my articles as the Great Divide, meaning someone usually has to cross over. I’m not sure about the Asians in America, but in Canada I have not experienced many White-washed Asians. I have been told in the States they tend to be a lot closer to Caucasian culture.

      Anyways Alex you shouldn’t give up on Asian men entirely. To tell you the truth even I have been rejected (I’ll leave the number to be over one hundred times) many, many times by both Asian Females and White Females. You have to identify what type of Asian Male you want and then align your lifestyle to increase the chance to meet him.

      Don’t forget there are a handful of other countries that Asians come from. Aside from Korea, there’s China, Japan, Taiwan, Phillipines, Vietnam, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand – and special regions like Hong Kong, Macau, and Singapore.

      They key for Asians born and raised in North America is that they want to be loved as a person, and not for being Asian. If he doesn’t watch any Korean/Asian dramas or Anime, then it’s going to make him very uncomfortable if you show an obsession with it. I would say this is primarily because of the superficiality of it all. The storylines and themes are relatively basic, and the emotions are artifically induced – yet the actors and actresses are incredibly attractive often due to their surgical enhancements. Asian men attracted to White Females want to escape from this superficial nature and be with someone warm, expressive, and genuine. So don’t give up. 🙂

      – Brian

  5. Alex says:

    Ok when u saying white washed you are makeing them sound bad.I dont precive American asian as if they are giveing up they cultur and beeing white.It doesnt have to do with race really its most likely that they are used to the fact that there is so many other cultures around them and there is not just Asian ways.Although white I have my self have been raised in two diffrent cultures.You learn to question from early on and since in Europe there is a larger focus on cultur identity,wich means if u are Italian but raised in Sweden even though u are more Swedish u would still have problems passing on as a Swede because there are no such things as saying Im Italian Swede like u can say im Italian American.In school when teacher asked me in front of the class what do I feel like that I am when I said nothing, all the kids laughed.Now I have as a grown up lived in 5 diffrent countries and its the same every time.People just need u to have some sort of belonging to something and I noticed that specially when they love u they are so willing to say oh come on u are sooo Irish, u belong with us.Although Im touched I always feel like an outsider anyway because thats my identity I have noticed.I have to question everything and put my self outside the what ever circle I am at the moment.If I dont,I feel unconfortuable and wanting me to belong to a certain cultur just makes me feel false.So not to hurt peoples feelings I have to say yes Im must have been Irish in my previous life ha ha.In reallty I still feel like nothing Im just me and there is a frustation over it that people dont get that its not about giveing up your cultur, its more u are raised diffrently and u question and u are flexiable and chooseing one way isnt really a opition for u.So I will not say that Asian Americans are white washed,that just not fair to say.They probably are more open minded witch suits me perfectly 🙂

    • AMWF Love says:

      Sounds good.

      I wasn’t considering white-washing an offensive term. Actually I have a few Asian friends that call themselves that. Learning cultural identity or understanding society is a very difficult topic for Asians to understand. We are raised not to question authority. I’m sure there are ones who do question it, but they can get censored in Mainland China. In fact, I believe FaceBook, Twitter, and YouTube are all censored in China as well. Oh, even WordPress as well.

      Being Asian is both genetic phenotypic expression and our choices we make in our everyday lives. While I do maintain certain aspects and values of Asian Culture, I have much more affinity to the Caucasian or Western mentality. I don’t think I’d ever be able to fully re-integrate into Asian society. For the most part Asian women scoff at me. Perhaps I’m too difficult to be manipulated.

      However, the Asian Americans (and Canadians) do have an open mind. Speaking as an Asian Male, we don’t expect White Females to even be remotely attracted to us – so we don’t even dare to approach them. Of course there are exceptions. Think of the poor scrawny 5’5 Asian introverted geek. I’m sure he’d love a White Female, but he doesn’t muster up the courage to try.

      I also believe that Asians don’t have to become sex symbols to be attractive either. Yes it will probably make you appear more confident, and maybe perhaps a bit more suave – but beyond that it leads a life of superficiality. While it may be useful to reel in an alpha-female, that is not representative of the entire female population. There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness. Confidence is something you give to others, while cockiness is something you want to take. It’s very easy to get both mixed up.

      The key is just to recognize who you are, and what your preferences are. It makes things so much easier. 🙂

      – Brian

  6. Alex says:

    Ok still sounds bad according to me 🙂 I have to disagree there with confidence thing vs cockiness.First of all there is no such thing as you just beeing confident.Nobody is confident really.In fact you come close to confident only when u recognise the fact that there is no such thing.Instead u have to wake up everyday and choose what type of thoughts you are gonna have and then do your best.The trick is to find a way to eliminate the negative toughts as much as possible.Although I wouldnt be beating my self to bad if u cant get rid of them,since they are probably there as animal instict to protect u from danger.Then when things go your way with everything and u are to confortable,time to switch and start something that scares u.If u do this enough time in your life u will develope a system in your head that can quickly adopt to situations, bad or good.People will precive u as confident but in reallity u are scared as  hell of the next challange in life but somehow with age u know everything is gonna be alright because u have done this enough time already.Now cockiness is just insecure people who wants to be precived as confident but are for some reason to scared to be questioned and what u precive as them taking from u is just in fact them putting u down so u dont question them.When it comes to Asians and the looks because u keep bringing it up 🙂 I have to say that first of all looks are part of the people beein attracted to each other.Now u like everyone else assume that we White female are only attracted to Asian Tv look.Are u only attractive to Angelina Jolie type of women.Of course not so why would a women want u to look like Tv standard people.The same thing goes with this height thing u Asians are so obsessing about.Im 175 cm and have long legs witch is a fact I love about my self so I put on high heels that make me close to 190 cm,super tall but you should seem my legs.Do I now expect a guy, white or asian to be close to 2 m.Hell no,in fact I think there is something sexy with guys that are shorter then me.Now in my head when I approach a guy I kind of hopeing that he would noticed that I look like a photomodel now.Dont u think it is funny then if he then walks with toughts in his head that Im not intressted.I like men beeing diffrent from me,so in perfect world a short guys likes your tall legs and you like his short legs and u live happy ever after :)I was beeing a bit childish on the last part but you get what I mean.So guys stop limiting your self in your head it make it so hard to aproach u. 

  7. AMWF Love says:

    Fantastic reponse. You said it yourself, Asian men really need to step up. No risk results in no relationship for them.

    I have no gripes about how you view confidence and cockiness. Your views are very much valid, and I do respect that. In my opinon, the distinction between them is very fine – almost blurred. Actually I have experienced both in my mind confident people and cocky (arrogant) people. The cocky ones were the ones who used their abilities for self gain. It didn’t matter if it was for compliments, status, or just to lower the self-worth of others. In that sense, I called them takers because they “Take” energy from others. So yes I agree with you Alex in the sense that they can be perceived as insecure people secretly hiding behind a mask.

    I also know who I believe are confident people. What made them different is that they didn’t strive to be the best by knocking down their opposition. They were charismatic, communicative, and inspire others to become their best. As for their abilities, they were comfortable with who they are as a person and understand their own human limitations. When adversity stopped by, they were still cheerful as ever. They put themselves out on the line knowingly and willingly to be hurt, yet they still did it. It’s a shame that they have passed on already, but they definately left a lifelong legacy.

    I could never manage 15cm heels myself – I can barely manage anything more than 5cm myself (I used to dance). Despite my 178cm height, I am envious of the little 150cm girls who slaughter me in my Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga classes. 🙂

    I’m glad you appreciate the differences, and that’s what we’re trying to do at AMWF Love. Building awareness for interracial relationships. Once again, thanks for writing so much for us Alex. Always love hearing from you! ^_^.v

    – Brian

  8. Alex says:

    Ok I agree with u there but I think u have a bit romantic view of people there when u praise certain people.You said it your self that the line between cockiness och confidence is thin.But u can say that line between anything here in life is thin.Witch means that it can be easly crossed without you reliseing it.I think its dangerouse to look at certain people and praise them because curcumstances in life may make them cross the line to the other direction.I would rather say that the ones that didnt cross the line happen to be the lucky ones in life.Must likely they had great people around them. As for people who are the “takers” they are much needed in life for us. They are there for us to serve as a perfect example where our own line should be .I mean this in a humble way now and not in a mean way because I do want to belive that they too can change they ways and hopefully will.This is not ment in a religious way,I just think if we should be open when regarding crossing culturs and races,then we should be open of everything that comes with it.And that includes rasist negative people as well.We should be humble 🙂

    • AMWF Love says:

      Yes, it is important to have an optimistic view on people. I write for AMWF Love because I believe it is important to bring forward issues of interracial dating. Being Canadian born Chinese, I try to bring my views to others that may not see the same. What I am not doing is writing about a single formula for success, but allowing everyone to have a choice. Many external factors such as parents and cultural traditions do play a role in influencing a person’s identity, however it is also important that people are capable of improving themselves.

      I have been hurt and burned many times, yet I still pick myself back up. Those were crucial life lessons for me. Now I am at a point to realize that I know what I want, and I’m making it happen one step at a time. Nobody is perfect, and we should not be striving to be perfect, but human. As nice as it is to succeed, it’s more important to be able to forgive and insipire others to do the same.

      Regardless of ethnic origin, we still bleed the same color – we all deserve love, and we are capable of loving others. That being said, I’d rather much perfer being romantist over a hedonist.. 🙂

  9. Alex says:

    By the way Brian, couple of days ago when I was looking up what falls under Asian fetish I found this article.And its not so much the fetish parts he talks about that I find intressting,instead its how he has noticed that certain sort of people are drawn to Asians based on cultural diffrences.He refers to them as the third group.If you have time to read the article,can you tell me if there is a bit of a true there?
    http://www.colorq.org/articles/article.aspx?d=2005&x=deconstruct#traits

    • AMWF Love says:

      Thanks for the article, Alex.

      I have written a post because the comment actually managed to get too long to really make it worthwhile to reply.

      Dyn Moe writes on a more critical viewpoint on the Asian Fetish – to the point where non-Asians want to be with Asians because of their mysterious and exotic culture. The difficulties with these Asian + non-Asian parings is that culturally as Asians we usually have to take on a role of accepting issues even if we don’t agree with it. It’s kind of unhealthy for a relationship but it happens.

      A future article I will write is about the passive-agressive nature of Asian men. Since we tend to comply to hostility, we bank up our feelings and tend to unleash it when we can’t hold back anymore. That will be for another time. 🙂

      – Brian

  10. Xiaoheng says:

    Hi Laura and Brian,

    I like your blog and it gives me many good suggestion about the intercultural relationship between Asian Male and Western Female. Yes, i am one of them. I had a German girlfriend before. So i have been starting my blog about western female, intercultural relationship for quite a while. It would be a great time to have interaction with your blogs. Haha, you know what, i am still single because I am really waiting for my real love of a western female. I welcome you to visit my blog and feel free to give any comment. And I will come to your blog too. It is truely very interesting. Thank you for the great blog.

    Harrist from Guangzhou in China

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