Interpersonal Relationships – Using TCAI
February 9, 2011 2 Comments
Our favourite model is back again. When dealing with describing Asian Men, I find it most useful to make four distinct Archetypes of Asian Men. Like I have always said before, every Asian male has qualities from all four types, but there is usually one predominant over the other three. This time I will discuss the interpersonal relationships using the TCAI Model. This can be used when talking to Asian Men, as a White Female, or even any other person – regardless of relation.
This idea came apparent to me when I was imagining different types of people at the podium giving a public speech. I contemplated on what they would say, but what struck me was the underlying purpose of their speech.
The Technophile: To be greatly appreciated
When talking to a Technophile type, it is important to recognize his contributions and show your appreciation. Since the Technophile is usually a more introverted type, the ways of showing your gratitude can be a simple thanks. These people are technically savvy, with great knowledge and skill. However when it comes to the communication department, it is very difficult for them to fully express what or how they feel. Fortunately they can recognize the emotions of gratitude and appreciation. Their actions speak louder than their words.
Conversational elements will include: the latest news on electronics and technology, current events, new and upcoming cars, or exciting video games.
The Comedian: To be loved & adored
There is no better feeling to them than to be loved and adored by everyone around them. Comedians are the ones who can harness the power of humour to bring smiles to everyone’s faces. It comes almost natural to them. When observing a Comedian in conversation with others, they will be the one taking centre stage, feeding off the beaming smiles of their audience. Being around people is not a problem for the innately extroverted Comedian. Throughout and by the end of the interaction, the audience remembers how the Comedian made them laugh and brought out joyful memories.
Comedians prefer conversing about popular culture, fashion, sports, social events, card games, and board games. Honestly anything that creates an audience and is funny.
The Ambitious: To be respected & revered
Ambitious types love being respected and revered because they believe that it has been earned. Usually in high social or career positions, they sacrificed much of their youthful leisure to attain such high status. This is different from the Technophile and Comedian in a very slight subtle way. Technophiles places others on a higher position than them, while Comedians prefer the same level. For the Ambitious, they may see that everyone is subordinate to them. At worst it can be felt as bossy, but they really want to do their best. Given that they have a high position, they believe that they have an even greater responsibility to contribute.
For the Ambitious, they have a multitude of topics to talk about. Actually they can be fairly well versed in any topic, but they have a natural gravitation to elements that give elite social status. The purpose of the conversation is to be admired. You will stop and say, “Wow”. They draw similar elements of the Technophiles with the latest gadgets, but they are only focused on the best. They too enjoy the topics of the Comedians as well, but the underlying intention is not to make you smile, it’s for you to drop your jaw in awe of their presence.
The Individual: To be deeply moved
There’s quite a diverse variety of Individuals. They can range from the quirky types to ones who create the trend before it even begins. To them, it’s not about being appreciated, loved, or revered. Actually, it really is about understanding what they do and the great deal of work they put into it. If Individuals were to give a speech, it would be something so convincing and touching that you would be deeply moved by it. You would feel pathos, to respond so powerfully emotionally that you may reach an epiphany.
Individuals can also talk about anything for the most part, however what they truly enjoy are elements which pertain to our own humanity as a whole. They love design, form, or any ideas that express freedom. They really do not care if they are loved or hated; they just want to be understood. These are the types that believe they leave a piece of themselves in everything that they do. That’s what makes it real.
AMWF Love 
This is my first discovering of your site and I’ve read through several postings with great interest. Thank you for writing this blog! I am a WF and have grown increasingly curious about the whole topic of AMWF relationships over the past couple of years. I met an AM friend through a shared professional environment; he is Chinese, born and raised in America. We have developed a strong friendship but there is much I do not understand and it has been very hard to know how to interact most effectively with him. Your TCAI model helps…I can see him in both the Individual and Technophile. I get frustrated because I have mixed perceptions about his feelings for me. One day I think he sees me strictly as a business partner/colleague and the next day I think he is interested in me but will never tell me.
He is extremely smart, good looking, compassionate and I enjoy conversation with him very much. I have never known an asian male friend. He is not warm to me physically and by that I mean if he hugs me “hello” or “goodbye” it seems cold to me. I have to interpret that as no interest; I have no other way of understanding it? He seems to take an interest in what’s going on in my life but maybe it is just being polite? He is a polished person – dresses well – highly educated and strategic.
As you may be able to see, I’m frustrated. This week I’ve kind of set it all aside and am trying not to contact him and just give him space. I would love to not be attracted to him because I don’t think he returns the same feelings. I haven’t been able to give up the friendship because it has been so good it is not worth losing. I wait for my deeper feelings for him to pass. I welcome insight and I appreciate your blog…very helpful as I keep trying to understand this very different and special man.
Hi Tilley,
In regards to your relationship, he would view the friendship with you ask a risk/reward scenario. He probably is actually interested in you, but won’t dare to mention it, especially in a professional environment. This of course is assuming that he is single, and not seeing anyone else.
If he shows you respect and courtesy, that’s a good sign. Sometimes as an Asian guy, even I would almost want to wait for the perfect situation to admit my feelings. The truth is, there really is no perfect situation, and you just make it happen. It’s almost as if you created the environment for him so he could approach you without feeling threatened. No risk, no relationship. Since you have mentioned him being a more Technophile/Individual perhaps you should take interest into his hobbies or what he does when not working in the professional environment. Being warm and everything is usually reserved for serious relationships for most Asian men. This plays exception to the Comedian types, but for the most part reservations is a form of politeness.
Aside from the internal things from Asian men, there are other external factors – most importantly of all, family. His parents play an extremely strong role in shaping his life and dating preferences. With strong conservative parents, they would be extremely dissapointed if he brought home a White Female to introduce to his parents. It’s an uphill battle, but eventually they start to warm up to you. Sometimes it takes years for them to accept a White Female – but when they do, they are absolutely committed and supportive.
If you really want him, then don’t let him slip away – because in long run, nobody really cares who made the first move. Thanks for commenting, Tilley, I appreciate it very much. 🙂
– Brian