The AMWF Relationship as a Partnership

When it comes to choosing a lifelong partner, it is important to not only understand what you are personally looking for, but to also understand that relationships are partnerships. Especially in the AMWF relationship, there may be cultural differences that can test the strength of your relationship. So as you enter into, or choose to want to be part of this relationship, here are some things to consider.

Similar Intellect

If you are going to spend a great deal of time with someone, being able to talk to each other is very important. Assuming language is not an issue, things can get pretty boring if you aren’t able to hold a conversation about things that are important and provide you with intellectual stimulation. So if you can’t stimulate each other with dialog, then you will be missing an important part of connecting to each other. For example, if as an Asian man you are reserved, and rarely want to chat with your lady and spend quality time talking, than there is little chance of her feeling an emotional connection to you. Without this emotional connection you have little chance of keeping her happy. Similarly as a woman, if you are not interested in the way your Asian man thinks, believes, and feels, then you will be less likely to spend time connecting to him.

Complementing Strengths and Weaknesses

People say that opposites may attract, but if you’re too much the opposite you won’t stay together. For two people to truly click, they should balance each other out. For example, if you’re the type of girl that’s kind of shy, but your Asian guy is friendly, and outgoing, then you will benefit from his strength and lean to be more assertive yourself. If as an Asian man you speak another or several languages and she does not, she can work together with you to improve her skills and bond with you in the process. Ideally, the person you spend time with should bring out the very best in you, not enhance your more negative qualities.

Interests in Common

Although you may come from different cultures, couples that share a few of the same hobbies will be able to build a deeper friendship than those that don’t. In relationships friendship equals longevity.  For example, although you may have grown up in different countries, or parts of a country, you may share a common interests like the arts or sciences. Regardless of your locations in the world, if you and your mate share a passion for something, chances are it will make you appreciate the time you spend together.

Similar Intimacy and Sex Drive

Physical intimacy is a large part of a successful relationship, and its important to make sure each other is happy. For example, if as an Asian man you may have rarely saw your parents express any physical affection to each other, you may not consider how important things like holding hands, hugs, and kisses are in a relationship. Also if you always want sex and she never wants it, then as a man you will feel unsatisfied.  Couples that share the same level of desire for intimacy will argue less and be happier.

Have the Same Life Goals

To make it simple, if you don’t share the same aspirations for family, children, and home life, it will make things a constant push and pull over the most basic areas of living. For example let’s say you met your WF while she was studying in your home town in Asia, she wants to go back to her native country, but you want her to stay here with you. If you can’t agree on what lifestyle you want then you will always be working against each other rather than together. Couples should talk openly about their wishes for the future and never assume that just because you love someone they share the same perspective.

Sharing Similar Faiths

The couples that have faith together stay together. Even if your religion is no religion, you and your partner should both be on board with what you believe. As I have said before I have seen many couples who blend Buddhism and Christianity with very good results and raising children this way has been successful. Faith is a foundation for many relationships, and if one of you just goes through the motions while the other is devout, it’s likely to cause serious conflicts down the road.

Disagreements

As a couple you are sharing a great deal of time together, and at some point you are going to disagree. How you choose to argue however, will make all the difference in your relationship. For example, your Asian family/ parents expect you be visit frequently and your WF is not used to it. She expresses to you that she, although willing to go on special occasions, would like to have more time alone with you, and less time spending it under the watchful eyes of family. Although her feelings may conflict with the way you were raised and or what your family expects, it’s important that you both are respecting each other’s feeling and work toward a compromise. In this example the compromise may mean speaking to the parents and working out something that everyone is comfortable with. Couples that focus on the issue at hand and discuss things immediately and respectfully often work through issues better than those that resort to name calling and dragging out past events to win an argument.

Share a Sense of Humor

Laughing is the best medicine and the ability to laugh with each other goes a long way in your relationship. If one of you thinks something is hilarious while the other is offended, you won’t be sharing happiness together. For example, as WF if you’re learning mandarin with your Asian man and the pronunciation makes you feel self-conscious. But rather then feeling that way, you can laugh at yourself and laugh with each other while learning. Sharing a sense of humor also helps make the simple moments in life that much more enjoyable. You should be able to enjoy your partner’s company and laugh together sharing in that happiness.

9 Responses to The AMWF Relationship as a Partnership

  1. Sarah says:

    I almost agree with everything you said there. But in Ireland family is very important when I was growing up we met both sets of grandparents at least once a week. even my dad’s mom rings my mom almost everyday. So I think Irish people are good at relating to asian people’s family importance.

  2. Albert says:

    These are some very comprehensive tips as to what to look for in a successful relationship. Communication, intimacy, common interests, and complements of strengths/weaknesses are all very important. I would like to add that cultural awareness and integration is important as well, not only for the couple but their children as well. If interracial parents are able to embrace and practice each other’s culture, their children will be more likely to accept and appreciate their multiethnic background. Great article Laura!

  3. cheung3fung says:

    “Similar Intimacy and Sex Drive”
    I might be going off topic a bit…
    My question is about casual sex vs companionship.

    A while back, it was explained to me that sex is only part of the package that comes with the relationship, not the entire package and that women have alot more to offer that just simply sex. Men should seek companionship, not simply sex. Men who are all about sex are basically little boys.

    I just remembered a scene from the movie “Up in the air” with George Clooney, seems like that movie confirms this.

    • AMWF Love says:

      What you have to understand is that there has to be some certain level of physical attraction between a male and female. This phyiscal attraction can be thought of as a filter for eligible men. Who wants to have a serious relationship with a male who has poor hygiene and has strongly visible phyiscal defects?

      We are instinctively hardwired to know what is attractive to us. The only problem lies when we cannot develop ourselves beyond the physical components of a relationship. Then we are forever stuck as your “little boy” as you have explained. Things like emotional or spiritual connections take time, but they cannot be established if you never meet in the first place (hence the initial physical attraction).

      Companionship is possible, but this is something that will take time to develop a long lasting trusting relationship. The problem with casual relationships is that it never fully blossoms into something comparable to a longterm relationship. Laura describes many things that extends beyond just physical intimacy – like I said before it comes with time, and trust. While casual physical encounters may be the choice of some people, at the end of the day, they are still alone. It’s very saddening because that may be the only way they feel they can relate to people. Like Ryan Bingham (Clooney’s Character) when he finally thought he found someone he could connect with he realized he couldn’t be with her despite his willingness to throw all his prior values away.

      It’s up to you to decide what you truly want.

      - Brian

      • cheung3fung says:

        “Like Ryan Bingham (Clooney’s Character) when he finally thought he found someone he could connect with he realized he couldn’t be with her despite his willingness to throw all his prior values away.”
        —->Hey, you’re good with movie reviews :-), The funny part was when (Anna Kendrick’s character) was teaching (Clooney’s character) values. I could imagine that when I get old and some girl young enough to be my daughter teaching me the facts of life, I would be so humbled and humiliated.

        “The only problem lies when we cannot develop ourselves beyond the physical components of a relationship.”
        —->People like me need exposure to life changing events, I guess

        “Who wants to have a serious relationship with a male who has poor hygiene and has strongly visible phyiscal defects?”
        —-> Good point

        “We are instinctively hardwired to know what is attractive to us”
        —->Not so sure about this, things tend to change with exposure to outside

        “It’s up to you to decide what you truly want.”
        —–>I have some more soul searching to accomplish in life

  4. AMWF Love says:

    Yes sex is only one part of your relationship, but its not enough to hold things together for a long time. Its really all about compatibility between each other . I watched “Up in the air” and I found this also to be true, but it was a reminder that Love is much more then just sex, and opportunity… its about commitment, respect, values, goals, and morals.

    -Laura

  5. Alex says:

    Brian I don’t think he realized that he can’t be with her. He realized that he has not changed as he thought he was. And that is because he was still selecting the same type of life for him self when being attractive to her. Its the same when alcoholic get off they stuff and tell them selfs that they are not addicitve any more but start abusing sex instead without realizeing they are tradeing one addiction for another :)

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