Appreciate the Work He Does – Asian Males & Affection
May 12, 2011 4 Comments
Without prior experience, one of the most difficult things to understand is how Asian Males display their affection. Much of this has to do with our upbringing. Even for myself I would almost never see visual displays of affection between my parents. Dad would always share household chores and set aside weekend time to venture out into the city to shop with my mom. As for television, the Asian Television series never quite represented relationships the same way Western series do.
What I really remember about those Asian series growing up was the cute and awkward juxtaposition of a male and female liking each other. Physical touch would occur through some random coincidence such as the woman slipping and somehow miraculously positioned for a kiss. Now in real life, that’s probably not going to happen.
Showing Affection
The truth is that Asian Males tend to take an indirect route when it comes to showing affection. He will be attentive for conversations, and willing to provide for you. Honestly it really does come from our upbringing. To be a man in our Asian culture is not necessarily being macho-alpha-dominating, but being able to provide for his family. What you may not know as a White Female is how much power you really have over Asian Men. Basic requests such as going to your favourite restaurant can be easily fulfilled. Want to spend the night at home instead of partying? Say the word, and it’s done. In essence, if the female is happy, the Asian male is also happy.
Beyond the Basics
This is when the problems start to arise. Unfortunately for the most part, as Asian Males we are willing to take care of our romantic interest, but that’s all we can do. Physical contact may be minimal unless the female takes slight charge. The problem is that he is so focused on trying to make you happy, he forgets about himself taking action. While giving gifts shows that we are continually committed, there’s this emptiness that begins to grow overtime. The Asian Male responds to simple questions, but when asked for a viewpoint on a social issue, there’s a long pause, and then a shrug of the shoulders.
Silence is not Indifference
One of the most important things to understand is that the natural tendencies for an Asian male to not engage in debates or display affection on a more physical level often stems from his upbringing. He may simply not know enough of the situation to fully express his opinion, but it does not mean that he is indifferent. What makes it difficult is that his facial expressions and body language may be “neutral” or “relaxed” but on a Western perception it can be misinterpreted as “upset”. This can be remedied with strong levels of trust and communication. Make sure there your tone is free from hostility, and maybe place your hand on top of his – reassure him that you are here for him. Tell him how much you appreciate the things he does for you. Knowing that you are also loved and appreciated as an Asian Male is one of the greatest feelings.
AMWF Love 
For Asian men, the indirect route when it comes to showing affection happens quite a bit. I have found that he shows his love for you by being very attentive in your conversations, remembering details of your lives and experiences together, and is always willing to work hard and provide for you.
Even the most basic requests, yes like going to your favorite restaurant, always end up being my choice. Even my Asian guy friends ask me what ” I would like to do” and if I try and ask them what they want, they simply revert the decision back to me, making sure I am happy.
So although at times your Asian man may not seem to express his love (friendship or romantic) to you as a woman, don’t forget to take a look around at all the small things he does for you. He may not be able to always tell you his feeling in words, but he is showing you with his actions. So take the opportunity to tell him how much you appreciate the things he does for you.
– Laura
More! Elaborate more please!
Hey Vyara,
From an Asian Cultural perspective, many of our signs displaying affection is primarily on the provision of gifts to show our ability to provide as an Asian Male. In traditional households the husband earns the income and the wife decides how the money is allocated for the family. Of course there are your family owned and operated stores/restaurants, but family is the important aspect of it all. With enough exposure you will notice the common Asian families:
1. Outgoing wife, and very quiet husband. (most common)
2. Quiet husband and wife (usually for landed immigrants)
3. Very outgoing husband, quiet wife. (least common, but my parents are like this)
4. Both very outgoing (I’m not even sure I have ever witnessed this)
So this article was written with the scope of the “quiet” Asian Male. Often the more introverted Asians have a slightly different way to communicate, and communication is usually limited to the necessities. Small talk and gossip is not their channel of communication, but usually through their actions. This may be tough for someone to understand if they are outgoing and they expect the quiet Asian Male to think, feel, and respond the same way they are insinctively used to.
As a result you may encounter one of the most difficult things to deal with – silence. In Western cultures, this can often be perceived as frustration or retreating into an isolated bomb shelter when in fact there are many possibilities:
1. He’s at peace – neutral doesn’t mean upset, just mellow and calming.
2. Language Barrier – if an Asian language was his primary language
3. In agreement/accordance – also can mean approval
4. Filial Piety Respect – we are raised to not question authority such as our parents
5. Insufficient Evidence to Comment – tends not to have a strong enough viewpoint or should not comment (this can get you incarcerated or killed in some Asian countries)
6. Very focused – being involved mentally, we forget about our physical body language and facial expressions
There are probably other possibilities, but those six come to mind. I will have to write another article to elaborate for you.
– Brian
This is sooooo interesting like a gold mine, only yesterday I came across your articles and now I’m going to be addicted. I wish I found you sooner though, I’ve been seeing my guy since last July and most of the confusion is now over haha!
So what about when I say sweet things, usually if I say something cute it’s met with silence or a laugh. So when I say I miss him, I don’t hear anything back, but if I pay him a sweet compliment he usually becomes really bashful and laughs.. I wouldn’t change him for the world, I am happy the way he is, I’m just so curious to know how he feels… which I must admit, is becoming much more obvious with time..
But yes, write as many articles on how the AM shows his feelins heheh! There is a whole bunch of us that can’t get enough! 😀