Asian Men, Socioeconomic Status, and the English Language

Research has pointed to the fact that intermarriage is more common among those with a higher socioeconomic status and among those who are more educated (such as holding a college degree or higher). The advantage of a higher education often time means that there is an increased exposure or opportunity for exposure to individuals from other races/ethnicities. This exposure also means that the idea of marriage outside ones original culture is an acceptable one. Along with that acceptance is the key advantage of having the mastery of the English language. With the mastery the English language an Asian man can express himself well, feel competent in that given society, and understand and have greater cultural awareness.

Let’s take for example, Asian Americans who speak English fluently such as groups that have been in the U.S. for longer periods of time, like Japan or China. They are more likely to be better assimilated into the larger culture and are more likely to marry someone of a different race. Why? When language is not an obstacle, it makes it much easier to talk to the pretty girl you always see, or to relate to the greater culture around you. Without the proper language skills groups often segregate themselves, (as Asian cultures here in the U.S. still do) and that leaves little chance for men to have an advantage in the dating market. This is also true for men living in Asia that have a mastery of the English language. They also choose to meet white women and marry interracially, but due to factors such the low availability of white women in Asia, and long distance dating, it often makes things more difficult.

So for Asian men with higher/middle socioeconomic status and good education, it would naturally follow that he would be in a better position to travel, meet, socialize, date, and marry interracially if he so chooses. There are rare cases although were Asian men have come from lower socioeconomic status levels and still have mastered English, dated, and married white women. These cases are far less prevalent although.

Ability to Express Oneself:  I want to point out that the advantage is really an increased chance due to the fact that self expression is so important.  Even though a man may have the best intentions, if he can not express his feeling well, then it will make the process of meeting women and gaining trust all that much more difficult.

Language Proficiency: As long as there is a common language between two people, a common tool, then there should be little difficulty when it comes to communication. Often times we see white females that specifically learn a particular Asian language so that they can freely live, work, and, socialize with Asian men.

Travel/Cultural Awareness: It is an unfortunate truth that those who have more money have the advantage of being able to travel and to appreciate other cultures. That being said, those Asian men who are lucky enough to have the opportunity to travel west have the advantage in meeting white women. Those Asian men who live in North America or Europe already have the advantage and are usually not discouraged from being in interracial relationships.

Any thoughts?

25 Responses to Asian Men, Socioeconomic Status, and the English Language

  1. NYC_Girl says:

    I think this is partly true, at least in my case. My boyfriend was born and raised in Malaysia (he is Malaysian Chinese). He went to university in the US, then went right back to Malaysia until he went to graduate school in the UK (where we met) and in between has traveled all over the world. He speaks five languages fluently, obviously English being one of them. He is very knowledgeable of Western culture too, having spent a number of his formative years in the US. He is also quite self expressive. Plus, if he had not gone to grad school in the west, there was no way our paths would have ever crossed.
    The only obstacle we had really was his initial flat out assumption that I would never be interested because I am a white American female. So I would venture to add one more thing to the three items you posted in this blog: Belief that Western women would be and/or are interested.

  2. Brandon says:


    i think you hit the nail on the head with this one. language proficiency is extremely important when dating someone. i am not a big fan of generalizations and pigeonholing people but there is some definite truth to what you have written.

    i can only use myself as an example because i know my situation the best and can be as honest as possible without any speculation.

    now, i count myself as an extremely fortunate and blessed individual that has some things going for him physically. but this is all useless if i do not posses sufficient communication skills.

    i think that the ability to communicate effectively with a woman is a very large part of attraction and maintaining a relationship. women are much more emotionally driven in a relationship. whereas guys tend to be more visual and physical.

    if a man can articulate his emotions and feelings to a woman without being a total wimp, then the guy has a much better chance of meeting a woman and entering a relationship with her. are looks important to a woman too? i think so. my girl friend constantly tells me i am sexy and hot. and for her, i tell her that i love her, that she is beautiful, that she is everything. am i lying? absolutely not! what am i doing? i am confirming to her how i feel. this is what a lot of guys fail to do. they may do it in the beginning but will taper off as the relationship matures.

    now, let’s be ethnically focused. every (white) women i have dated have told me that they would never have talked to me let alone gone out with me if i had an accent, especially an asian accent. it wouldnt have mattered if i was tall and good looking. in fact, every (white) woman i have dated, tell me that i was always their first asian guy they have ever dated. they admit that they have never even considered asian men because they have find asian men to be too shy, having an accent they just cant handle and, well, no physical attraction.

    as for socioeconomic status, i will have to agree with that as well. i have noticed that white women, in general, would prefer to be with a man with high socioeconomic status. when i was single, sometimes when i was with my guy friends, i like to just be playful. we go out to some restaurant, cafe even a bar and just hang. in my earlier posts on a different thread, i mention that i never have trouble getting attention from women. well, if i am feeling silly, i will start acting a little jerkish. some women get a little turned off some think it’s refreshing. but, when i tell them what i do for a living, almost every one of them perk right up and i get even more attention. funny indeed.

    as with the context of my girlfriend. she is very open and honest with me that she would not be with me if i was some bum with a minimum wage job no matter how hot and sexy i was. does this bother me? absolutely not. why? because i wouldnt be with her if she was hot but was some gold digger.

    do we sound like shallow egotistical people? yep! to the outside world who judges externals, we would be considered a vapid power couple. but get us behind closed doors, where society ceases to judge us, by ourselves (which we like the best), we are basically insanely in love with one another. physically, emotionally and intellectually.

    so, back to the topic of the article: an asian male, in my experience, who has more western features (height and not too unattractive), little to no asian accent whom posses a high degrees with a strong socioeconomic status will have a much better chance at being in a relationship with a white woman, especially and attractive white woman.

    but, take it from me, looks arent everything but it sure does help with the ride!

  3. HKGuy says:

    Yo, it’s me again. Laura, having read this article half-way through, I was betting this is from you but not Brian. I am starting to get used to your tone, wordings too.. (Lol, I am not flirting here, but just would like to show how loyal I am to this blog!)

    Being a HK Guy who has never had the chance to study abroad, I think I am in a good position to talk about the aforementioned factors / quality about getting a white girlfriend.

    ..:: English language ::..

    This is more vital than important! 1 year ago when I started by AMWF journey, whilst i knew that speaking English is not a problem of me, but whether you can express yourself well, especially when it comes to bantering, is totally another story. Being a complete local here in HK, I do not know much about the western jokes, cultural things. I still remember the awkward, boring questions I was asking to the first white girl that I approached.

    Sense of humor is vital right? ANd we need to make girls laugh somehow to create the atmosphere that we are a fun, cool guy with attractive characters right? You can never do this if you can’t speak English well. And let us not forget the importance of fruitful facial expression is also part of the language! In general people think Chinese are shy and lack of facial expressions…..

    ..:: Socioeconomic Status ::..

    Also true especially in Hong Kong. Most white girls come to HK with a good compensation package (Expat type of package) I cannot deny that it helps a lot if you are highly educated, but again, it’s not a must! These white girls in HK tend to go to western areas in HK, which is normally bars and restaurants which are more expensive. So in order to meet them you have to spend a little, at least you need to buy yourself a drink right?

    ..:: NYC_Girl ::…

    I used to have this limiting belief that white girls are not interested in us. However, when I had my business trip in London, I saw few AMWF examples, then at that time, I told myself! “THIS IS POSSIBLE! OK, maybe in general the white guys are better than us, but hey, I am not the worst, I certainly do not think all white guys are better than me, so there is a chance!”


    I would also like to comment on the Asian accent. I do not think it’s a problem, I have dated two white girls here in Hong Kong, being their first Asian boyfriend, I do not think it’s bad to have an Asian accent, as long as you can express yourself well and speak the language fluently in a clear voice. (Hey, what about the French accent? People even said they are sexy? But do you know how hard is it to understand the French accent? No offense, but effective communication is the key, if you can communicate well, but the girls do not like you just because I dont have the american or british accent, that’s a bit superficial!)

    Last but not least, for those who are reading this post, especially those in Asia, we were not lucky to have the chance studying abroad, but we can improve!

    What I have done?
    – Keep going to the “western” area in your city to talk more to western people (Boys and girls)
    – Learn and equip yourself the confidence to talk to someone in English
    – Learn how to have better facial expression, different tones, pitches, hand movements, etc
    – watch US / UK TV shows to get a feeling of how western people talk to each other
    ** But dont change yourself like crazy, I mean, dont be white-washed! You dont have to get a British accent just for the sake of getting a British girl! Asian accent can be exotic! We all like refreshing and new stuff, so show the white girls how exotic and funny we Asian people can be!

    • AMWF Love says:

      Hey HKGuy,

      Great advice for those men who are seeking the AMWF relationship.Talking more to western people both men and women is a really great way to learn not only the language, but to develop confidence and the ability to express yourself well. Yes, do not try to be “white,” or “western”,or etc.. because as women who want Asian men, we love you the way you are ( and I know its the same for guys that like white women)!

      Having an accent is never really an issue other then the fact that it might make it a bit harder to understand you. But most women won’t shy away because of an accent, its because they are not sure how much English you understand and if the two of you can communicate well.


  4. NYC_Girl says:

    Well, my boyfriend has a heavy accent, (heck I couldn’t make out a word he said when we first met but I acclimated fast), he is 5’6″ (I am 5’4″), & doesn’t have “western features” but I think he’s very attractive. The accent or height is so not an issue. Also I get asked out all the time (so perhaps dare I say I fall into the “attractive” category or there about); for example as I was waiting for him one evening after work outside the theater in London, a very attractive headline actor/dancer/singer (he was the same guy in the theater’s show poster right behind him, ha) who was also from NYC chatted me up and asked me out. Although flattered, I didn’t hesitate to say no because I absolutely adore my boyfriend. Sorry Brandon I think I may have thrown a monkey wrench into your theory, lol.

  5. Brandon says:

    hi nyc_girl,

    i love hearing stories that are contrary to the norm. there will always be the isolated story that gives hope to the masses. i would much rather hear what you have to write than what is ‘normal’ out in the real world. reality is hard and very unforgiving.

    here is an example: i am 6’2″ with an athletic build. very lucky. very blessed with good genes. i cant count how times i have been asked if i play basketball. what? just because i am tall’ish makes me an automatic basketball player? not only can i not dribble a ball to save my life, i have a jump height of exactly 4 inches.

    so, while there are 6’2″ star basketball players like allen iverson and derek fisher. they are a rare breed indeed to be successful in pro basketball.

    i have yet to see a beautiful stunning (white) woman with an average looking asian guy. and i live in southern california (like nyc) where pretty to gorgeous girls abound. sure beautiful white women with average asian guys must exist but i have yet to see it. and i know a lot of people. a lot!

    every (white) girl i have dated said that there was no way they would even want to get to know me if i had an asian accent. it was just a huge turn off for every one of them. the girls i’ve dated also liked my height, athletic build and more western facial features (than the asian norm). every woman i know: friend and girlfriend loves my height. i do not know of one woman who voluntarily would truly want to be with a man the same height or just a little taller. every woman i ask if they could have their man (much) taller was met with a resounding, yes.

    when people, especially women, know a little more about me (ie my profession and education), then, it can get troublesome and uncomfortable at times. i dont know how many times i have had women literally consume me with their eyes. i have been pinched, groped, hugged much longer and closer than socially comfortable etc.

    example: i will tell you of an incident when i was still in grad school sitting beside a girl classmate who actually was a good friend (wasnt dating anyone and wasnt interested in dating anyone). i told her earlier that the very pretty (and exotic) girl sitting in front of me blatantly and aggressively flirts with me to the point of harassment. she goes ‘oh brother, how big is your ego?’ until, the girl turns around and looks into to my eyes with the ‘i want to F you now and F you hard’ look. my friend’s jaw just drops and utters a disbelieving ‘oh my god’.

    i have had to alter my facebook profile to take away my picture and change my real name. i still want my friends on my facebook page but because of this i get friend requests from girls of friends of a friend etc. well, let’s just say that my girl friend is never happy when a hot girl wants to ‘friend’ me. how is this even possible without my picture there? yeah. welcome to my life. believe me, it isnt fun as it seems to be.

    please note that i am being honest as possible. it is not meant to be boastful, conceited or arrogant. i think an open full blown ‘all in’ put everything on the table discussion with knowledge that we are here to learn from one another is the best way to grow and be a better person. for oneself and for society.

    • AMWF Love says:

      I’ll admit that having what society describes as ” good looks” is not always easy. In fact it often times makes things more difficult. Your story is a perfect example, as that women sounded like she was the stalker and obsessed type. For Asian men who have desirable physical features you may have the advantage of attracting girls, but you also have the disadvantage of the often difficult task of going through them to the find one that truly loves you for who you are as a person ( as well as your Asian features and culture).

      – Laura

      • Brandon says:


        you definitely have hit the nail on the head on this one.

        i am very cautious and distrustful of women. i have been stalked and it may sound exciting but it really puts an enormous amount of stress on ones life.

        it is actually rare for me to be in a relationship because it is nearly impossible to know if she wants to be with me, who i am as a person or what i am with what i have in society.

        i know that this may sound absolutely insane and narcissistic but my choices of who i can date is rather limited. i have the fortunate benefit of dating beautiful women. i have tried being with what society would consider average women but ran into so many problems that it just wasnt worth it. my average looking relationships always ended up disastrous because of insecurity, thinking that she wasnt good enough for me, pretty enough for me and was so paranoid that i was going to cheat on them or leave them for someone hotter. it was an ‘average’ girl that stalked me for years. not fun.

        so, my best relationship is the current relationship i am in. she is beautiful and successful. we have discussed why we are together. appearances aside, socioeconomic status and education. when you break it down fully, we found that we have an incredible amount of chemistry when we are together. what is chemistry? who knows what the exact properties are. two people know instantly if they ‘click’ or not.

        we also discussed that we know that we can be with almost anyone we want to be with. we choose to be with each other not because of how we look, etc. but because we are truly attracted to one another in so many aspects.

        thank you laura for writing this article. it rang true on so many levels for me and thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell my story a little.

        i hope that this helps some who are struggling with wanting to be in relationships that the grass isnt always greener on the other side.


    • stargirl says:

      Hello Brandon.

      Hey, maybe I’m just one of those weird, freakish, isolated incidents outside of reality, but I am a white woman who gets compliments all the time, like “You should be a model!” “Your hair is gorgeous!” “What do you do to work out?” “You should play basketball!” (5’10” 120 lbs, with over two feet of naturally wavy lovely auburn hair) so I feel I can safely put myself on the “more attractive” side of the pretty scale. Blessed with better genes, or whatever. That’s not to say I don’t have my physical flaws – everybody does, but enough about me.

      The important part here is that I have a wonderful boyfriend of the azn persuazn who is…five inches shorter than I am! (And quite handsome, in my opinion, with beautiful features and beautiful hair. A charming, honest gentleman, with whom I have amazing chemistry. I wouldn’t change a thing about him.)

      Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always found very tall men (being very tall myself,) to look like beanpoles. Or, if they aren’t skinny, simply like giants. I just don’t like it. Huge bears of men turn me off. I don’t think it’s any kind of weird Freud thing, either, because I have a great relationship with my father, and he’s like 6’3″. I just don’t like tall men. They don’t look properly proportioned to me, or something.

      At first, I felt a little conspicuous dating men who were shorter than me. Silly, even, embarrassed. (Current man is not the first!) After a few years, though, I started to a) not care, and b) notice more and more “odd couples.”

      Maybe it’s just because I’m more *programmed* to notice all of the couples who have an unorthodox height pairing, because I’m in such a relationship myself, but trust me, they’re out there. Hell, maybe it’s because I’m on the east coast or something, and taller women with shorter men are more common here.

      So try not to be offended, but if I knew you, I probably wouldn’t be fawning over your athletic build and height! *laugh*


      In any case, I’d like to just encourage Asian guys to flirt with white girls who are taller than they are, if they think they are man enough to handle it. It doesn’t hurt to try and you never know when one of us freaks will turn up! ;]


      Also — this is unrelated to the rest of my comment, but I think almost any accent is attractive, EXCEPT FOR English accents. I’ll make exceptions for friends who happen to be from across the pond, but I just can’t tolerate an English accent. French accents are also pretty annoying. Again, maybe I’m just some kind of a freak of nature over here, but I’ve had friends confide in me that they feel the same way — English accents are way overrated. As long as the whatever-kind-of-Asian accent isn’t so thick that I can’t understand what a person is saying, I couldn’t give a rip whether a man had one or not. If anything, it can add character.

  6. Aurora says:

    I came to America when I was eight and a half years of age, and although people see me as an American, and sometimes call me American, I never saw myself that way. When it comes to Asian men, irony of ironies is that I think I prefer non-Americanized Asian men, or at least when it came to my Asian exs, well two were from Korea and China, (international students,) while only one was Korean-American or 1.5 Generation. (Guy was a liar so I don’t trust him to be honest but he did speak with an accent.) I’m 5″3 and although I did have crushes on one guy shorter than I, most of the guys I was with are either my height or are pretty tall.

  7. Brandon says:

    hi stargirl,

    thank you for sharing your experience and story.

    here is an article about women preferring taller women from eharmony whose business is match making.

    yes, i do love hearing unique stories about tall women with short men, beautiful women with average men, white women with asian men etc. short list, i know.

    my personal observation of the three above mentioned scenarios, the rarest relationship is an asian male with a white women. and the rarest of the rare is a beautiful white woman with an asian male (regardless of appearance). just havent personally seen it in my very large circle of friends/acquaintances and in public.

    that is why your responses are rather refreshing. it is proof that this exist. they are just not as common. in my world, anyway.

    as for accents. i have already mentioned that every (white) girl i have dated said they find asian accents unattractive. are there going to be women who dont find asian accents annoying? of course. just as i find british accents attractive. kate beckinsale is an actress i find very attractive partly due to her british accent.

    so, yes, asian men should flirt. not just with white women but women in general. most of my asian guy friends are very shy and socially awkward. how do i know this? because i was and still am to a little degree.

    dont worry stargirl. i am not disappointed at all when girl/girls are not attracted to me. actually, i was hoping that as i got older, women would be less attracted to me but has yet to happen.

    another funny (and uncomfortable) incident that just happened to me last night. i was at a formal dinner last night. amazing wine pairing with the meal etc. sitting at the same table was my friends wife (very attractive very wealthy). we were all chit chatting about whatever and she noticed that i was wearing boots. all of a sudden, she blurbs out for the entire table to hear ‘i would love to see you in those boots with nothing else on’. uncomfortable. yes, it may be the wine influencing what she said but it doesnt make it any less comfortable especially with her husband sitting right next to me. yeah. welcome to my life. thank god my girlfriend wasnt sitting there with me. she would have leaned over and beaten the tar out of her.

    • stargirl says:

      Wow. That’s actually hilarious. And awkward. You should definitely collect all of your stories like that and put them in a blog — people would probably read it!

      Sorry for being off topic.

  8. Drew says:

    Interesting! Just remember you’ll win some and lose some, and if you don’t play you’ll never lose but more importantly never WIN!

    Btw: what is your profession Brandon?

  9. amquest4love says:

    @Brandon, I am just curious how you look like because you made it sound like lots of girls want to sleep with you just by your look. Me on the other hand, despite being 6’1″, 210 lbs, 30 y.o. (I am overweight now but I was in my high school basketball team) and able to attract my fellow Asians, I don’t think white girls like my physical appearance. I am a system analyst, always dress professionally, but it didn’t matter because I never had the chance to talk about anything. I do admit I kinda on the quiet side with strangers, but I can be all chatty once I know the person.

    Another thing, does religion matter? I wonder if all white girls who are interested in Asians are actually attracted to Asian religions as well? I am a Christian since I was a kid and I thought it’ll be easier for me to date white girls because of it. Not so sure about that now ….

    • AMWF Love says:

      I don’t think religion really matters unless you are the type of person who is insistent about being part of a particular religion. I know many people that blend Buddhism and Christian Religions together with great success. In fact I blend the Roman Catholic Religion with Buddhism.. I actually prefer it that way, rather then one over the other.


      • amquest4love says:

        Thanks for your reply Laura. I guess I wanted to know, statistically speaking, do liberals or conservatives that tend to be attracted with people outside their races, ie Asians. I guess majority of Asians, they tend to be more spiritual than westerners. I am like that and I happen to be a Christian.

  10. Brandon says:

    hi amquest,

    i am going to be as honest as possible. i may sound like a total egomaniac but that is not my intention. okay?

    i personally do not have any idea why white women are more attracted to me more than asian women are. there are so many factors, i think, besides physical attraction and occupation that makes women naturally attractive to men, or asian men in this discussion.

    the biggest complaint seemingly coming from white women (on this board as well) is an asian man’s lack of confidence when it comes to meeting and talking with girls, especially white women.

    from what i read from asian men here for the most part is that they would love to be with a white women but have them behave culturally like an asian woman. how do i know this? i have done it before as well as my friends. when i was a lot younger, i hated taking my white girlfriends to meet my parents because of the culture differences. note: if you are wanting to date white women and expect them to behave asian, you should be dating asian women. you cant have it both ways. been there, tried that.

    as for my physical attractiveness, i have never really considered myself overly attractive. i have been told that my height, natural athletic frame and not so hard on the eyes face is a part of my magnetism. so if other people find me appealing. more power to them.
    now, i have modeled in my younger years. the pay was great if and when you got work. which was rare. at the time, i was told by my agent that i was a tough model to get work for as ethnic looks werent really popular as they are today. plus, i was a little too tall from the 6′ max ideal.

    i know that i am very blessed with my physical attributes. and, i am very blessed with enough intelligence to be a white collar professional. what it is, i prefer not to say except i not to say.

    98% of the people in my life encompass fellow professionals. are they my friends? 98% of them are just acquaintances at best. i have very few friends. my college buddies are my best friends as i get to be myself totally. well, i am lying. i am myself regardless of whom i am with…just a little more guarded with those who dont know me that well.

    so, what else could make me attractive to women, especially white women?

    looks, profession and sense of humor.

    if a guy is funny without being a clown, you are light years ahead. humor brings down all sorts of barriers. i use jokes to lighten the mood all the times. it is not meant to meet women. it is just that people are always so wound up. a little humor helps them unwind.

    i have also been told that when i walk into a room, any room, store, restaurant etc. i naturally command attention. how do i do this? i dont know. i am effortlessly charismatic and charming. so much, that you will never know i am doing it. heck, i dont even know i am doing it.

    again, not bragging. i have turned so many heads for prolonged stares (guy and girls) that my assistant calls me a ‘home wrecker’ because of the arguments that always comes after. sometimes i notice but most of the times i dont.

    so what is all this babble boil down to?

    Be Confident. Be Yourself. Be Outgoing.

    you will be amazed how well this works at meeting women.

    • amquest4love says:

      Thanks man. I didn’t mean to be sarcastic but I was really curious :). I was thinking someone like Keanu Reeves perhaps.
      But yeah, I agree with you on that note, that you can’t ask for a white girl that behaves like Asian girl. I guess I just didn’t have the luxury to really understand the culture here as I moved here(PA) when I was 18 y.o. and never attended 4 yrs college here. To a certain degree, I am still maintaining my old values, but at the same time I am trying to learn new ways in life.
      Thanks for the advice!

      • Brandon says:

        hey amquest!

        np. no offense taken whatsoever! we are all here to learn from one another and grow.

        again, i cant put one single attribute on who i am that makes (white) women be more attracted to me. again, it is mutli-factorial and most likely very complex.

        the media places so much emphasis on looks. yes. looks will spark the initial attraction and interest. but looks will only get you so far. one also needs personality, charisma and bravado. put in a dash of substance and integrity and you have the makings of a nearly irresistible guy. i am very blessed to be gifted with ‘attractive’ genes but one also needs panache to be noticed. come to think of it, i used to boastfully tell every girl, except my present girlfriend, that i am irresistible. at first, they are annoyed by my seeming arrogance but later on, they admit that it is true.

        you dont have to lose your asian heritage because it is what makes you: you!!!

        dont be anyone but yourself. you will be much happier meeting the right woman who loves you for who are. rather than you trying to be someone you want to be but will never be because it will be forced and unnatural.

        there is no need to rush in finding the ‘perfect’ person. this takes time, mostly because it is you finding out what you truly want in a person and the realities that come with it.

        like i said in a previous thread. i dont date ‘white’ women. i date women. most of them happen to be white. most of them happen to be very good looking. that’s called life. and as my girlfriend said ‘life isnt fair, get used to it’. she is a little more direct than me. hard to believe, huh?

  11. HKGuy says:

    Wow stargirl!! Thanks for the courage. I am one of those Asians who prefer the tall girls. I have to agree that it takes more courage to go up and talk to the taller ones. But hey, you lost 100% of the shot that you never triggered!

    By the way, can someone suggest me where can I meet more white women in Hong Kong? I hate going to bars and clubs all the time to approach them, but well, that’s Hong Kong, those expats just go to those places, they just like to hang out in those “western” places in HK. While I am not saying that you cannot meet someone good in bars, but is there any other better/ natural way to approach the white woman? Like if I opened up a conversation with you on the street, or in the supermarket, how do you feel about that?

    I think the problem for me in HK is not about Socioeconomic status, English or lack of confidence, it’s all about there are so little white women staying here for long… they just come and go….

    Appreciate all kind of comments!

  12. NYC_Girl says:


    Your story reminds of a few of my friends and acquaintances here, who are models & actresses in NYC and are drop dead gorgeous, very intelligent, caring and down to earth women. Looking at them you’d assume they had a charmed life, especially since they are such lovely people in general; some do and some don’t. Some have had their fair share of problems too where they have felt their beauty was a curse more often than not. Like Laura mentioned, I see firsthand through them how having ‘media sanctioned’ good looks isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be in today’s society. Although they have plenty of men to choose from, and lots of other perks, they find it very difficult to find someone of quality who they feel really loves them, they click with, will commit long term and feel adequately secure around them. Also people (men to be exact) tend to really cross the line with them too, invading their space in a very uncomfortable manner or randomly propositioning them. And for women, this isn’t annoying, it’s downright scary and threatening!
    You are very fortunate to have found such a wonderful and all around beautiful girlfriend. Some of these women haven’t been able to find their equivalent of such a relationship yet, and they’ve been looking for a decade or two.

    As for the East Coast, I have a distinct feeling it’s not quite as shallow overall here as southern Cali (though NYC does have its moments), based on your tales of the West Coast. Although, in general most couples tend to be pretty even looks-wise with each other, and well, everyone has their own definition of good-looking, I have seen in NYC on one or two occasions, AMWF couples where the female was leagues above the guy in looks, generally speaking. Well, at least the difference was enough where it made me do a double take. Also, I always get a kick out of this Anthony Bourdain Harbin episode, (b/c a hungover Anthony Bourdain is just hilarious), where the one Chinese guy from Harbin ( the one in the cowboy hat) had a really tall trophy Russian girlfriend:

    Not to mention one of the married AMWF married couples in my circle of friends, where the wife is, in my opinion, gorgeous both inside and out, tall (~5’8″), with a Jessica Alba type physique, and a talented film maker and writer. Her husband has often commented, in a very sweet way, how he couldn’t believe he got a girl so out of his league. She feels very lucky and thrilled to be with him.

    Also, I think there are just a lot of nutty people out there, everywhere. My guy friend, who is Asian, wouldn’t call himself a model, or even good looking,(his words), and is so not the flirting type, has had at least a couple of wacky instances with women. For example, when he was younger, one woman on a business trip asked him to help carry a box of files up to her hotel room, and since he is a gentleman he obliged. When he put down the box, and turned around to leave, she then proceeded to lock the door behind her and threw herself at him, even though he thought he made it very clear he was not interested. It was very, very awkward, especially considering this was a work colleague from another office that he had only just met the day before. When he tried to politely turn her down, she started crying. It really freaked him out. I guess lucky for him, ha, these things happen very rarely, but I doubt there is any guarantee of escape from these sort of experiences.

    • amquest4love says:

      @NYC_Girl, that’s exactly what I was thinking from Brandon’s comments. It felt that SoCal women are more superficial (no offense Brandon.) But I am sure there are nice women there too, just like here in East Coast. I just haven’t found them yet … 🙂

      @Brandon, you’re more experienced than me indeed. I am still trying to figure out what I actually want! I do thankful to God for the opportunity to live and see the world before deciding it. It really gives a bigger perspective in life, to be able to live in two different countries. I guess what I was trying to say before was I was not trying to be someone that I was not, but rather I was trying to get what I think good virtues from both cultures and blend them into one “perfect” culture without the bad virtues. Next phase, world domination 😉

  13. Brandon says:


    you definitely have a lot of insight and know people very well.

    some of the loneliest people i know are the most beautiful people i know. the world judges the outside while ignoring the inside because it isnt visible. but behind that beautiful face and underneath that striking body, i a human being that just wants to be genuinely loved for who they are. my girlfriend said to me ‘i have been looking and waiting for you all my life’. what you said about girls not being able to find that right person rang so true. i also feel the same about her. it really hit home with what you said.

    yes, you are right that there are a lot of perks when it comes to being viewed as ‘attractive’. there arent nearly as many for guys as there are for women. it is natural for a guy to buy a drink for a woman. i see it all the time. but for a woman to buy a man a drink? well, it does happen to me on a regular basis. but i know from my friends that it has never happened to them.

    and yes, i agree with you that one tends to see balanced couples out in the real world. that is why i comment that one should avoid playing out of their league. it tends to cause nothing but disappointment and reluctance.


    i think you may be right about the snootiness of west coast california girls. my east coast friends complain that the girls out here, for the most part, are definitely more shallow and superficial. while only having visited the east coast, i can only comment that nyc was a very busy place that seems to draw the impatience and indifference out of people more so than the west coast.

    great rapport with one another yall!


  14. Jeff says:

    Just a view from Britain… I have no issues conversing with women and being quite popular with them ONCE THEY GET TO KNOW ME – capitalised because it is only when they talk to me that they begin to respect me. More often than not I am subjected to the same racial abuse that asians with no grasp of the English language suffer from – furthermore, I can’t help but feel (because it is true) that in general, asians are “open season” as far as respect to racial sensitivities are concerned – blacks and arabs in the media, wider society and government tend to be tiptoed around (which again is not perfect), but it is us who suffer with no repercussions for the offender. It is this kind of atmosphere that is prevalent here, and I feel the biggest obstacle for preventing such relationships from taking place.

    Having said that, once I am through that (very difficult and uncomfortable) barrier with each new person I meet, it’s great. But it is still not right, that all other minorities do not have to go through that strong feeling of repulsion created by ingrained attitudes, friends, TV etc… whilst it damages our own relationships, or even prevents them from starting.

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