When You Live in Asia, WF’s are Hard to Find
July 11, 2011 13 Comments
So you love the way she looks, with her very distinct facial features like big, deep eyes, and straight nose. Of course you enjoy the curves, and the direct manner in which she tells you how she feels and what she wants. You are excited by the fact that she has a strong sense of personal character, independence, and her focus is rarely on the amount of money you make. The cultural differences are very exotic and it seems like all the things you would want. But there is one problem, you live in Asia and white women are hard to come across.
If you are like the many men in this position, you often find that most of the WFs just come and go. They may stay in your country for few months only and leave soon after. The younger group of WFs (in their 20’s) when in Asia often stay in the very western areas, and are often only found at bars and clubs(which to be honest is not the best place to meet anyone). Any thoughts you may have about trying to form a serious relationship seem almost not worth the effort because of the inevitability of such factors like long distance relationships or parents disapproval. You may also meet some opposition from your friends. When you tell them you are interested in dating and marring WFs, they might think you are crazy. They may wonder why you just don’t just go after an Asian girl, as mom could set you up with the pretty daughter of her best friend making the process so much easier.
I’m sure you think, yeah there will always be guys who will be like that, friends who will just want to marry Asian, and that’s ok for them but not for me. But it’s so frustrating because even if I meet the often hard to find WFs living in Asia most of the time some other man had the same interest in western women and culture as you, and has already made his move. Grrrrrrr…. So what can I do? You do have options and here they are:
Have a Positive Mindset
It takes a more independent minded and strong man to want to meet someone who is different, to see past the differences into something that could be so much better than just accepting what parents want, or social pressures. So it’s important that you always keep a positive attitude even when at times things can seem hopeless. Keep things in perspective and be confident in yourself. You want to meet someone your attracted too, not just any WF. Someone you truly have things in common with such as values, morals, and family. Don’t be discouraged if your meeting WF’s but nothing is working out. It takes time to find that special someone, so don’t give up!
Consider a Change in Location
If you are interested in western culture then you might want to consider studying, working, or trying out a cultural exchange program. This will allow you to meet, live, and be around western cultures. You will have the opportunity to improve your English/communication skills, and ultimately have the advantage when meeting WFs and socializing with them. Unfortunately as a women, most usually don’t consider or feel safe just moving to another country alone even if we have an interest in Asian culture and men,( although some women do) so the task often falls on you to take the indicative to make your way to the west.
Make Friends (from all over the world)
Never underestimate how important friendships are. Friends will provide you with not only support, but the more western friends you have the more your chances are increased of meeting a WFs. You want to meet someone naturally, and for a women one of the ways we can trust you right away is if you already know someone we trust. This trust will put you miles ahead of the guy that approaches her out of the blue. Just make sure you express your interest right away.If you are not able to live for an extended period of time in the west, the internet is the next best option to establish and keep in touch with friends. Opportunities often appear when you least expect them!
Meeting her is really the first step, and all the other cultural and social thing will work out. Meeting her often seems to be the hardest part but don’t give up. Sure, it’s going to be odd when you want something outside the norm, but it’s always worth the effort. You never know where or when an opportunity will appear, so get out there!
AMWF Love 
I would also add that don’t let the WF know that you are especially looking for a Western girl. It can give her a feeling that any WF will do. We girls want to feel special and know that you are going to date and marry the girl you love. No matter is she a WF or not. Atleast I would have been dissapointed if the first thing my boyfriend said to me would have been “I’m looking for a Western girlfriend.”
Then I would like to give courage to all of you Asian Males. Believe in youself! My Chinese boyfriend was the one who made the first step to approach me and it worked very well.
This is a great post. As a Caucasian woman who’s spent time in China in my single days, I would suggest hanging out at a university to meet western women. That’s where the open-minded ones usually are, either as students or teachers. Also, many western women who study or teach in China care enough to learn Mandarin, which is an added bonus.
To Sara: it’s true, I can’t agree more with what you have said. WF do not want to have a feeling that you like her just because she is a Caucasian! I have to stick this into my mind
To Susan: Thanks for the courage! But I think HK is a bit worse than China as we may not be “Chinese” enough….
To Laura:
Haha Laura, when I read this, I thought this is an article tailor made for me 🙂
What you were saying are all soooo true especially about the difficulties AM would normally encountered in Asia. There were moments when I really want to give up my pursuit, though it’s so hard to resist the temptation as I am just so attracted to some of the characters WF possess.
I remember I was so upset just to go up to bars/clubs as these are the only places to meet them, not to mention the social pressure from my peers due to my “special” interest.
Anywaym I will be more positive (at least try to be) and believe that I have all the good qualities to attract the WF, while you guys may not know me, but I do think I have a lot to offer, therefore I should always look on the bright side.
Having western friends do help a lot. I have a much bigger group of western friends now, even though they come and go, but they could then introduce me to their friends and this will just increase my chances in an indirect way. Added to the above is that most western woman may still have some negative stereotypes about Asian man, but when they see you with a group of western friends, they will probably think you are somehow a bit special!
I have made my decision to leave HongKong and study/work abroad because I am just more interested in western culture. I am trying to bring the best of both worlds (Chinese and Western). I will just go for it even though it’s just a big risk for me to leave my job and hometown, but I would rather at least try but not regret later in my life…..
I agree with the title of the post. As an Asian American (Vietnamese) who has lived in a mostly Caucasian environment, if I were trying to find an Asian wife, it would be very difficult. I have only seen two Asian who are my peers during my entire time in the military.
All I have to say for the guys would be… do not be so clannish and explore what is outside the Asian community. My college fiends’ girlfriends taught me how to Texas two-step, polka, square dance, and many other things that I would not have experienced had I not been willing to try. I still love to two-step.
Because where I was stationed in the miltary, outside of my family, I never saw an Asian except in restaurants. I have always dated Caucasians and that was just the way it was. I dated who were around me. My first wife is Caucasian and after thirteen years and multiple deployments, it was too much for the two of us.
After the divorce, my mind and body completely shut down and I just kept to myself for a long long long time. I crawled out from under my rock one day, jumped on the Harley to meet some friends for a ride and there she was! She was wearing a purple jacket and riding the loudest Yamaha I ever heard. We talked a great deal every time we met and we started dating six months later. A year and a half later, we are married.
I have also read the other articles you posted. Yes, the perceptions still exist, but fortunately for me, I hardly ever see it. The only thing I ever see is when people see us walking down the street and I would notice the stares, “what does she sees in that Asian?” My wife does not care and do I. None of my Caucasian friends ever questioned my significant other. Great friends, indeed!
I am living in S Korea right now with my husband and it has been very interesting how men respond to me. I had heard that white women in Asia.cant get a date easily but since Ive been here I have found.that not True.for me. I always have men ogling me even if they are with a girl they will flat out stare at me, I have a hard time walking by myself or even going anywhere solo because men hit on me aggressively, and I even had one man stalk me a week ago….its scary a.little at the amount of male attention I get and its more uncomfortable then flattering . I have many men telling me how pretty I am and.even had one man offer me money to sit with him….but I often feel like its because Im like some kind.of shiney gem that stands out and the only reason they are interested is because Im like a fancy bag or designer shoes, and also I think many asian men want to know what sex is like with a white girl and then be.the.”cool” guy who did in his group of pals….because they r men first and asian second.
Living.in Korea and being a.young white girl is actually rather uncomfortable because.you stand out so much and the men are aggressive. At least in my personal experience they have been.
Not trying to rag on you guys (or what your trying to do here)
I’m an Asian male myself and have dated both Asian and Caucasian women, but never at any point did I look at race as a defining feature of my relationships
I’ve been on both ends of the race stick, girls who wouldn’t go out with me because I was Asian and girls who went out with me specifically because I was (and they were both as bad)
I don’t want to be excluded because of my race but I don’t want to be a fetish either
Isn’t it about just finding another quality human being, Asian, White, Black, Hispanic (even male or female) shouldn’t we be looking for a decent person and forgetting about the labels
I mean, a good person is a good person regardless of eye shape or skin colour, right?
That is correct, Marc. The majority of our posts on AMWF Love can be applicable to individuals beyond the AMWF Relationship. It must be noted that Laura and I bring our perspectives as a White Female and an Asian Male. Obviously it would not be credible if we spoke from a Hispanic or Black viewpoint. I’m sure you would understand that.
Unfortunately appearances usually is our primary sense when it comes to relationships. Even before we learn about them, looks often has a strong first impression. This is rather unfortunate, but also what happens in reality. Our job at AMWF Love is to bring forward issues regarding AMWF Relationships with focus on the social, emotional, and cultural aspects. Appearances can never be completely disregarded, but a complete long term and loving relationship takes more than just that. 🙂
– Brian
katelovekj,
you couldnt have said it more clearly for me.
i dont date women based on race. i am with the woman i am with because of who she is not what she is.
it would be a huge insult to any guy or girl if the other persons desire or intention to be with you purely because you are white, asian etc. that is why i think this website is interesting. it focuses solely on asian men seeking a girl specifically for their race, in this case: white. i still consider this to be a fixation or fetish.
i remember my dad showing me a picture from a hong kong magazine with some asian guy sitting at a restaurant being hand fed by a white girl and getting a shoulder massage from a blonde girl. he said that this guy is living large. i asked why. he said because he had two white girls taking care of him. i was already an adult when he showed me the picture. in addition, he has always mentioned that he wanted me to only date chinese girls.
so, perhaps also, that asian men see white women as a status symbol as well. like you said ‘a shiny gem’. on this aspect, i dont know.
i never considered it a big deal when it came to women’s race on dating. if there is attraction, then that’s a start. if you want to specifically want to date only a certain race, aside from me reiterating that i think it is strange, your choices are definitely narrowed.
so! finally to my point on why i responded to this thread.
my question is: where is the fifth element of love if an asian man seeks a female solely based on her being white? yes, there are men that actively seek out only blondes, tall, fat, amputees etc. but doesnt one see this list as nothing but a fetish? if a man, any man, seeks out a woman first solely based on her race, then to me, it is no different than a fetish.
and yes, there are going to be very few white women in asia. just like asians (all asians) make up only 5% of the US population.
i did a quick google search and there are clubs or organizations for the short list i mentioned. in fact, there is even a blondes only club. if a guy is so focused only being with a white woman, then i am sure that one could locate one of these clubs/organizations and just hang out until something happens. heck, why wait? just start your own asian men white women club. you never know what might work. look at the george foreman grill. who knew how successful that would have been.
Hi, I used to ask myself if this is a “fetish” in the beginning when I start having a feeling that I am more attracted to those WF.
I remember even when I was a kid, am attracted to those WF girls on magazine, and all my friends thought I was a bit strange.
Anyway, I will say while exclusively dating certain races is a bit superficial, however, I will regard it as something like you are attracted to certain type of woman, for example, some prefer those who are taller with long legs, some prefer the smaller one with a cute face. I think there is nothing wrong about that. I think it helps to build the initial attraction if the girl that you are seeing matches the type of girl you have been looking for because you are more naturally attracted to her. Can it be as simple as that?
Or some prefer a darker skin as they think it’s hot, it’s like a question of why do you like yellow but not green, why blue but not red. Another extreme example is that some girls will never date guy that are shorter than her, but you would not regard it as a fetish of tall man right? I think it’s just a personal preference.
However, if you purely like someone just because of her races, and completely ignore her inner beauty, then that’s not a good idea.
That’s my two cents.
You’re definitely a rarity amongst HK men, because most HK guys I know of are not really fond of WF and don’t have positive things to say about them.
Yes maybe, I have so far never met a friend who likes WF, excluding those ABC, CBC of course. But so what?
Like what I said, it’s personal preference, I still remember the joy when those WFs told me that I am the first Asian who approached them, High 5!
hi hkguy,
yes, i agree with you on that attraction is usually based on initial physical attraction. and yes, every person on this earth has different physical attributes.
i have dated females that range in height from 5’1″ to 6″. yes, i am lucky in that i am over 6″. but i do not recall ever wanting to date a girl solely on one attribute. for me, attraction would best be described as a global attraction.
physical beauty is far from subjective. there are lots of studies to show what humans find attractive. these findings are very important, say, to doctors who do cosmetic surgery and/or reconstructive surgery to get the person to an ‘ideal’ attractiveness or to a normal appearance.
i still find it odd to want to be with someone exclusively because of their race. talk to almost any ‘white’ person, well the ones i talk to anyway, where their family lineage has been here for generations and they will say a little of this, a little of that. almost all of them say ‘i’m a mutt’.
there is a difference between ‘white’ and ‘asian’ culture. heck, there are significant differences in different asian cultures among themselves. ‘asian’ is no different than ‘white’ to me.
that brings your point of ‘inner beauty’. this is a much more subjective area of attraction. this is where common interests play an important role.
i do not consider myself a player, a pick up artist etc. women are naturally attracted to me. is this a great thing? no. it isnt. it is tiresome with the jealousy that i get from my girlfriend. but, on the flip side. i am also jealous about the attention she gets from guys.
why make this point? because physical attractiveness is fleeting. even though her and i still look the same. we have looked past the physical attractiveness of each other very early on and now are focused on the inner person. yes, we still like to look good on the outside but we now we have settled into knowing and loving the person rather than being with the person.
it is not common for a very good looking girl to be with an average man with no financial incentive. call it what you want but that is the hard truth of the world. there are a lot of average looking white women. great! because there are a lot of average looking asian guys!
be realistic in who you find interest and pursue to be with. not everyone gets to date a tall gorgeous model. the majority of women here in the states will not date someone shorter than them. it doesnt seem fair that a lot of asian men have been short changed with the tall gene (though taller asian men are more common in north america, most are still shorter than the average male here in america) but to quote al pacino in scarface:
‘first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.’
i love this post.
although i am a woman, i would agree its hard to find asian males that are staying here for whatever amount of time, and at times it may feel discouraging and wanting to give up. Once i started joining a chat time that my japanese teacher puts together, it opened opportunities to meet some cute guys and make friendships.