Asian Men, are they for me?
November 17, 2011 6 Comments
I always try and look that the good in everything, and perhaps at times that means I am overly optimistic about the AMWF relationship. I would love to think that every woman feels the same about Asian men as I do, but in truth not all of them will. I realize although that in part, personal preference is a contributor. There are women who just like white men, or back men, Asian men, or whatever. Just in the same way there are Asian men who really prefer Asian women, over white, black, or etc. That’s great right …everyone has the right to choose who they want and what they prefer. Even with this personal preference although, there are times when a women may be intentionally or unintentionally overseeing Asian men. Why? Well after much thought and asking guys what they feel might be keeping women from seeing their good intentions, I have the following reasons to present to you:
Physical Appearance:
Your Height and Body Build – You maybe have wondered if that fact that you stand a mighty 5ft 6inches tall, if that’s going to be good enough for your WF. In truth many women like taller men because of the idea that a taller man is a stronger man. It’s just ingrained in our DNA to be attracted to men who are tall. Now not all women care of course, and there are many WF who are taller than many men and are fine with it. Asian men often fall under the stereotype of being short, which in fact is not always true either, but that alone might stifle her interest in Asian men. Asian men also stereotypically are viewed as skinny and not particularly strong. Some women would think that Asian men could not meet the standards of their white or black counterparts and therefore be seen as less attractive.
Asian Eyes– those lovely deep black/brown eyes, with their unique almond shape. Ahh yes, the signature Asian eyes. To me they seem wonderful and exotic, but they also might seem a bit odd when the rest of the men she knows have eyes that are varied in color and larger. It’s not to say that women really have an eye color or shape preference, but that they might find it out of the ordinary.
Language:
Your Communication with Her– let’s face it, if you can’t speak the same language , or you have a really thick accent that makes you hard to understand, then it’s not going to make it easy to get to know each other. Having the ability to communicate well means you can express your feeling to her, and that is really important. If you are not used to, or your language does not have the words to express how you feel, she may take it as you are not interested, even if you truly are interested and have the best intent.
Your Family/In laws– It’s also obvious, but if her future in-laws won’t be able to speak to her, then she will be uncomfortable and perhaps she might feel that I would never work out well with this difference. Although there are many women who in fact will learn Chinese, Korean, or etc in order to better communicate and create a bond with her in-laws, not all women would want to.
Social Culture:
Asian Foods– odd food and textures can often be found in Asian, comparatively to the west. For example Asia has porous meat products, jelly soups and drinks, boba in their tea, fish sauces, chicken feet, and whole bunch of crazy textures that you won’t find in the west. Although many women would love to try new foods and flavors, sometimes these can just be too outside of our comfort zone.
Family Obligations and Expectations– This might be the most difficult of all the reasons for your WF. Asian family’s often come with more obligations then the average Caucasian women’s family. Her parents won’t expect you to visit every weekend, have extreme expectation about who she should marry, nor would the tell her what kind of wedding to have, what she should do for a career ,and etc… So when she meets an Asian mans parents, or has heard that his parents may have the almost unreasonable expectations, it would defiantly make her think twice about wanting to enter into the relationship.
For many more reasons then I guess I would care to come up with, there will be women who are just not into Asian men, just as much as some women are. But the point is that these things should not be seen as an obstacle for your choice in mates. Whatever your preferences we should not let others opinions influence are choice and it should not stop you from going after what you want. Things like physical looks, food preferences, and family obligation are only a few things that “could” be an issue… yes “could be” but you never will really know unless you give things a try. Every relationship will be filled with successes and struggles, but it’s the important things like your values, working together, common interests, lifestyles, and who you are as a person that will keep the love and happiness between the two of you alive and strong. So I encourage women to try something new, give those cute Asian guys a chance, because you might be surprised that the things that you worry most about, are only small things that can actually make your relationship more unique and that much stronger.
AMWF Love 
I like about what you write. Anything can be worked out between two people.
Your article makes very good and valid points that ring very true in almost any dating/relationship scenarios.
Physical appearance is definitely a part of attraction between two people. I hate to say it, but yes, it is the ‘first impression’ that makes a huge impact on one another.
Body type: I do not know of one women that would genuinely prefer a man shorter than them. And I know a lot of people. A lot.
Again, I have asked my girlfriend if she would have gone out with me if i was only 5’8″. She nearly laughed and said ‘No way’. At first, I was a little shocked that height played a large (get it? hehe) role in her attraction to me. But! I will have to say that I love how tall she is as well. It does add to her external beauty.
So, the stereotypical shorter asian male will most likely have a harder time dating non-asian women (if that is one of their selection criteria) because ‘white’ women are taller on average than the average asian woman and asian man.
And with a shorter stature, asian men also typically have a smaller frame. Slight, if that is a better description.
Again, I compared my frame to my girlfriends. My wrist size is the same as hers. Considering that I am 6’2″ and she is a half foot shorter than me, my frame would be considered slight. But, I am lucky in that I have a broad shoulders.
As for my eye shape, she has never considered my eyes to be ‘asian’. She likes my eye color though. She enjoys the dark brown in contrast to her pale blue eyes.
Language and communication should play a large role in any relationship, not just in an asian male/white female relationship. One of the biggest annoyances in every relationship I have had is my lack or failure of communication regardless of ethnicity. If english is the guys second language, then he will definitely have a hard time conveying the nuances of communication that are more important for a woman than it is for a man. The woman (I am guessing since I am not one) will feel isolated and frustrated due to things ‘lost in translation’. So, I would recommend to guys if they want to be with someone other than their native tongue is to really brush up one your secondary language for better and more refined communication.
Culture can play a big role. It has caused me problems in the past with my non-asian relationships in the past. Definitely!
But this has been remedied by some simple things. First, I conveyed to my parents that we live in North America. It is too hard for me to live like I am in Asia because I am not living in Asia. So don’t expect me to live like an asian in Asia.The good old asian parent guilt trip has long stopped working on me. In fact, my parents respect me more when I ‘manned up’ and stopped being such a momma’s boy and jumping through hoops for the impossible to please stoic asian father.
I fully love and embrace my parents. I have not forgotten my heritage nor have I dissed my culture. On the contrary, I have stopped trying to be asian living in America and just be American. I do not understand why the girl has to adapt to the asian male and his culture when it should be a joint venture to find out what works for both. You know, communication.
As for foods, who cares? I am not with my girlfriend as an eating buddy. Yes, we go out to eat in restaurants. But we go out to restaurants that we both like. I love sushi but she doesn’t. Does that mean we can never ever go to a Japanese restaurant? No. We go. She has cooked stuff and I binge out on sushi. Same for when we are at my parents place for dinner. Why would my parents be offended if she doesn’t care for pickled jellyfish? My parents will not eat roast chicken (which she makes a killer version of) because of the whole hot air thing. She isn’t even remotely offended.
As for parental ‘visitation’. My parents acknowledge that they are a big boy and a big girl. They know I love them dearly and do not need to show them with overt constant teet sucking to reinforce that. And yes, my parents were fresh of the boat when they came to America. And yes, they are very asian with zero white washing.
As for ‘white’ woman not being attracted to asian men for the sole reason of them being asian. Again, who cares? I wouldn’t want to be with a woman if she was with because I am ‘asian’. I do not see my ‘white’ girlfriend as ‘white’. She is my girlfriend and I am crazy in love with her. And she is crazy in love with me. Again, why can’t relationships be as simple as that?
“As for ‘white’ woman not being attracted to asian men for the sole reason of them being asian. Again, who cares? I wouldn’t want to be with a woman if she was with because I am ‘asian’. I do not see my ‘white’ girlfriend as ‘white’. She is my girlfriend and I am crazy in love with her. And she is crazy in love with me. Again, why can’t relationships be as simple as that?”
I couldn’t agree more. Exactly!
I agree with you 150%. Every relationships should be simple as that!! Life is hard enough already . Why focus on race issue right? building a family is most important.
The problem is that while most people can just go along seeing their relationships as “simple,” people in interracial relationships are going to find that other people see their relationship in terms of a political transaction, while viewing same race relationships as all about love. This situation is obviously unfair, and as the wf in an amwf relationship, it drives me crazy. I think pointing out the way in which all relationships can be understood as transactional has more impact on people than saying “but we simply love each other,” however true that is.
In a lot of ways, no relationship is “as simple as that.” Relationships can always be analyzed in all sorts of what you could call politicized or cynical ways. All relationships can be read as transactional. For instance, people are often said to marry “up” or “down” based on class. Even just thinking in terms of money, which is less complex than class, consider the implications of someone who is the child of a single working mother and grew up below the poverty line dating an industry heiress. All relationships can be read in terms of who is gaining what from whom: money, social position, fame, a sense of themselves as attractive, cool, successful….
d.,
I think your honest response is a wonderful fruedian introspection of how you are positioned in your own relationship.
You are correct in saying that ‘every relationship can be analyzed’. But why? Why introduce speculation that causes unnecessary psychological grief?
Is it really that hard to be with the person for who he/she is without the ‘what’ he/she is?
Sounds like you want a story.
My parents were really really poor. They busted their butts so I could bust my butt to be something incredible in my life. My girlfriend parents were really poor. She busted her butt to be someone amazing and cool. We are blessedly gorgeous with matching wickedly cool personalities. We are neither shy nor feel the need to be humble about this. We can and have been with people of incredible status and wealth. We do not feel nor have ever felt the need to be with someone to climb the ‘social ladder’. Again, to not be humble. People almost kill themselves to be in our company.
My girlfriend and I are together because we choose to be together. Simple as that.