A Reflection on Self-Efficacy

Have you ever had the situation where you believed in something so strongly that it happened? Were there times you didn’t take any action because you could not properly predict the outcome? Just like all the Asian Men out there, I too have experienced many times of being humbled.

Do you remember the first time your dad took off the training wheels on your bike? I still remember it. It was the time where I felt supremely invincible. Well maybe not that invincible, but I was able to pick myself up from any pain or adversity endured. The first time I fell off my bike merely moments after those two little rear wheels were taken off. It was the first time I realized you had to keep pedaling to stay balanced or come tumbling onto the pavement. I remember the tears that came along with the minor cuts on my knee, but I wasn’t crying because I couldn’t do it, it was simply because I was in pain. I fell for a second time because I didn’t know how to properly ascend a sidewalk from the road, and a third for not properly counterbalancing my turning. Yes it hurt, but I truly believed that I was capable of riding a bike.

In other words this was the beginning of building my own self-efficacy. Now you may confuse this with the term confidence, but this much more than the strength of belief in a particular outcome. I would describe self-efficacy as a belief that competencies are attainable, regardless of the setbacks that occur along the way. Now everyone will choose different skill sets and interests, but they tend to gravitate to areas where there are levels of success.

Who would enjoy doing something that you always lost at? For every sport, video game, or interest we experienced some sort of success that kept us going forward. There was just the right mix of challenge and skill that kept our interest levels up. We knew there were opportunities to improve and eventually achieve a high level of success.

The biggest problem for Asian Men is that societal expectations and popular culture does not emphasize self-efficacy, but place a perceived value on a pseudo-confidence that borders arrogance and selfishness. There is no secret that a tall athletic built male with a chiseled jaw line can be forgiven for his bravado, but is that a true qualifier for Asian Men to be attractive? Certainly it is an uphill battle, but the most important thing is not to be discouraged. I simply say this is because the “confidence” that mainstream society is accustomed to perceiving is not as readily apparent in Asian Males, and thus they may seem less desirable.

If I reapply this to our TCAI Model at AMWF Love, the expected behavior will differ depending on the primary archetype of the Asian Male:

  • Technophiles will be more assertive with themselves – stepping out of their comfort zone
  • Comedians will take a chance to say something funny – a natural swagger
  • Ambitious will depict a bold masculine presence – a dominating approach
  • Individuals will listen to their own heart – just being themselves

So be sure what archetype you identify with – that goes for both ones looking for an AMWF Relationship or who are already in an AMWF Relationship.

 

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She Only Dates Asian

 

 

I found this illustration (asiandatingcoach.com) and thought I would elaborate for you on the topic of the types of women and whom they choose to date, and why. I wanted to make it simple because dating and relationships can often be complicated at times. As a man I can understand that you often must wonder, when you see someone you are interested in, if she may even be open to the idea in general. If somehow you only knew, then you could confidently get to know her in hopes of it becoming something more.  Although there is no way to really know how she feels about it you, there are some things to keep in mind when it comes to the way women think about dating.

Looking at the left side of the graph (red) you can see that here will always be a small percentage of women who just won’t be interested for many different reasons.  These women won’t try and date you, so you won’t date them. End of story.

On the far right (green) you can see that there is a small percent of women that will exclusively only date Asian men. Now these women (and I can say this because I am one of them) come to two forms. They are either the type of women that has a fetish, or they are the types of women who have dated both Asian and non Asian men and from experience found that they prefer Asian men more. I would suggest that you go for the women that don’t have some crazy fetish with Asian things, like anime or dramas, because it often turns out that they have unrealistic expectations of being with someone Asian. Women who have dated Asian men before and have dealt with and are prepared for some of the cultural differences that can often go along with it and it can make things much easier on your relationship. But these women are harder to find, because there are less of them to meet, or they already are with someone to begin with.

In the middle of the graph (gray) is where the largest percentage of women are found, and the key here is that these women are all open to dating anyone, and they may not even know it yet. Most women only require a man to be good to her, care of her, love her, and with a little charm and grace on your part she will be happy. It really does not matter what race you are, but that you are a good match for her.  She may not know much at all about Asian culture, foods, etc… or even have an interest in it, but if you’re the right type of man for her, and you show her that you are, she will be happy

So guys, don’t worry if she may or may not seem to be particularly into things Asian because that’s not an indicator that she would or would not consider you. Instead go after what you find attractive, physically and mentally, and she will be receptive to you. In reality you can open her eyes to the possibility of dating Asian men, when she may have not even considered it an option before. So go for it!