Why I Am So Attracted To the Asian Mans Face

People are usually attracted to people who look like themselves, and they usually evaluate faces that exhibit features of their own ethnic or racial group as being more attractive. As a WF who likes AM this if far from true, in fact we are attracted to a face that is just the opposite! So what features of the Asian mans face do we find so attractive and why? Good question, so let’s explore that shall we.

Now to be honest, most people are attracted to faces with a high-degree of symmetry, but although we all can’t be models or have the money to undergo surgery to look like one, there are features that every Asian man has that I ( and other women) just love. First let me say that I love the almond shaped eyes with the dark eye color. To me this is one of the most exotic of the Asian features, and although everyone in Asia has these eye characteristics to me it’s still one that always is the most beautiful. My second favorite feature has to be the plump and soft Asian lips. I mean Caucasians usually have thinner lips, so the contrasts of the fuller lips look very appealing to me. Thirdly, another favorite feature of Asian men is the dark hair. If it’s spiky or long, to me the dark color and stiffer texture is pretty sexy. Sure again everyone in Asia has it, but I like the way it can be styled and suits the Asian males face. Finally I always enjoy the baby faces that Asian men can often have. Now I know, not all Asian men have this and some have a slim face with chiseled cheekbones, but to me a younger looking face is just as good looking as a more matured looking one.

There is no ideal face for a man and a man’s face is not a measure by any means of his worth. A man that may not have such a good looking face can become very “attractive” as defined by his society with his great personality, his nature, his character, etc. The whole person, inside makes the face of the man, but still none seems as handsome to me as the Asian mans face.


How to Tell He’s Interested – The Mixed Signals of Asian Men

Recently a reader asked me if there was a way of telling if an Asian Male was interested in her. Honestly to tell you the truth, if your gut feeling tells you that he is interested, he probably is. Before I discuss the possible actions to resolve this, I’ll discuss the background information. Asian males are quite the mysterious and tricky bunch, but they are not that difficult to decipher. The majority of our behaviour stems from language issues, cultural traditions, and family upbringing.

Language & Communication

Language issues are usually the easiest to spot. If the Asian Male’s primary language is not English, then you will notice a difference in character when he is around you, and his Asian friends. When he is around his friends there are people who can relate to him through his native language and cultural understandings.  Asian humour is often different from the slapstick varieties, where there is this cute-yet-satirical tone involved. This is strongly evident in Japanese culture and has been replicated across Asia.

Cultural Traditions

Historically the coveted occupations in Asia were professionals such as the typical doctors, engineers, lawyers, or high ranking military officer.  The fact is that the ability to provide for a family can be thought of as a duty for Asian Men.  Thus, by having an excellent career would (in theory) make life easier because there would be no financial struggles.  Job? Check. Car? Check. House? Check. Those three items are what deems an Asian Male to be worthy of a wife – or even just a girlfriend.
This may seem strange for a typical Westerner, but having these three things in Asia is one of those status symbols. Bear in mind that real estate prices are astronomical so home ownership is something almost unattainable as a young Asian Male. Really it is a sad story for Asian Men when they feel unable to provide. This is what they believe defines them as a man.

Traditional Family Upbringings

Traditional family upbringings also make things difficult as well. At times it could be considered as stifling with a Confucian filial piety system for over 2000 years. There is an order in the household, and the family unit is strongly emphasized. Typical Asian families would involve the husband to be the sole breadwinner with the wife in charge of domestic duties. While the man would be out working, the woman would have time to take care of the children and the home (finances included). In theory it would allow for a functional and happy family. What I mean by happy family, is a family free from the financial struggles – where stress can often stem from. This is not the same type of happiness as Westerner would assume, think of it more as being at peace. In other words it’s considered a gentle warm glow when it comes to passion, and not as red-hot intense as we imagine.

The reason for this is because in Asian media and family, the amount of intense passion is muted. We never see much physical contact between our parents. Growing up as a child, I barely remember my parents hugging or kissing. Even in the Asian Television series physical contact is portrayed as being “cute”. The first kiss is made to be a magical moment – and there very rarely any passionate interludes that proceed after the kiss. Now of course this is dealing with public appropriateness. Often in public, Asian Males will drastically tone down their affections. Behind closed doors may be a different story.

Understanding the Asian Male

Once you really understand the background of Asian Males it starts to make sense about how we behave around others. Spending increasing amounts of time together is a clear indicator of interest. The reason why we tend to use the friend approach is even if we don’t have the guts to express our feelings we still have friendship.  It’s a shame to have never tried, but often we spend too much time trying to find absolute certainty when our opportunity has already passed. So what can you do as a White Female? Well if you believe you don’t want to let the opportunity to pass, you can simply help give him a little push. Talk about how excited you are about how a great movie is coming out in theatres. Just by coincidence you don’t have any friends that want to go with you. Be sure to make it clear that you are interested in him. This may mean explicitly making it clear to his friends so they can also extend their influences over him. It does not just have to be a movie, but you can apply it to any event, or location. Help him break through the initial social awkwardness and he is yours.

Asian Men and Sex

Let me just say right off that the racist myths and assumptions about smaller stature and less sexual and erotic drive are just not true…I am sure you agree with me. I think that there is absolutely no problem with Asian men and from my experience, the best sex I’ve ever had has been with Asian men. Sure like anyone there will be times it’s not good and others when it’s fantastic, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes and it’s got nothing to do with race.

There have been studies that have pointed out that Asian men (from Asia) feel less satisfied as a whole with sex than Westerners, but that does not mean that they are bad in the bed, or that Asian men are less passionate or romantic as lovers, it just means that they may not be experiencing sex the same way as the west. Men in Asia can often live in a culture where sex is much more of a no no to talk about, let alone learn about from family or friends. I mean think about it, the expression of love can often be very indirect in Asian cultures, where no one was ever hugged or kissed in public and probably not even hugged or kissed at home.  Parents would never talk about sex to their sons, and I am sure the sex education at school left more questions then answers.

When it comes to sex, Asian men may not be well-informed and not socialized to talk about sex or express their sexuality. So how can a man even be expected to perform well when he’s got no instruction, and no expression of sexuality to draw from? Well I think that no matter how much or how little experience you have, there are some things that make Asian men great lovers naturally. My number one kudos to Asian men is that they are always hard workers, patient, focused, and always willing to please. So when it comes to sex, with this skill set any man can succeed.

Now I know you western Asian men are saying to yourselves, I’m not like that, and some men from Asia also are saying “We know a lot about sex and how to please women”… which is great and like all people in the world there will be different levels of education, and experience. But the point I want to make, without getting into details, is that with a lot, a little, or even no real experience a man can do well…that includes Asian men… and the best part is that whatever  your experience is, your WF will be happy to learn and share with you.

Perfection is Unattainable – The Mindset of Asian Men

Perfection is to be marvelled at, but at the same time it leads to our own demise.  While there are some abstract components like mathematics which have a very clear expression or answer, living a life of perfection is truly another story. Even I must admit I have grown up demanding perfection upon myself, when in fact it was not attainable. Some of it I will admit came from my Asian upbringing as well. Just like every Asian child I was placed in the typical piano lessons and extra schooling. Math became my strongest subject, and I never took a liking to the Humanities during my K-12 years. Now that I think of it, what made English and Social Studies so difficult was the fact that it did not come as natural as Math or the Natural Sciences. I had to feel something. What was that all about?

Perfection Described

I remember the stories of my Asian friends who have parents who get upset at their child’s grades because they were not 100%. Phrases like “Where’s the 4%?” would come up after their child received a 96% test result.  Other times it would be the demanding mother forcing her child to practice piano until the song was error free. Perhaps you could say back in the early days of China with Imperial Examinations, those who achieved the highest grades were often rewarded with the best civil servant jobs. From then on, they were set for life. While perfection is great for theoretical pursuits such as mathematics, statistics, or natural sciences, it cannot be the sole basis when dealing with people. This is especially important in AMWF relationships, and every other relationship for that matter.

This becomes a huge problem for situations that do not call for perfection. Let’s take a look at a few TCAI examples:

Feng is your typical Asian Technophile. He’s great with Math and Computers, but when it comes to social issues – he’s completely lost. Once his girlfriend, Steffi asked him what he felt about the upcoming student elections. Feng shrugged his shoulders.
The problem is two-fold. Feng has never encountered this situation before and has no idea how to respond. Second, he may want the perfect response, leading into an “analysis paralysis”.

Alvin, an academic overachiever, can also be thought as an Ambitious Archetype. Recently he placed second overall in academic standing, and thus losing the Valedictorian spot.
Of course this just an example, but often at times Asians tend to measure their success by being the best. While it is great to win and be the best, there is no win-win mentality for us Asians. Thus we become completely consumed with the obsession of perfection – to be number one.

Hyun-Soo is popular among his friends, being the group Comedian he can always crack a joke to make people smile. While relaxing at the local pool, Hyun-Soo is dragged by his friends to the deep end of the pool for some diving board excitement. Although Hyun-Soo is not the greatest diver, he employs his patented belly flop. After a gigantic splash, hilarity ensues.
The Comedians are usually the best when it comes to dealing with perfection. Instead of being perfect, they tend to do something completely opposite and funny. While it is effective, there is a possible shortcoming if they overuse their humour. Then the excitement is lost.

Don, an aspiring jazz musician, plays the double-bass in his jazz trio. Almost always at the spur of the moment, he has the urge to improvise. His band mates recognize it and follow along.
Perfection for an Individual type is less of an importance than excellence. They understand things cannot be perfect, but just go with the flow.

Aiming for Excellence

TCAIIt’s important to realize not everything can be treated in a black and white manner. This binomial nature of true and false, yes and no, does not always work for real life. Instead of aiming to become perfect, we should aim for excellence – always striving to do our best. It doesn’t matter if someone is better than us, but as long as we put in our best and learn from our mistakes, we’re bound to improve one step at a time. Take for example any sport: soccer, hockey, football, tennis, etc. There is bound to be a winner and loser. When you win, it’s easy – but when you lose it is even more difficult to deal with. As much as we would like a perfect score or record, it’s almost impossible naturally. Aim for your own best, and improve yourself each time. Usually the biggest culprits of perfection-obsession are the Technophiles and Ambitious. This is usually because of their conservative upbringing. This is the old-world mentality. Comedians and Individuals are more liberated and usually deal with perfection issues better. In case you forgot, I’ve included the two spectrum diagram to refresh your mind.

Regarding AMWF

When in a relationship with a White Female, as an Asian Male it would be almost a natural tendency to go through all the “what-if” situations and try my best to make each situation perfect. I’d have the date planned out, what clothes to wear, rehearse the motions in my head – but then forget about being there in the moment with her. What I mean by this is when you are intensely focusing on a future even or past event while being with your White Female, you tend to make her feel disconnected from you. This can be perceived as you are uninterested or upset at her – which is not at all what your intentions are.  So leave perfection at the door, smile, and realize you’re with an amazing woman who loves you. So be sure to reciprocate.

Building Self-Confidence in Asian Men

One of the biggest misconceptions with Asian Men is that they are deemed to be not confident – all the time. Personally I cannot wrap my head around the fact that people can simply make a global statement for all Asian Men, when in fact there are a considerable amount of Asian Men who are confident, but tend to be more on the cautious and reserved side. By no means should they be immediately labelled not confident.

The Confidence Formula

Remember the first time you went to ride your bike? I remember mine vividly. The progression went from tricycle to training wheels, and the training wheels removed.  When my dad removed the training wheels I ended up tipping over my bicycle within ten seconds because I had insufficient speed. I cried in agony, but I picked myself back up and tried again. Building confidence is like this, it’s done step by step often with catastrophic failures, but eventually we get it.

To be honest, we instinctively learned the process as a child. However, for many somewhere along the line we forget about the process and take up the pathway of rote memorization. For me I would say it was by the time I was thirteen to fourteen, it was no longer the pursuit of individuality, but a submission into obtaining the highest grades possible with rote. I was fortunate enough not to have the same family pressures as my Asian friends, and my parents let me cultivate my own way of thinking.

The problem with the rote way of thinking was the pursuit of perfection. Only error free test examinations were acceptable and other grades were unsatisfactory. Now when we apply this to interpersonal relationships, this doesn’t quite work out. For many Asian Males, it’s facing the most dreaded school courses: English, and to a lesser extent the Social Sciences. What makes things so difficult is the lack of bivalent logic that Mathematics and Natural Sciences have. The information is hidden within the words that can’t be measured by a machine, but has to be felt emotionally.  

In short, for many Asian Men (and Asians in general), our formula for success is simply:

  • Memorize
  • Regurgitate
  • Purge
  • Repeat

I would say the steps for building a skill set and confidence in it would be:

  • Just try it (believe in it)
  • If it doesn’t work out, take positive feedback from the mistakes
  • If it still doesn’t work, find a mentor or expert.
  • After repeated success, build more belief in yourself

Confidence in this regard is when we have nearly absolute certainty on the answer. When we do not, we end up playing the reserved or cautious approach.

Being Reserved & Cautious

Since life for the most part is not something of absolute certainty, we tend to remain on the reserved and cautious side. Among the various factors that contribute to being reserved, shame would probably be the underlying reason. Being publically ostracized is one of the worst feelings to experience as an Asian, and while it may be used to keep every citizen to behave properly, the only way we perceive not to bring shame is really to do nothing at all. Being embarrassed in public is a terrible feeling for Asian Males, and even behind closed doors as well.

This is really no different when you are doing something that is not in your field of expertise. Not only is there a steep learning curve, you have to go through endless amounts of mistakes before you even feel like you’re progressing.  As a result, our natural inclinations as Asian Males tend to be subdued.

Regarding the AMWF Relationship

This is definitely a reoccurring issue when dealing with an AMWF Relationship. If language issues are not a significant barrier, then I would guarantee that a White Female needs a certain level of mental and emotional stimulation through conversation.  When the Asian Male shrugs his shoulders when a White Female asks about dinner plans, it’s of slight annoyance. The problem is that she may think that you are indifferent, or have absolutely no confidence with your preference. Of course as an Asian Male you may have played a little too safe attempting to communicate that you really just wanted to be with her.

When it comes to using technological devices such as the latest smartphone, Asian Males take on a completely different persona. We know the technical specifications and how to synchronize it with a desktop computer. What happened? Asian Males tend to have the confidence when we have absolute certainty, and when we are not as certain, we play the conservative approach.

Thus, when we speak of building self-confidence, it is something Asian Males already have, but is often underdeveloped. It begins with a belief, and then action is taken.  What’s important is that it usually doesn’t work out on the first attempt, but take it as feedback to point you in the right direction.  So go out there not to be perfect, but to make yourself better one step at a time.

Passive Aggressive Symptoms in Asian Men

Growing up as an Asian child, I was taught it was completely normal to suppress my feelings. My fellow Asian peers were alike as well. Their parents pushed them to excel academically, without any emphasis on the development of social skills or leadership.  When there was something that made you upset, it was expected as a male that you remain calm and collected. The problem is that it meant that we usually bottled up all the events which made us annoyed or upset.

When the situation became unbearable, I’d often have my temper flare up because I felt that it was unjustified that all the past sequence of events that made me upset went unwarranted. It pushed me over the top and I needed a release. Sadly I used to do this all the time. What’s more disturbing is that I thought this behaviour was completely normal, but it is very unhealthy and unacceptable for an AMWF relationship.

The Silence of Approval and Displeasure

This is one of the most difficult things to understand between Asian and Western Culture. From what I have learned from Western Culture, silence is often associated with displeasure or saddening. Silence can be viewed as the closing of communication between two parties. When there is no active dialogue, there’s awkwardness in the air. There are also instances such as giving a moment of silence to express grief for a tragedy as well.

In Asian Culture, it is both approval and displeasure, and this gives many mixed signals to the White Female. Sometimes it is just approval like agreeing on something trivial like the sunny weather. Actually, we have a sound usually for approval.

She says: “It’s gorgeous outside.”

He says: “Mmm.”

In this case, his quick response in agreement is not expressing any displeasure at all. He simply enjoys your company and the sunshine. Identify a quick firm response to the situation. The tone can be slightly rising, but not excessively – for that is a more feminine response.  Keep in mind that is the positive or neutral sound of “mmm” there’s also an unhappy version of it as well.

There is also a slight twist to this. The way we express slight annoyance or displeasure is using sounds like “mmm” but in lingering lower tone. This is one of the sounds we use when we have to agree with our elders or when we get nagged by our parents. The key is to distinguish between the tone and length of the response.

I would believe our true objective as Asians is to embrace a kind of neutrality to it, a bringing of peace and calmness instead of complete happiness. Think of a Yin and Yang, it’s all about balance. Being overly happy is a rollercoaster ride of drama, while being excessively down makes you a bitter person. Thus, being completely at peace is consistently steady. We value that as Asians.

Catching Things Before They Go Nuclear

What’s important for the White Female to understand is to pick up on the subtle clues we leave about our displeasure. It is of course rude to say things directly, and we assume as Asian Men that you think the same way. Usually this is not the case. Problems start to pile up and then suddenly the Asian Male becomes visibly upset over something small, but it’s been a reoccurring problem.

Fortunately this can be worked on together. The White Female has to recognize and make an effort to reinforce the fact that it’s healthy for him to express his feelings, even if they are about unhappiness. Making things disappear today only places a bigger burden on the future.

For the Asian Males, we also have to do a better job to let our White Females know when we are upset. It does not mean raising our voices or any other physical uses, it is simply stating what happened and why it made you upset. Don’t worry she will understand and appreciate that you are making the effort to do so.

In summary, the severity is as follows:

Technophile – The biggest culprit of this usually because of communication skills. Has a decent tolerance for displeasure, but you have to take action to help him.
Comedian – Tends to let anger out the easiest by surrounding himself with people, and will find someone (if not you) to make him feel better.
Ambitious – Vicious. Situtations need to be diffused as soon as possible. Step in, empathize for the situation, but don’t shoulder the blame. He’ll be fine after everything subsides.
Individual – difficult to understand sometimes, but let him know you’re always available to talk, and he’ll seek you afterwards.

The Chrysanthemum and the Sword – Guilt & Shame

My latest inspiration comes from Ruth Benedict’s book describing the nature and behaviour of Japanese society during the Second World War. Even though this book was published in 1946, many ideas described in her book still exist. Perhaps they are not as evident, but the fundamental principles still remain. In most cases, when I was growing up, I learned how to behave by example and getting scolded by my parents. Television and school also played a major role in developing my character today. One of the things that struck me was the fact that Ruth Benedict’s description of the Guilt Culture as well as the Shame Culture.

Guilt

Now there are two types of guilt. One is defined by moral or penal law, the one where you plead guilty or innocent. The other is the internal feeling of responsibility or remorse for wrong doing. What is important about this is that guilt comes from within. Nobody makes you feel guilty but yourself. People may try to convince you to feel guilty, but ultimately you let yourself feel that way. With the Judaism and Christian influences in Western Culture, after experiencing guilt, we confess our errors and make amends. Of course if it severely violates legal and moral codes, that would result in more severe punishments. It is specific to the moment you made your error.

Shame

Christianity or other guilt-based ideals did not spread quickly to most Asian Nations. In contrast to the Western countries, a shame based society is more prevalent – In this sense, shame meaning the social implications when society has harmful knowledge of you, whether it is true or not. Think of bullying, when someone distorts information to be hurtful, the victim in shame based culture is severely wounded mentally and emotionally. What separates shame from guilt is that the feeling is both external and internal, while guilt is felt by the individual only. Shame is the general feeling of evaluating yourself based on how others would view you.

Comparing the Two

In addition to the distinction between guilt being the self, and shame an internalized interpretation of what society thinks of you, the two function differently.

When faced with a guilty verdict when you know you are innocent.
Guilt Culture – An individual will fight his innocence, for he did not do anything wrong.
Shame Culture – An individual will feel shame, regardless if it is true or not. Society has stained this individual and he has brought shame to his name and family.

When others do not know of what you did (or openly express it), yet you know you did something wrong.
Guilt Culture – Moral code and ethics will give you the realization of what you did was wrong, and you will feel remorse for it.
Shame Culture – If nobody knows about it, then no shame is brought. Life goes on.

Putting it together

Shame is a strong motivating tool in Asian culture because of the nature of the family system. To keep the children in order, a parent can exercise verbal dominance early to reinforce shame. Not only will they share with immediate family, they can also share the news to friends. The feeling of being ostracized or singled out is a miserable feeling for Asian men regardless of being raised in Asia or North America.

What does separate Asians raised in Asia from their North American counterparts is how well the internal guilt is developed. Much of this development comes from exposure to television, friends, school, and family. It is something learned and established. This is also what makes it disturbing, since this is a learned trait. If someone has not developed any ability to feel guilt, then the only way to measure up is to base yourself on what others think of you. Furthermore this is a serious issue for the White Female when you don’t feel remorse for your actions even though you have not been singled out, yet.

Just because you haven’t been caught (or reprimanded) yet does not mean you should keep doing it. While no culture is purely guilt or shame, but a combination of both, the East still tends to lead towards shame, while Western cultures will utilize guilt. We can all learn from each other, but be sure as the Asian Male to keep an open mind to your White Female. She is not there to make you feel ashamed of your faults; she wants you to be a better person.

Why are Men from Asia Worried About Having a Relationship with White Women?

In a collectivist society, when it comes to dating and relationships, you are almost 100% guaranteed to know what you getting into. I mean lets face it, when everyone is taught to behave the same way without much variations, you pretty much know what to expect from your partner. Sure, there will be differences in materialist things like looks, money, status and etc, but aside from that, you know what you’re getting. But as a man from Asia looking out onto the western world, into a sea of women that all look different and are from different cultures, I can image that you must feel unsure about pursuing western women. Let me put your mind at ease.

Everyone has there own opinion about what they like and dislike. Some people are just naturally drawn to certain lifestyles and cultures, which in my mind is perfectly acceptable. Knowing what makes you happy, and what you are comfortable with really the first step in meeting white women.  Think of it this way guys, you have the entire world to pick from! Yes that’s right. If you want exactly what you have before you, then you don’t really need to look far, but if you are looking for something different, then you’ll need to look outside your own country. That’s not always the case, as there are many modern cities all over Asia where western women live and work, but the majority are often found on the other side of the world. Don’t let the fact that you may need to do a some extra work to meet someone stop you from learning more about, and meeting women from a culture that you are interested in. Without risk there is no reward!

So, western women look attractive to you, and you may be interested in a particular culture, but what about the things that are important in keep a stable and happy relationship.  Things like your morals and values, how can you know if you will be able meet someone that will meet your criteria.  Well there are no guarantees in life, but the one thing I can confidently say about white women is that we are as diverse as it gets. In western society there are common values that we all share, but we are raised to respect others rights to have different values. So it’s really just a matter of finding the combination of looks, personality, and values/morals you are looking for. The possibilities are really endless, and honestly that’s the best part about it!

Well what if I find that, will she be accepting of my culture? Could we have a life together? Raise children? What would there life be like? What about religious differences? These are all great questions and I hear them quite often. Many men from Asia might be willing to date western women, but can it really work for the long term. If you find yourself asking these questions I want you to remember this one thing. Repeat after me, we are all human, and therefore we are all the same.  We may have grown up on opposite sides of the world, with some cultural differences, but when it comes down to it, we are all human. We all feel pain, joy, sorrow, guilt, and experience life the same way. The more you get to know people from any age, race, or country, the more you will see that what we experience is very similar.  Western women will see you as an equal to them, respect you, and want to understand you just as much as you want to understand them. Western women will also will appreciate all the good things your culture has to offer, your hard work ethic, dedication to family, and etc..

White women are in general raised to be mature, forgiving, accepting, confident, more in touch with their bodies, more outspoken, have character and lots personality, and we want to share ourselves with you. Honestly as women in the western world, I am so used to diversity that I would be strange not to see it on a daily basis. We are used to it here, we embrace it, and we will embrace you. If you have ever talked to any AMWF couples you will find that there is usually never a problem with blending cultures, that each is open and accepting of each other. They are dedicated and committed to a long lasting relationship, and are willing to work hard to keep each other happy. That’s exactly what she wants for herself, and what she wants from you also. So stop worrying if thing will work out, because it will. You will find that beautiful women who will have the values/morals you want. You will have no problem raising your children, or doing anything else you could have done in your home country. With the right person things will all work out. So get out there guys, you have the whole world to choose from!

 

The Forgotten Asian Father – Using TCAI

TCAII was requested by a reader of our blog to write about Asian Fathers. In most situations we usually hear about the Asian mother, how she can be controlling or vicious at times – but the father always seems to be left out. As posted earlier, Asians have a family lifestyle based on many Confucian principles that have been passed generation after generation. A typical Asian parenting system segregates the mother and father into two different roles. The father would work tirelessly to provide all basic needs to the family, while the mother would be in control of all domestic issues of the household. For the families that both parents work, it’s usually a small business that both parents run together. The mother would still feel responsible for raising the children in addition to her working commitments.

Though I have talked about the Asian male using the TCAI model we have developed at AMWF Love, this still applies to the Asian father as well. The breakdown is as follows.

The Technophile Dad

Possible Occupations: Family Physician, Engineer, Systems Analyst, Chemist, Physicist, Programmer, Staff Accountant, Pharmacist, Dentist, etc.

Coupled with the Ambitious Dad, this is probably the most common type of dad you will find. The reason why they are common is the values placed on education in Asia. Good grades do get you jobs, but they are jobs that are highly technical.

Much of their work is very technical and requires a great deal of thinking and careful skill. In most cases these occupations are not harsh on physical labour, but require much mental focus. When it comes to parenting, these types of fathers would fall under the traditional setup of being the provider for household income. The mother would then take full responsibilities of the domestic issues and including the payment of bills. Many issues will default to the mother’s opinion. The father will tend to agree with her, because she knows best. You will usually find this type of father the most aloof.

Default to the mother for issues – dad has no input.

The Comedian Dad

Possible Occupations:  Emergency Medical Technician, Physical Therapist, Pediatrician, Teacher, Education Administrator, Journalist, Actor, Financial Advisor, Financial Manager, Sales Manager, Civil Servant, Computer Support Specialists, Corporate Trainer, Public Relations Specialist, etc.

Being around people invigorates this type of Asian Father. Usually extroverted they use their strong knowledge in popular culture and social skills to gather groups of people together. There are not many of these types because traditionally being introverted and meek was highly treasured in Asia. For the ones who came to North America for post-secondary, their control of English is much stronger than those who have just moved to Canada or the United States. Thus an extroverted comedian type of father is usually fairly open to interracial dating. In this case, the mother plays more of a caring and nurturing role. Fortunately there is rarely a nasty side to her – but she may mother her son too much.

This is a fairly equal split between mom and dad – but they will usually have one unified opinion with situations.

The Ambitious Dad

Possible Occupations: Surgeon, Lawyer, Auditor, Entrepreneur, General Contractor, Politician, Senior Level Executive, Professional Athlete, Business General Manager, Military Leaders, etc.

In addition to the Technophile Father, the Ambitious Dad is someone to be feared yet respected at the same time. This type of Father works tirelessly to provide for his household. He spent years slaving away at school while his friends were partying. Ambitious Fathers believe they have every right to be strict. Hard work and focus led them to success and they expect their children to follow suit. After reaping their fruits of labour, they love hosting parties to indirectly showcase their successes.

The most difficult part dealing with Ambitious Fathers is their lack of emotional nurturing. They want to be proud of their children for their successes, and also want the bragging rights as well. Failure is not an option.

You may end up with a son with strained relations with his father. He will be very disciplined from the constant disappointment of his father – and hardened by his lack of emotional love from the family.

The Individual Dad

Possible Occupations: Architect, Psychologist, Writer, Designer, Artistic Director, Pilot, Consultants, Photographers, Composer, Philanthropist, etc.

These are extremely rare types.  To be an individual requires rejecting a collectivist mindset and truly believing in himself. Beyond the analytical situations with a yes/no, true/false, debit/credit, they embrace the fact that there is a grey area. Interracial dating is not an issue for the Individual Father, but having a son who has no idea about his own heritage is unacceptable. He is very capable of expressing his viewpoint, but often does not enforce it unless it is imperative. Free thinking can get you incarcerated in various Asian countries, and as a result there are such few types of these Individuals.

Depending on what the father feels is appropriate, he will help guide his son to excellence.

Dealing with His Father

Depending on the situation, you may love or have great difficulty dealing with his dad. Definitely the toughest one to please is the Ambitious Father who places such high standards on success. As a White Female, you may have to acknowledge that he is always number one. Success in Asian culture is strongly based on material wealth (which a high paying job provides). Even the Emperor had concubines – it was a sign of respect in the Old World because a man had to support every single wife. As a female, you may have to literally jump through hoops to prove that it is truly love.

A Technophile Father will just be happy to see is son dating. He remembers how daunting the dating experience was for him. Showing love and dedication to his family will win their hearts.

The Comedian Father never runs out of stories to tell. He’s also a complete sucker for beautiful women. Perhaps he is both proud and jealous his son managed to date a White Female.

Finally the Individual type of Father will virtually have no gripes at all. His perceptive nature allows him to truly tell if it’s love or not. While the Technophile and Ambitious types tend to be more conservative, the Comedians and Individuals are much more liberal and open to change. Although my dad has elements of each of the four types of TCAI, I would peg my father to actually be closest to a comedian. He does do some crazy things, but he brings a smile to everyone’s face. My siblings ended up as the Ambitious type, but somehow I found myself to be an Individual. Anything can happen.

Standards of Beauty in Asia and the West: How much do Asian Men Care?

I have noticed that many Asian women are insecure about their physical appearance, far more so than their Western counterparts. There seems to be a heavy amount of social pressure to be extremely thin and to meet that I see as nearly unattainable standards of beauty. They seem to be reminded constantly by parents and friends, not just by the usual commercial advertisements. These standards of female attractiveness include a desired height, oval faces, thinness, pale complexion, and absence of freckles, all very typical of Asia. But what I find also interesting is that Asian women also are preferred to have large eyes with eyelids, and a pronounced bridge of the nose, making them have more Western or Eurasian features. In the quest to attain these features many women undergo cosmetic surgical procedures such eyelid surgery, and nose jobs. They also use skin whiteners on a regular basis for clear, white or pale skin, and they avoid exposure to the sun whenever possible.

Think about it, that’s billions of dollars spent annually on cosmetic surgery and products to meet this standard! It’s not to say that the west does not also spend billions a year on cosmetics, because we do. Perhaps cosmetics surgery is a bit less likely to occur for the average women though. In a society with a collectivist mentality, it seems that this becomes a focus for all women in Asia whether they would like it to or not. In my family no one has undergone theses types of procedure (that I know of) and that could be due to the fact that here in America we just do not place as much emphasis on looking like everyone else. But what I do see here is that Asian women often place value of material goods, such as clothing, shoes, and expensive purses. In some ways I feel like Asian women are just raised to place so much value in how they look, how they appear to others, and it produces, terribly pampered, spoiled, and narcissistic personalities.

When I ask Asian men, who like white women, what they think of this they all give me the same response. “That’s why I don’t date Asian women.” Of course there are plenty of women in the US and around the world that also place a high value on materialist goods. It is just human nature to want the best, and I do not mean to imply all women of any race feel a particular way. But the fact remains that in a collectivist society beauty can really only come in one shape or form and that conformity must be extremely difficult deal with.

With this kind of pressure for Asian women to look a certain way, White women naturally question their own looks. They have asked me if I feel that Asian men would prefer if they had a more Asian look to them. Should they have dark hair, straight hair, dark eyes, or wear Asian fashions? Women, no matter what race, age, or society always seem to constantly questions there appearance and seek validation for it. Oddly enough the answer Asian men always give me is that they like the unique physical features of western women. They like blue, green, gray, or brown eyes. They don’t care if your 5 ft or 5ft 7inches tall. They don’t care if you have tanned skin, freckles, or a pure white skin.

Bottom line, they don’t really care, they love the diversity and do not want women to try and be something they are not.I think it’s important to remember, that Asian men who are not interested in a collectivist type of society, are also not looking for women who would embrace that mentality.They do not hold white women to a certain standard of beauty, other then to what they personally feel is attractive to them. So I need to ask the question, why do women try so hard? Why do we try and be something that we are not in order to attract men, when Asian (or otherwise) men clearly don’t care that much. If anyone has that answer I would like to hear it!