You Don’t Need to Buy Her Fancy Things to Make Her Happy.

Did you learn that the best way to be a good partner is by being a provider financially, and placing a strong emphasis and spending lots of time on that?  So much of an emphasis that you have not ever really considered the social and emotional needs of your relationship?  Now don’t get me wrong, a man who provides his family is a good thing, better than a man who does not, but do you feel that to have a good relationship this is a top priority? Maybe because that is the model of behavior that you have seen for most of your life?  Dad would make money and focus on giving his family all the material things they needed and mom (even if she works) would take care of the emotional side of things. But you rarely saw mom and dad spending time together, making the essential emotional connections with each other. They seem to live peacefully in that relationship with each contributing to the family life, and as long as the basic needs are met everyone is happy.

When I look at the older generations of Asian couples I often see this situation, and to be honest this mentality can be very confusing to the average WF in today’s society. I can understand as a man, Asian or otherwise, there has been a long history of that type of relationship structure and providing for the ones you love makes you happy. That is a great thing, but for your average WF who was raised to be independent and care for herself she expects more from her relationship with you then just the basic comforts and material needs being met. She is looking for you to be her best friend, her confidant, and her lover. She wants you to share the financial responsibility of having a life and a family, but also expects you to be emotionally available for her and any children you have. The structure of the relationship is a 50/50 one where each contributes to the overall health and wealth of the family and your relationship.

I think today’s generation of Asian men is in a very different situation then their fathers before them.  Ten years ago your father would have not considered marring a non-Asian women, it just would not be the norm. The fear of cultural differences and pressure from family expectations would have not allowed it. I’ve sad it before, Asian men are pioneers when it comes to choosing who they want to be with and so understanding the dynamics of the AMWF relationship is important. The model of behavior that your parents provided for you cannot be fully applied, and if you think that just being good provider for her (like fancy cars, LV bags, and, etc…) without up keeping the emotional side of the relationship, it will inevitably end in failure.

I hear Asian men say it to me over and over, that they don’t want women who are materialistic. They want to get away from that because they see it a lot in Asian culture. Your WF won’t mind that nice gift you bought her, but it’s not required to show your love. She wants you to be emotionally there for her, she likes to see your softer side, and she wants to support you just as much as you want to support her. Only you don’t need fancy things to show status, or to prove that you love her, she simply wants you.

When You Live in Asia, WF’s are Hard to Find

So you love the way she looks, with her very distinct facial features like big, deep eyes, and straight nose. Of course you enjoy the curves, and the direct manner in which she tells you how she feels and what she wants. You are excited by the fact that she has a strong sense of personal character, independence, and her focus is rarely on the amount of money you make. The cultural differences are very exotic and it seems like all the things you would want. But there is one problem, you live in Asia and white women are hard to come across.

If you are like the many men in this position, you often find that most of the WFs just come and go. They may stay in your country for few months only and leave soon after. The younger group of WFs (in their 20’s) when in Asia often stay in the very western areas, and are often only found at bars and clubs(which to be honest is not the best place to meet anyone). Any thoughts you may have about trying to form a serious relationship seem almost not worth the effort because of the inevitability of such factors like long distance relationships or parents disapproval. You may also meet some opposition from your friends. When you tell them you are interested in dating and marring WFs, they might  think you are crazy. They may wonder why you just don’t just go after an Asian girl, as mom could set you up with the pretty daughter of her best friend making the process so much easier.

I’m sure you think, yeah there will always be guys who will be like that, friends who will just want to marry Asian, and that’s ok for them but not for me. But it’s so frustrating because even if I meet the often hard to find WFs living in Asia most of the time some other man had the same interest in western women and culture as you, and has already made his move. Grrrrrrr…. So what can I do?  You do have options and here they are:

Have a Positive Mindset

It takes a more independent minded and strong man to want to meet someone who is different, to see past the differences into something that could be so much better than just accepting what parents want, or social pressures. So it’s important that you always keep a positive attitude even when at times things can seem hopeless. Keep things in perspective and be confident in yourself. You want to meet someone your attracted too, not just any WF. Someone you truly have things in common with such as values, morals, and family. Don’t be discouraged if your meeting WF’s but nothing is working out. It takes time to find that special someone, so don’t give up!

Consider a Change in Location

If you are interested in western culture then you might want to consider studying, working, or trying out a cultural exchange program. This will allow you to meet, live, and be around western cultures. You will have the opportunity to improve your English/communication skills, and ultimately have the advantage when meeting WFs and socializing with them. Unfortunately as a women, most usually don’t consider or feel safe just moving to another country alone  even if we have an interest in Asian culture and men,( although some women do) so the task often falls on you to take the indicative to make your way to the west.

Make Friends (from all over the world)

Never underestimate how important friendships are. Friends will provide you with not only support, but the more western friends you have the more your chances are increased of meeting a WFs. You want to meet someone naturally, and for a women one of the ways we can trust you right away is if you already know someone we trust. This trust will put you miles ahead of the guy that approaches her out of the blue. Just make sure you express your interest right away.If you are not able to live for an extended period of time in the west, the internet is the next best option to establish and keep in touch with friends. Opportunities often appear when you least expect them!

Meeting her is really the first step, and all the other cultural and social thing will work out. Meeting her often seems to be the hardest part but don’t give up. Sure, it’s going to be odd when you want something outside the norm, but it’s always worth the effort. You never know where or when an opportunity will appear, so get out there!

A Decade Later – Have Perceptions Changed?

In 2001, Yankelovich Partners surveyed 1,002 Americans about Chinese American and Asian American stereotypes for the Committee of 100.  While this may have been over a decade ago, I find it still relevant and useful information. Among the many results I found, the two most interesting facts were regarding family disapproval of a marital partner and general attitude to Chinese Americans.  Approximately 24% of the sample indicated that an Asian American marital partner would face family disapproval and only 32% of the sample had positive opinions about Chinese Americans (43% Somewhat Negative and 25% Very Negative).

I have included a portion of the results in pie chart format. Since I am not Caucasian, I suppose I will comment on my own thoughts.

Historical Fears

Being Canadian myself, I went to take a look at some Canadian history of Asian immigration. After the Gold Rush came the construction of the Canadian Pacific Railway between 1880 and 1885. With poverty on the rise in China, approximately 15,000 Chinese labourers helped construct the railway often by moving rocks and the handling of unstable explosives. The Chinese worked long and hard hours, often for 30-50 percent of the regular pay. After the railway was completed, the trip back to China was unaffordable so they opted to remain in Canada.

With growing fear of the Chinese, in 1885 the Chinese (and only the Chinese) were imposed of a $50 head tax that would increase to $500 per person in 1903. (According to Canada in Making, that would be the equivalent of 2 years of salary) Even the Japanese faced heavy racism and were relocated to “internment labour camps” away from coastal British Columbia during the Second World War. What made matters even worse was that the majority of their personal assets were confiscated by the government and auctioned off.

Mind you that this was almost seventy years ago, and times have changed. Even in the 1970’s my father recollects his experiences with negative opinions against Asians in Canada.  Working various jobs to pay for post-secondary, he would be often be called by ethnic slurs, but fortunately did not face any physical abuse. In light of everything he took it all in stride and years later managed to reconnect with his high school sweetheart who recently moved to Canada from Hong Kong. I’m sure he would have been open to a Caucasian woman, but the perceptions in the 70’s may have been considerably harsher. (Had he done that I probably wouldn’t be here writing this article)

A Recollection of 2001

When this survey was carried out, I realized my perceptions of Caucasians were definitely different a decade ago. At that time, I would say about 90% of my friends were Asian, but because my involvement in competitive soccer, I did have a few Caucasian friends. I was one of those smart-athletic Asian types of guy. To my Asian friends, I was probably the only male that had experience in an AMWF Relationship. In all honesty, looking back when I was in that particular AMWF relationship, it was really under our common love for soccer.  I was physically attracted to White Females back then because they tended to be more athletic. This is probably because I was just beginning to develop emotionally. Yes I could talk about cultural specific things with Asian Females like our overbearing mothers, but I just felt like friendship was the only viable option.

Having a large Asian-based circle of friends was both comforting, but at the same time it was restrictive. With the majority of them being Hong Kong Chinese born Canadians, we stuck together. Birthdays were not forgotten, and I remember the intense nights of Pictionary or other group games. (Yes they were a nice bunch of friends) The more enjoyment of being as a group we shared, the closer we stuck together. Somehow only the White Males would be brave enough to enter our group, which we fully welcomed, but the White Female just never happened.

You could say we just grew too comfortable to make our group open to non-Asians. Perhaps we were viewed as a clique, but when your circle of Asian friends is large enough, it seems as if it doesn’t matter if the group looks closed off.

Present Day 2011

With a stronger level of emotional development and a level of maturity ten years later, I still do find White Females extremely attractive but for different reasons. Not only am I physically attracted to them, but also how they offer a completely different perspective on life that is more complementary than anything. Emotionally it has been very satisfying to communicate on a level beyond the frivolous and absolutely incredible when we respect each other’s viewpoint despite our differences. I am always blown away about how creative and expressive White Females can be (beyond basic fear and cheerfulness).

There is one slight problem, White Females like that are very rare. So Asian Men, if you do happen to run into an amazing person, don’t let the opportunity slip away – just go for it.